unknownvalley
Rising Star
Several evenings ago I had my first experience. It was unfathomably intense, with subjectively positive & negative aspects. The context undoubtedly contributed to the negative ones. Please acknowledge that in hindsight I am fully aware of my overly casual recklessness. If I had known I was dealing with the “most powerful psychedelic on earth” I would have done differently.
Firstly- though I’d long heard about and planned to eventually try DMT- my knowledge was limited to brief anecdotes of “blasting-off” & seeing “crazy visuals” for “about 15 minutes”. Thus my respect & caution were not adequate to help prepare me for the intensity of the experience. Secondly- I’d had probably five strong beers that evening, and had been on a moderate bender with friends for several nights prior, so I was generally exhausted and in a compromised headspace. Thirdly- the setting was quite unideal. I was in the kitchen/living room of two friend’s plain suburban home, with them and two more friends. I’ve known them all for from 15 to nearly 30 years, and love each of them, but in hindsight, a single, more grounded trip sitter would have been desirable. These are not guys with particularly calming presence, and being drunk they weren’t too conscientious of what I was going through. So, yes, the entire context was far from ideal.
My prior psychedelic experience could be called intermediate. I’ve done moderate & light doses of psylocibin & LSD probably a dozen times each, have had one beautiful cactus experience, and one bad but interesting MDA trip. So that night when my buddy pulled out a DMT vaporizer he’d been gifted, but claimed he couldn’t get substantial hits out of, I figured I’d give it a few tugs. I was overly cavalier, puffing it until it was really burning hot, and sucking down 2-3 deep hits.
I stood up and threw my can of beer to the floor. I entered an amorphous, overwhelming time-warp of sorts. According to my friends my eyes rolled back and I stuck my arms out like a baby first walking. One helped lower me into a chair. Eventually I regained some awareness and opened my eyes. The room around me had become an electrified, purple cage. My friends were shrouded in the same purple, and I looked around at them as their movements quickly ramped from extreme slow motion up to what I perceived as normal speed. I became nearly terrified by them, seeing them as the conductors of some sinister experiment that I was the subject of. And it felt I always had been, but was only now aware of the charade. Like they were servants of some behind-the-scenes force who knew secrets I’d never been in on, and were discussing me. I was flabbergasted by this apparent realization and had a horrifying sense that I had not only been in some simulation prior, but that I was it’s focal point. I sat in terror for some time, despairing over the implications, until I felt myself regain some physical faculty. With this came new confidence, and I stood up, the simple act of which made me feel invincible in the face of my torturers. I looked around at them, now unafraid, and trotted out of the front door. One friend trailed behind to escort me down the stairs but I deftly flew down them and away. At this point a purple grid lay low in the sky above me, wrapping around trees and giving the appearance of some digitized world. I ran around a nearby grassy field feeling like some kind of superhero, until I found myself kneeling. The grid started to dissipate and I thought “I’m ready to return to the comfort of my friends’ company”. Entering the house, the visuals had mostly subsided. I walked up to one of my buddy’s sitting in a chair, and without any thought leaned over, grabbed him by the face, and gave him a big kiss on the lips. I’m typically pretty heterosexual. I sat down feeling exhausted and rather traumatized by the whole thing, and found comfort in the music playing, especially when my friend turned on one of my own recordings. It was an affirmation that I was really back to the reality I had just departed from so jarringly. I spent the rest of the evening strolling around the night with one friend until I eventually went and slept.
For much of the next day I saw everything with a new sort of wonder, and enjoyed a beautiful lunch with some friends and their amazing little daughter. I remained mostly very present, and what reflection I did was on the exhilaration of the trip. By that evening, though, I came to feel rather disconnected from the physical world, and it seemed very eerie. I wrestled with the so seemingly “real” hostility I’d experienced during the first half of the trip, and my logical mind’s reminders that I was hallucinating. Over the last two days, the sense of eeriness and residual recollections of the terror I felt have lessened but still arise here and there. Plus my senses all seem heightened and I've had moments of abstract paranoia. I did have a beautiful dream the first night following, of an unearthly landscape I never would’ve conceived prior.
Anyway, the only thing I’d experienced that was similar to this was years back, during the aforementioned MDA trip, where I took way too much and ended up in a concert medical tent. In that case, the EMTs tending to me had huge twisted “alien” heads, and seemed to be operating on my totally helpless self. I felt myself die and watched as I rode a pillar of fire into space where I floated, filled with deep sadness.
Would love to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things... particularly the morphing of those around you into hostile entities, the feeling of overcoming said hostility. Also any thoughts about why one might be prone to experiencing that sort of subject-of-the-experiment, operating table dynamic. A friend of mine proposed it might be a result of me attempting to cling to my sense of self in the face of a completely altered sense of reality. Makes some sense. I also know that I grew up being a little more self-conscious than I'd like, though I've moved beyond that in for most intents and purposes. But part of me wonders if these sort of hallucinations are from a buried, sub-conscious tendency to define myself through other humans. Plus I carry some vague senses of shame and... differentness.
