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Our Deepest Visions Are Left Behind

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UgraKarma

UgraKarma

Esteemed member
I have been thinking quite a bit about all of the data to the DMT experience that we're leaving out of the dialogue. Not just what we're missing from our shared dialogue, but really that's only because we're not even able to bring it up in conversation via our own personal monologues. I feel as though I can remember coming back every time and feeling a pang of regret, or even grief, knowing that the wealth of data was just too huge, and I'm burying the lead every time I discuss the finer points of any unique experience*.

I think this is because on a sufficient dose, it seems that the part of me which is creating the narrative, the psychojournalist, documenting the experience for myself ("And now I'm seeing a Buddha-hydra-deity - and now he's smiling at me, and now we're one," and so on...) is met with resistance, and only once adequately suppressed/silenced am I allowed to "get to the next level."

Does anyone else experience a resistance between moving symbiotically with the DMT experience and the internal monologue which permits you to discuss, analyze, and render the experience for yourself to keep with you after its ended? It's as though our attempts to rationalize for ourselves are broadcast so loudly in a very silent space that everything twists and turns its nose up and rejects any further progress with a "who brought that guy?"-vibe.

Or, maybe it's just me wrestling through something very specific to myself?









*But then again, how can I be sure I'm not going back in and supplementing the narrative for myself, after the fact?
 
I think the DMT is trying to teach you to forget and not care, to let go completely of even the need to know and understand. At least, that has been true in my own case
 
UgraKarma said:
I have been thinking quite a bit about all of the data to the DMT experience that we're leaving out of the dialogue. Not just what we're missing from our shared dialogue, but really that's only because we're not even able to bring it up in conversation via our own personal monologues. I feel as though I can remember coming back every time and feeling a pang of regret, or even grief, knowing that the wealth of data was just too huge, and I'm burying the lead every time I discuss the finer points of any unique experience*.

I think this is because on a sufficient dose, it seems that the part of me which is creating the narrative, the psychojournalist, documenting the experience for myself ("And now I'm seeing a Buddha-hydra-deity - and now he's smiling at me, and now we're one," and so on...) is met with resistance, and only once adequately suppressed/silenced am I allowed to "get to the next level."

Does anyone else experience a resistance between moving symbiotically with the DMT experience and the internal monologue which permits you to discuss, analyze, and render the experience for yourself to keep with you after its ended? It's as though our attempts to rationalize for ourselves are broadcast so loudly in a very silent space that everything twists and turns its nose up and rejects any further progress with a "who brought that guy?"-vibe.

Or, maybe it's just me wrestling through something very specific to myself?









*But then again, how can I be sure I'm not going back in and supplementing the narrative for myself, after the fact?
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I have had the same issue I think. I've always drawn the conclusion that it was because of too small dosage, enabling my ego to catogorising and reasoning thus bumming the journey.
 
It's not just you. Ego cannot enter there, precisely because "there" is where ego is not.

Or at least, that's my take on it :)

It used to bother me a lot, that the deepest parts of my experiences (on DMT and even on strong marijuana "trips") couldn't be "recorded." But now I feel that there's a different kind of learning happening there regardless.

The other part of this is that even if ego cannot enter, awareness can. There's an analogy with falling asleep: you can't fall asleep while "you" are there, but advanced meditation practitioners can fall asleep with awareness.

Learning to do so is an important part of the path in Tibetan Buddhism, because the ultimate test is when you die....
 
dharmadhatu said:
It's not just you. Ego cannot enter there, precisely because "there" is where ego is not.

Or at least, that's my take on it :)

It used to bother me a lot, that the deepest parts of my experiences (on DMT and even on strong marijuana "trips") couldn't be "recorded." But now I feel that there's a different kind of learning happening there regardless.

The other part of this is that even if ego cannot enter, awareness can. There's an analogy with falling asleep: you can't fall asleep while "you" are there, but advanced meditation practitioners can fall asleep with awareness.

Learning to do so is an important part of the path in Tibetan Buddhism, because the ultimate test is when you die....
Click to expand...

That's why ayahuasca is particularly healing as compared to smoked dmt, because the ego can enter that state, and the ego can learn, or be transformed in some sort of alchemical process. Perhaps if you had some kind of breakthrough on the brew, the ego would be left behind, but normally the ego seems to me to be there. The ego is fascinating though, and I've noticed that anytime people discuss it, ego always seems to enter the conversation, so it's a tricky thing the ego
 
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