Earlier this week I had a good friend come to visit who has been curious about trying the pharma combo. