Overwhelming and panicky sub-breakthrough - need advice

[Atari]

I've done DMT three times now.

First time, approximately 10mg: I was still learning to hit the GvG so I don't think I got much more than 10mg even though I loaded more. I got colorful open eyes visuals with intense vibrations.

Second time, approximately 10mg: I'm still learning to hit the pipe. This time was a bit more intense. Instead of just visuals in my vision, stuff in my room actually started morphing as well. CEV consisted of fast moving colorful patterns. Reality was fading away, but I was still there. I felt I was losing a sense of self, but not 100%. It made me feel like I was losing everything I had and I felt so grateful for what I have because it was like having glimpses of losing it all. It also had a great effect on my mind. The thoughts were very self-critical, that I'm not loving my family enough, and this was accompanied by the thought and feeling that there is nothing more important than love. It was so intense that it brought me to tears.

The second experience was intense so I decided I will return to it tomorrow for my third round.

Third time, approximately 20mg: I loaded 35mg in the bowl. I was still learning to hit it so I put a little extra to make up for lost spice from poor technique. My intention was to take 30mg or so. I was hoping to breakthrough. I hit the GvG differently this time and as a result it produced way more vapor. I knew this as I was hitting it and chickened out of going all the way. I took quite a bit in but definitely could have taken in more.

I closed my eyes and things started getting super intense, very fast paced with a very overwhelming feeling. It felt like I had died and I was stuck in this minecraft like void. I can't even describe what I was seeing other than that it was mincraft like and it felt like I was a particle swimming through other particles. Things were fast but it was also slow. Very hard to describe. I started to panic a bit because it felt very uncomfortable, very alien, and somewhat dark. I started thinking how crazy this was and then, in a bit of a panic, I finally decided I wanted out so I stood up, opened my eyes and tried snapping out of it. I was back in room and still had all sorts of crazy OEVs. I had thoughts like THIS STUFF IS CRAZY, I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS. I was still tripping a bit and thought WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, MY BRAIN IS PERMANENTLY MESSED UP, OH YEAH I TOOK DMT, WHAT HAVE I DONE. Then I reminded myself it's just a ride and it will all be over soon, and I calmed down a bit.

Anyway, it was pretty scary and intense. I did panic a bit while it was happening, but I'm not tormented by the experience. After some research, I believe I was stuck in between realms of reality and hyperspace. Others also had a similar experience at this level and many also find it extremely uncomfortable.

I want to breakthrough but I'm not sure how I should proceed because I don't want a breakthrough to be even more panicky than this sub-breakthrough. I believe there are a couple ways I can go about this:

1) Take a lot of small doses until I become very familiar with the effects and I'm comfortable "letting go", then try to breakthrough.

2) Take the plunge and go for a breakthrough dose. From what I understand there's a huge difference between sub-breakthrough and breakthrough. Other reports say that they are very uncomfortable with low doses but a full breakthrough is different, more comfortable, and you don't really have the capacity to panic anyway. I've read that my exact concern was resolved for others by taking a full breakthrough dose.

 

[Aum_Shanti]

Lol, I completely recognize my own experiences in this report...
That's also why I chickened out after some trials and since then paused with DMT.
(mainly done lower dose 5-MeO-DMT and some DPT since then)
So I'm also interested how this develops for you.

I only find it interesting that DMT is not very colorful visual for me, like it seems to be for you and other people.
For me OEV just objects first start to get the typical tryptamine pattern all over them, and then they start to become perfectly geometric in form and shape, with geometric forms starting to vibrate as if they wanna explode.
CEV I do have visuals, which are very faint. Like on a monitor where the backlight is in a setting that you just so start to be able to see what's on the screen.
but one can hardly recognize anything as the visuals change that fast, that you cannot really see anything deliberately. As if someone is doing a slideshow with pictures showing you every picture just for 0.1s.

Would be interested if for you visuals were very vivid or not?

 

[syberdelic]

I have had very similar experiences in the past. I would suggest that you will get much more out of it if you build up slowly and become more familiar with the head space of DMT.

There is a lot to be learned from the lower doses and this slow build up will help you to get more out of it when you do break through.

And a final suggestion is that we should all reassess how we approach the "breakthrough". Just the term alone suggests that something is forced. This sort of macho/machismo attitude toward DMT usage cannot be healthy even if it's just a subconscious cultural pervasiveness. I have found that my experiences on DMT have been much less harrowing and so much more enjoyable and productive since I have started making a conscious effort to give in to the experience rather than trying to hold the reins.

 

[Asher7]

I can also identify with this one. I won't go into my experiences as I've posted them all over but one thing that sticks with me is, I may have made myself gun shy.

Doing a few small doses, and then one explosive one I noticed with the explosive one I forget "I am me". That cancels a lot of the intense introversion of the smaller doses.
It'll still blow your shoes off, but, in a different way. I was trying to be "responsible".

In contrast, when I stumbled on salvia (pretty high quality plain leaf at first) I didnt realize much past weed or acid in the sense of mind altering buzzes so I went for broke with each hit and I think I never gave that smaller dose introversion a chance to seep into my head and make me nervous or scared. I just shot off like a rocket into carnival land.

So I wonder, if I was my "less responsible" younger self and just went for broke, if my experiences with dmt might be completely different. Now I'm still nervous. I think about it all the time but 5 months later everytime I entertain the thought, "it's just not time yet".

One of these days I'll probably be "faded" enough to just pull the trigger and realize I've wasted a massive amount of time being scared for no real reason. Afterall we have adrenaline glands for a reason

 

[Atari]

Lol, I completely recognize my own experiences in this report...
That's also why I chickened out after some trials and since then paused with DMT.
(mainly done lower dose 5-MeO-DMT and some DPT since then)
So I'm also interested how this develops for you.

I only find it interesting that DMT is not very colorful visual for me, like it seems to be for you and other people.
For me OEV just objects first start to get the typical tryptamine pattern all over them, and then they start to become perfectly geometric in form and shape, with geometric forms starting to vibrate as if they wanna explode.
CEV I do have visuals, which are very faint. Like on a monitor where the backlight is in a setting that you just so start to be able to see what's on the screen.
but one can hardly recognize anything as the visuals change that fast, that you cannot really see anything deliberately. As if someone is doing a slideshow with pictures showing you every picture just for 0.1s.

Would be interested if for you visuals were very vivid or not?

Lower dose visuals were very bright but 2 dimensional with rapid changing colors, one color at a time.

The trip that was right on the edge of breakthrough was also one color at a time and it didn't seem to change as rapidly, but it was more 3D. It was also a bit fainter in color, like you described with the monitor, but yes it was extremely vivid. It was nothing I could recognize, but whatever the hell was going on, it was vivid. The picture was changing very fast as well, not as fast as you seem to describe, but I wouldn't call that not vivid, just very fast.