impossiblemachine
Rising Star
where do i even begin?
ive been writing this for about 3 weeks in my head and i cant find the words for it. the depth. our vocabularly isnt large enough to label what happens. a beauty unmatched, unrivaled by anything we could ever imagine. its us. its me. its you. its EVERYONE. antrocles said, "the growth and development of one, is the G and D of us all" i believe that. it makes perfect sense to me.
anyways, ill begin with my next trip back after an ayahuasca death...it took me over 2 weeks to feel ready for it...and it happened to fall over christmas break. i had never been around my family since i had began my work with DMT, so i was nervous that everything would fall apart..however the exact was opposite. it only enforced what i do, the things ive seen, the love ive felt, the reborness(word?), the letting go all played into my love of family and friends. i was blown away. i am so beyond worldly rules, expectations, laws..yadda yadda, ive let go and let love and i have not looked back. i say yes.
so my next journey back was just what i needed, a nice welcome back. i felt like i was a balloon half filled, barely being able to stay up in the air, but not quite able to fall down either. i would fall over this cosmic parade that looked like egyptian people and dogs running through different portals, with energy and activity all around them. i felt like i would get kicked up, and then slowly fall back down and sometimes i would sink a little lower than before and see <insert unnamable>
i see what looks like a ballerina slowly spinning on her toe, one leg in the air, smiling, with her hands out to her right making an O. in that O, she held emptiness. it looked like an ocean, and maybe it was, but it was empty and it was beautiful. i remember smiling and laughing to myself.
i also remember feeling like a little kid following his older brother...looking in on what him and his cool friends are doing..."really? this guy?" i remember them thinking
i just smiled like i was a rookie to them or something is how i felt. like, "yea hes a rookie/noob, but hes OUR rookie/noob)
i came back from that one not feeling heavy or anything, just a nice welcome back LG <<sorry antrocles, it makes too much sense to me
the next one was a bit deeper.
i always have antrocles light for me as i feel less grounded and ready to take off.leave.poof. however this time when he was lighting it, i saw dragons everywhere before i even left. they were lit by the fireworks you see when you close your eyes and rub them..but they were perfect. they were everywhere the blackness in my eyes were. like a big giant dragon knotball. then the flame became the light in the dragons throat, and his face was right in front of mine, mouth wide open, teeth and all right in front of me. "go to heaven" antrocles said and with that i proceeded to....get this, "enter the dragon" armpump
i saw beauty. everything was beauty. i was in rooms, but im always passing up through them, never there very long...its a shame but i cant remember everthing i saw, but i do remember on my way back, i stopped outside somewhere that looked like a cartoon. a cat was sitting on a rock and he was a cartoon as well. he had a wide face and thick colorful whiskers...he looked at me and told me to have a thought. i did, and i saw become consciousness...he points at it with his hand and nods at me and kinda says(without saying) "see"
that left me feeling pretty good, not too heavy. its always right. even when you want more, its always right.
the next few are where the work comes...
i had a session with antrocles the other day and i went first, i usually do because antrocles lights for me. it was odd because instead of being swept away or having reality pulled back, i hang in limbo before i go anywhere. im not here, im not there. its blackness. the next thing i know i see this little character thing flipping colors at me...brown and black..a tiny little guy. then i see what looks like a little old man pointing into the darkness almost directing me there, he seemed sad, next thing i know i am in space. with these GIANT mayan beings made of light lines vertically, horizontally crossing. they were moving, kind of exercising it seems, such strong yellow. and i was drifting right near them..the size of an ant...i then remember getting very close to a light. a bright light. it felt like somebody was shining a light in my eyes.
i remember my leg. taking action on its own. my left leg went rock hard and began to twist left and right. maybe moving becuase the entities were moving, exercising. i feel each time it moved, a new connection was made. it was a new channel for something to move through me. it felt right it felt good.
it felt warm. very warm. i drifted away...felt the electricity in my body as i was slowly being put back. antrocles was half there half here because he cleared out the chamber that i wasnt able to get. he decided to stay present and watch me...he saw a dragon coming out of my neck.
antrocles and i are very similar it seems. it really does feel like we come from the same place. we see a lot of the same things, we are 2 of an already small group who see dragons...there is some sort of unnamable connection. which leads me to...
