I "dropped" acid for the first time a week ago. Maybe the summary (one of many...) is that the more of these substances I do (and I don't really do them that often), the more they seem to resemble one another. They are starting to take me to the same place. That is what the parts of this trip report will cover:
I have been typing the trip report and it is LONNNNNGGG. so i have broken it up into a few parts so that if you don't like the first one, you don't have to keep going!! I really want to share this with all of you, but I know how daunting endless script can be.
So here is part 1
To believe what I KNEW on 4 hits of acid last week (my first time) is to believe that I am my own maker. That all I perceive, all that is under the purview of these weak orbs, and all that is contained in this feeble mind, is of my own doing, my own construction, my own fabulation. Or confabulation…
I AM GOD.
No, this is not another messianic foray into a solipsistic megalomania. I am humbled, whether there is truth in what I felt or not. And I sensed, with a depth so ineffable :
That I am you and you are me and I am god and so are we.
So much for the conundrum of solipsism… annihilated with the realization that yes, there is nothing beyond me, but more pertinently :
we are all me and i am all you.
There was a contract of sorts. I « signed » it. And the contents will be revealed in their entirety when I am no longer. But – some substances allow you to intuit it, at least in part. They are keys to your mind and to your overmind and to your over-over mind and to your over-over-over-…
This is what I began to feel then know an hour into the experience. I felt great love and a mild euphoria building in me at first ; then a loss of equilibrium, blue/red fringing and some focusing difficulties – words on the page I was writing floated and morphed. I decided to concentrate on one thing, and wrote it down :
Fundamentally, there is always beauty and humour.
Then spontaneously this came to me :
You are in the driver’s seat, so DRIVE !!!
Then this :
I am learning new ways to breathe,
New paths for air
Careening to new places and novel forms ;
Breathless Beauty Breathed
In
A
Single
Breath.
I then wrote about what I was writing :
The pen swims and bends with tendrils of sound, ripples of colour and harmony coalescing in me.
And I looked at the clock - 3 :14. Now I don’t believe in synchronicity (but I acknowledge all my beliefs are merely that – beliefs… and furthermore that they are all being challenged, attacked from all sides, invaded…). But for about 2 years now (oddly coinciding approximately with the conception of my now 16 month old son), in waves, it seems that everytime I look at the clock (during the day, or rising for a midsleep pee at night) it reads :
3:14
Uncanny. Happens very often. Some periods every day for a week or two, once sometimes twice a day. Then once in a month. Waves.
Random coincidence ? random # ? Pi ? something else ? Synchronicity ?
And now on a hallucinogenic substance, I look up and those three digits stare back… Granted I was looking at the clock every ten minutes or so, but still… It seemed so deeply significant.
I was shivering deep penetrating tremors, alternating hot & cold & hot & cold , seeing alternately red blue red blue red blue… Warring polarities, opposites co-existing. The shivers are electric – Fear & Control & Rapture & Submission & Death & Life ; something or SOME THING was flowing through me.
It was myself.
I flowed through me – I felt the water rushing whereas before I beheld only the river.
I was getting down to the ROOT. The fabric of existence. I was on the cusp of a great revelation. I felt emboldened and humbled, and realized that there is ultimately only one choice we make :
FEAR OR ACCEPTANCE.
It is for us to reconcile the mortal and immortal. If there is meaning, perhaps this is it, the bottom line, the end of the rope, the sense :
Be at one with your life and your death. And make them one, for they are one as all is ONE.
This, on 4 hits of acid, was what appeared crystalline in its truth.
JBArk
stay tuned: more to follow...
LINK TO PART II
I have been typing the trip report and it is LONNNNNGGG. so i have broken it up into a few parts so that if you don't like the first one, you don't have to keep going!! I really want to share this with all of you, but I know how daunting endless script can be.
So here is part 1
To believe what I KNEW on 4 hits of acid last week (my first time) is to believe that I am my own maker. That all I perceive, all that is under the purview of these weak orbs, and all that is contained in this feeble mind, is of my own doing, my own construction, my own fabulation. Or confabulation…
I AM GOD.
No, this is not another messianic foray into a solipsistic megalomania. I am humbled, whether there is truth in what I felt or not. And I sensed, with a depth so ineffable :
That I am you and you are me and I am god and so are we.
So much for the conundrum of solipsism… annihilated with the realization that yes, there is nothing beyond me, but more pertinently :
we are all me and i am all you.
There was a contract of sorts. I « signed » it. And the contents will be revealed in their entirety when I am no longer. But – some substances allow you to intuit it, at least in part. They are keys to your mind and to your overmind and to your over-over mind and to your over-over-over-…
This is what I began to feel then know an hour into the experience. I felt great love and a mild euphoria building in me at first ; then a loss of equilibrium, blue/red fringing and some focusing difficulties – words on the page I was writing floated and morphed. I decided to concentrate on one thing, and wrote it down :
Fundamentally, there is always beauty and humour.
Then spontaneously this came to me :
You are in the driver’s seat, so DRIVE !!!
Then this :
I am learning new ways to breathe,
New paths for air
Careening to new places and novel forms ;
Breathless Beauty Breathed
In
A
Single
Breath.
I then wrote about what I was writing :
The pen swims and bends with tendrils of sound, ripples of colour and harmony coalescing in me.
And I looked at the clock - 3 :14. Now I don’t believe in synchronicity (but I acknowledge all my beliefs are merely that – beliefs… and furthermore that they are all being challenged, attacked from all sides, invaded…). But for about 2 years now (oddly coinciding approximately with the conception of my now 16 month old son), in waves, it seems that everytime I look at the clock (during the day, or rising for a midsleep pee at night) it reads :
3:14
Uncanny. Happens very often. Some periods every day for a week or two, once sometimes twice a day. Then once in a month. Waves.
Random coincidence ? random # ? Pi ? something else ? Synchronicity ?
And now on a hallucinogenic substance, I look up and those three digits stare back… Granted I was looking at the clock every ten minutes or so, but still… It seemed so deeply significant.
I was shivering deep penetrating tremors, alternating hot & cold & hot & cold , seeing alternately red blue red blue red blue… Warring polarities, opposites co-existing. The shivers are electric – Fear & Control & Rapture & Submission & Death & Life ; something or SOME THING was flowing through me.
It was myself.
I flowed through me – I felt the water rushing whereas before I beheld only the river.
I was getting down to the ROOT. The fabric of existence. I was on the cusp of a great revelation. I felt emboldened and humbled, and realized that there is ultimately only one choice we make :
FEAR OR ACCEPTANCE.
It is for us to reconcile the mortal and immortal. If there is meaning, perhaps this is it, the bottom line, the end of the rope, the sense :
Be at one with your life and your death. And make them one, for they are one as all is ONE.
This, on 4 hits of acid, was what appeared crystalline in its truth.
JBArk
stay tuned: more to follow...
LINK TO PART II
