Love this smallbig room love you people!
Have many difficulties at the moment and just take this place now.... talked already to a good friend on the phone but this place seems to me more open and quiet... also she doesnt have any spiceexperience...
See my life as a constant turbulence and wonder, where`s the now...
I catch myself many times this day, floating away in thoughts and call myself back :Makes no sense...NOW i am!
Last year i had my first visit in Hyperspace and opened so many doors, that i now have to accept my output ;-)
At first I visited another world for really long time (whole night).
It felt like I pealed my skin of, had also a strange breathing like pleaded groaning, like i wanted to press something out of my body, like an oral birth of my old being.
I rubed my whole body and turned all time around (lying in bed all time). Under my old skin came a beautyfull brown soft skin, like really another body (i haven`t been unhappy with my body just another dimension opened). I lay in a place like a beautyful tent aroud us drums and other kind of percussion i`ve never seen before. Around my arms have been wonderful wooden braceletts and it felt like a little bit if there were entities around me which beautyfully supportet me, gave me the feeling being something special. The light was very earthy kind of brown orange warm colours. I got up at the end and had a look around. Was kind of desert but not hot just a place. I went around and felt a cold breath around me, looked further and could see an entitie similar to this black riders from lord of the rings floating about half a meter over the ground stucked on one place... I felt a bit scared cause it was so cold around there but also i felt curious and had deep in myself the feeling i want to get now the "dark side". went nearer... had kind of a look under this entity, was kind of a black whole...endless deepwideopen... went nearer... got horrible really horrible bloody cruel disgusting making me throw up visions of humanity... i still become restless feeling this situation... got really shocked went away, looked around, the place was still there, i went around and found a really special place! A circle with a massive rockchristal minimum 5m high enlighted and so warm...hmmm...soooo beautyfull relaxing homefeeling reloading place, sattled down and loaded up like a battery. Was again curious to the "dark side" went there, again this uhhaghhchghch disgusting bloody visions. Went back to the chrystal, had another look around to the place i told before with the drums and this nice energies. After a while i foud a place which made a strange but good impression, like a very tidy, luxerious garden, with fine cut hedges kind of labyrinth somehow not to get lost i was leaded by something. Than there was a temple, i went inside and saw another chrystal but not like the other one, much straighter, red, smooth edges, very cool somehow but still powerfull. there i felt more submissive like there was a higher "thing" i made myself smaller infront of but with respect for eachother.
At the rock chriystal i had also a very strong feeling of holyness but more mature more just for me more home.
So, several times i went between arghhuahhhch throwing up horrible bloody visions and the tewmple and the chrystal...
later on the world got more trippy and spacy... there were entitys walking around havin very funny shape, beeing like a quadratic, strange funny eyes somewhere on the body moving like a ball would roll but still havin legs and arms, difficult to discribe them, friendly not interested in me they have been...
funny plants spirals tribals winds....
went back to my kind of tent lay down looked around sayd conciously goodbye and thanks to whatever, blessed the darkones...
got back to my body...felt massive, big, heavy, not unhappy but just like caught again... had the idea, i was invisible before, got to know a world where i can be, when my body won`t be a home for me anymore. I feel very bounded to the earth to this life! I love my child beyond measure and also for trancedance and psychedelic and nature and everything, I love life!!! but just this knowledge about this world gave me kind of REALpeace.
Was on the fullmoonfestival in germany at that time experiencing all that in our nice comfortable vw-bus.
Wanted to see at first when i got up this georgous guy who gave me that chance to go there. He came imediatly "by accident" ;-)
Around him, for the next five days (and it occures still when i think about him) was a bright orange never seen such a beautyfull glittery massive big (diameter 5m) dome of light. I could say nothing, i didnt need to say anything, i took him in my arms, all time i saw him i had to touch him, give my most beautyful smile, cry of happiness!!!! I was full of love like never before! Made on that festival amazing stuff, singing, drumming, dancing, crying with people, made love all totally mature, pure, real, loving!
hmmm.... actually not to discribe, its all beyond words my feelings...
ok, thats the starting point...
After this festival my life broke down completely, all ever haded buildingsites came up to get theyr attention...my tooth fell appart (long time already dentist needed)
my intervertebral disc made me so paralyzed, i couldt move for 4 days, thought i would need a wheelchair now or couldnt even think about moving ever again (full on acid, no painkillers worked) found a really good healer in cranio-sacral-therapy and ostheopatie... came up again.
All realationships (boyfriend, child, father of our child, parent, brother, sisters just everyone) came to a ground of building up purity and smashing down old structures. Nothing is anymore like it was before, but still i had and have the feeling its nessesary and good.
none of my friends ever took spice, couldnt find anysupport on my spiritual level, fell in dpression but just on the surface...
Now, this summer the trance called me back on the indian spirit festival. People had changa, got so many presents from so many people went to hyperspace 5 times in 4 days, while trancedancing and on the fire.
Haave many strange things going on, splitting up with my boyfriend, moving to spain soon, loosing all ob, loosing my rent house, feeling like in a kind of interim solution with the strong feeling getting somwhere, making kind of reset.
FINDING THIS PLACE, get to know new people much more attached to LIFE.
Actually i have the feeling its all too much to bare, but cant change it now it is how it is and not possible to get out there. No reason to go in resistance cause the flow has me strong is his hands!
but still, strong feeling of needing help! Don`t know wherefore, cause its just my life i have to deal with ;-)
big grean in my face at the moment. Feeling a bit exhausted. Calling up this stuff is a trip itself.
Don`t know if anybody makes the afford to read all this, but I´m happy to have it written like this its THERE. Need to concentrate on breathing....hmmmmm
Had big discussions today, shall leave the house, pack my stuff, will move on monday from one friend to another until i have enough money to spend in petrol to go to spain...Till(son) and his father will leave already next week, i gonna have two month, making money, hold a farewell ceremony to germany and the people here....
I feel like a psychopath, but still more in life than most people around me...
HELP!!i´m ok thank you, but still feel strong need sattling down in spirit and peace...breathing is my mainpoint now!