Any thoughts are deeply appreciated. It will likely be a long while before I try it again, but with the right circumstances and setting I would love to experience the feeling of connectivity and peace so many speak about.
Firstly- though I’d long heard about and planned to eventually try DMT- my knowledge was limited to brief anecdotes of “blasting-off” & seeing “crazy visuals” for “about 15 minutes”. Thus my respect & caution were not adequate to help prepare me for the intensity of the experience. Secondly- I’d had probably five strong beers that evening, and had been on a moderate bender with friends for several nights prior, so I was generally exhausted and in a compromised headspace. Thirdly- the setting was quite unideal. I was in the kitchen/living room of two friend’s plain suburban home, with them and two more friends. I’ve known them all for from 15 to nearly 30 years, and love each of them, but in hindsight, a single, more grounded trip sitter would have been desirable. These are not guys with particularly calming presence, and being drunk they weren’t too conscientious of what I was going through. So, yes, the entire context was far from ideal.
My prior psychedelic experience could be called intermediate. I’ve done moderate & light doses of psylocibin & LSD probably a dozen times each, have had one beautiful cactus experience, and one bad but interesting MDA trip. So that night when my buddy pulled out a DMT vaporizer he’d been gifted, but claimed he couldn’t get substantial hits out of, I figured I’d give it a few tugs. I was overly cavalier, puffing it until it was really burning hot, and sucking down 2-3 deep hits.
I stood up and threw my can of beer to the floor. I entered an amorphous, overwhelming time-warp of sorts. According to my friends my eyes rolled back and I stuck my arms out like a baby first walking. One helped lower me into a chair. Eventually I regained some awareness and opened my eyes. The room around me had become an electrified, purple cage. My friends were shrouded in the same purple, and I looked around at them as their movements quickly ramped from extreme slow motion up to what I perceived as normal speed. I became nearly terrified by them, seeing them as the conductors of some sinister experiment that I was the subject of. And it felt I always had been, but was only now aware of the charade. Like they were servants of some behind-the-scenes force who knew secrets I’d never been in on, and were discussing me. I was flabbergasted by this apparent realization and had a horrifying sense that I had not only been in some simulation prior, but that I was it’s focal point. I sat in terror for some time, despairing over the implications, until I felt myself regain some physical faculty. With this came new confidence, and I stood up, the simple act of which made me feel invincible in the face of my torturers. I looked around at them, now unafraid, and trotted out of the front door. One friend trailed behind to escort me down the stairs but I deftly flew down them and away. At this point a purple grid lay low in the sky above me, wrapping around trees and giving the appearance of some digitized world. I ran around a nearby grassy field feeling like some kind of superhero, until I found myself kneeling. The grid started to dissipate and I thought “I’m ready to return to the comfort of my friends’ company”. Entering the house, the visuals had mostly subsided. I walked up to one of my buddy’s sitting in a chair, and without any thought leaned over, grabbed him by the face, and gave him a big kiss on the lips. I’m typically pretty heterosexual. I sat down feeling exhausted and rather traumatized by the whole thing, and found comfort in the music playing, especially when my friend turned on one of my own recordings. It was an affirmation that I was really back to the reality I had just departed from so jarringly. I spent the rest of the evening strolling around the night with one friend until I eventually went and slept.
For much of the next day I saw everything with a new sort of wonder, and enjoyed a beautiful lunch with some friends and their amazing little daughter. I remained mostly very present, and what reflection I did was on the exhilaration of the trip. By that evening, though, I came to feel rather disconnected from the physical world, and it seemed very eerie. I wrestled with the so seemingly “real” hostility I’d experienced during the first half of the trip, and my logical mind’s reminders that I was hallucinating. Over the last two days, the sense of eeriness and residual recollections of the terror I felt have lessened but still arise here and there. Plus my senses all seem heightened and I've had moments of abstract paranoia. I did have a beautiful dream the first night following, of an unearthly landscape I never would’ve conceived prior.
Anyway, the only thing I’d experienced that was similar to this was years back, during the aforementioned MDA trip, where I took way too much and ended up in a concert medical tent. In that case, the EMTs tending to me had huge twisted “alien” heads, and seemed to be operating on my totally helpless self. I felt myself die and watched as I rode a pillar of fire into space where I floated, filled with deep sadness.
Would love to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things... particularly the morphing of those around you into hostile entities, the feeling of overcoming said hostility. Also any thoughts about why one might be prone to experiencing that sort of subject-of-the-experiment, operating table dynamic. A friend of mine proposed it might be a result of me attempting to cling to my sense of self in the face of a completely altered sense of reality. Makes some sense. I also know that I grew up being a little more self-conscious than I'd like, though I've moved beyond that in for most intents and purposes. But part of me wonders if these sort of hallucinations are from a buried, sub-conscious tendency to define myself through other humans. Plus I carry some vague senses of shame and... differentness.
Any thoughts are deeply appreciated. It will likely be a long while before I try it again, but with the right circumstances and setting I would love to experience the feeling of connectivity and peace so many speak about.
Although I haven't seen such thing yet on DMT, but I link this to it closely, maybe third eye related...