"do you wanna go again?" antrocles asks. i say yes. i take in another deep inhale and felt this cosmic ceiling above me, i almost felt like i needed to duck my head while i was being lit up. it was gold and ruby layered..pretty. then the next thing i know, i am on the floor in a GREAT cathedral that is massively tall. there is a man in a grey suit standing over me, maybe eating an apple? he seemed to be observing me, checking me out like a dentist does when his assistants are done cleaning sort of thing...i felt him judging me.
i didnt care. i was just born. i felt myself in fetal position on the floor of this cathedral. i was proud. i remember not feeling embarrassed at how naked i felt.
then a being with multiple green and white striped tentacle legs stepped over me. she sat down in front of me and leered at me, seeming to test me, with a face that looked like "alien" from the aliens trilogy. i didnt budge, i was just there. " i say YES to you i say YES" i hear in the background. antrocles is gone and i hear him say that to the universe. i can only groan.
i felt my left thumb being dragged across my chest from right to left. ON ITS OWN. ?? thats never happened before. then i felt my arms raise and my fingers stay in a tap...moving patiently on their own. i felt possessed i guess now that i think about it. i was not doing that.
i also remember feeling like i was being recruited to be a part of an army. they were examining me to see how i was molded or something. i felt like they were gearing up for something big...however im not sure thats the case.
i came back feeling like it was a cliffhanger. it was the darkest one ive had after quite literally the brightest one ive ever had. however, i didnt question myself, my intent. i am love. i am infinite. i am empty. i felt that confidence in my very life the next day. my will and soul felt strong, so did my body. i actually went on to have a GREAT workout
i decided to go back the next day...i felt a strong calling to it. antrocles, generous as always, assisted me and off i went...limbo...then off to love. i literally felt from head to toe an elctric love that beyond orgasmic that shot through my entire body. i never felt that engulfed in anything in hyperspace. i felt like my mother picked me up and was holding me through space. the indestructable me. the infant me. i dont remember anything in it, other than losing my sense of self and becoming love. i was love. i wasnt anything. i was a feeling.
however i do remember one thing...i saw a ballet class again with what looked like human females..but they were all the same one....the class looked like this actually
how beautiful. how simple. how humbling.
i literally felt like i saw arms lay me down in my organic body. then i immediately feel my chest to see if i have a body. at that moment i feel bigger than human. that i am this soul, spirit, energy, entity, love, intent that is traveling the universe and learning, seeing. i felt placed here like a baby in a crib. my mother put me back. such a strong motherly presence.
thats about as descrpitive as i can get i think...lol. thank you for reading. much love to the nexus and its wonderful inhabitants! i cant wait to get back to work. its becoming more and more me. i am not afraid. i say yes.
im
ive been writing this for about 3 weeks in my head and i cant find the words for it. the depth. our vocabularly isnt large enough to label what happens. a beauty unmatched, unrivaled by anything we could ever imagine. its us. its me. its you. its EVERYONE. antrocles said, "the growth and development of one, is the G and D of us all" i believe that. it makes perfect sense to me.
anyways, ill begin with my next trip back after an ayahuasca death...it took me over 2 weeks to feel ready for it...and it happened to fall over christmas break. i had never been around my family since i had began my work with DMT, so i was nervous that everything would fall apart..however the exact was opposite. it only enforced what i do, the things ive seen, the love ive felt, the reborness(word?), the letting go all played into my love of family and friends. i was blown away. i am so beyond worldly rules, expectations, laws..yadda yadda, ive let go and let love and i have not looked back. i say yes.
so my next journey back was just what i needed, a nice welcome back. i felt like i was a balloon half filled, barely being able to stay up in the air, but not quite able to fall down either. i would fall over this cosmic parade that looked like egyptian people and dogs running through different portals, with energy and activity all around them. i felt like i would get kicked up, and then slowly fall back down and sometimes i would sink a little lower than before and see <insert unnamable>
i see what looks like a ballerina slowly spinning on her toe, one leg in the air, smiling, with her hands out to her right making an O. in that O, she held emptiness. it looked like an ocean, and maybe it was, but it was empty and it was beautiful. i remember smiling and laughing to myself.
i also remember feeling like a little kid following his older brother...looking in on what him and his cool friends are doing..."really? this guy?" i remember them thinking
i just smiled like i was a rookie to them or something is how i felt. like, "yea hes a rookie/noob, but hes OUR rookie/noob)i came back from that one not feeling heavy or anything, just a nice welcome back
LG <<sorry antrocles, it makes too much sense to methe next one was a bit deeper.
i always have antrocles light for me as i feel less grounded and ready to take off.leave.poof. however this time when he was lighting it, i saw dragons everywhere before i even left. they were lit by the fireworks you see when you close your eyes and rub them..but they were perfect. they were everywhere the blackness in my eyes were. like a big giant dragon knotball. then the flame became the light in the dragons throat, and his face was right in front of mine, mouth wide open, teeth and all right in front of me. "go to heaven" antrocles said and with that i proceeded to....get this, "enter the dragon"
armpumpi saw beauty. everything was beauty. i was in rooms, but im always passing up through them, never there very long...its a shame but i cant remember everthing i saw, but i do remember on my way back, i stopped outside somewhere that looked like a cartoon. a cat was sitting on a rock and he was a cartoon as well. he had a wide face and thick colorful whiskers...he looked at me and told me to have a thought. i did, and i saw become consciousness...he points at it with his hand and nods at me and kinda says(without saying) "see"
that left me feeling pretty good, not too heavy. its always right. even when you want more, its always right.
the next few are where the work comes...
i had a session with antrocles the other day and i went first, i usually do because antrocles lights for me. it was odd because instead of being swept away or having reality pulled back, i hang in limbo before i go anywhere. im not here, im not there. its blackness. the next thing i know i see this little character thing flipping colors at me...brown and black..a tiny little guy. then i see what looks like a little old man pointing into the darkness almost directing me there, he seemed sad, next thing i know i am in space. with these GIANT mayan beings made of light lines vertically, horizontally crossing. they were moving, kind of exercising it seems, such strong yellow. and i was drifting right near them..the size of an ant...i then remember getting very close to a light. a bright light. it felt like somebody was shining a light in my eyes.
i remember my leg. taking action on its own. my left leg went rock hard and began to twist left and right. maybe moving becuase the entities were moving, exercising. i feel each time it moved, a new connection was made. it was a new channel for something to move through me. it felt right it felt good.
it felt warm. very warm. i drifted away...felt the electricity in my body as i was slowly being put back. antrocles was half there half here because he cleared out the chamber that i wasnt able to get. he decided to stay present and watch me...he saw a dragon coming out of my neck.
antrocles and i are very similar it seems. it really does feel like we come from the same place. we see a lot of the same things, we are 2 of an already small group who see dragons...there is some sort of unnamable connection. which leads me to...
"do you wanna go again?" antrocles asks. i say yes. i take in another deep inhale and felt this cosmic ceiling above me, i almost felt like i needed to duck my head while i was being lit up. it was gold and ruby layered..pretty. then the next thing i know, i am on the floor in a GREAT cathedral that is massively tall. there is a man in a grey suit standing over me, maybe eating an apple? he seemed to be observing me, checking me out like a dentist does when his assistants are done cleaning sort of thing...i felt him judging me.
i didnt care. i was just born. i felt myself in fetal position on the floor of this cathedral. i was proud. i remember not feeling embarrassed at how naked i felt.
then a being with multiple green and white striped tentacle legs stepped over me. she sat down in front of me and leered at me, seeming to test me, with a face that looked like "alien" from the aliens trilogy. i didnt budge, i was just there. " i say YES to you i say YES" i hear in the background. antrocles is gone and i hear him say that to the universe. i can only groan.
i felt my left thumb being dragged across my chest from right to left. ON ITS OWN. ?? thats never happened before. then i felt my arms raise and my fingers stay in a tap...moving patiently on their own. i felt possessed i guess now that i think about it. i was not doing that.
i also remember feeling like i was being recruited to be a part of an army. they were examining me to see how i was molded or something. i felt like they were gearing up for something big...however im not sure thats the case.
i came back feeling like it was a cliffhanger. it was the darkest one ive had after quite literally the brightest one ive ever had. however, i didnt question myself, my intent. i am love. i am infinite. i am empty. i felt that confidence in my very life the next day. my will and soul felt strong, so did my body. i actually went on to have a GREAT workout
i decided to go back the next day...i felt a strong calling to it. antrocles, generous as always, assisted me and off i went...limbo...then off to love. i literally felt from head to toe an elctric love that beyond orgasmic that shot through my entire body. i never felt that engulfed in anything in hyperspace. i felt like my mother picked me up and was holding me through space. the indestructable me. the infant me. i dont remember anything in it, other than losing my sense of self and becoming love. i was love. i wasnt anything. i was a feeling.
however i do remember one thing...i saw a ballet class again with what looked like human females..but they were all the same one....the class looked like this actually
how beautiful. how simple. how humbling.
i literally felt like i saw arms lay me down in my organic body. then i immediately feel my chest to see if i have a body. at that moment i feel bigger than human. that i am this soul, spirit, energy, entity, love, intent that is traveling the universe and learning, seeing. i felt placed here like a baby in a crib. my mother put me back. such a strong motherly presence.
thats about as descrpitive as i can get i think...lol. thank you for reading. much love to the nexus and its wonderful inhabitants! i cant wait to get back to work. its becoming more and more me. i am not afraid. i say yes.
im
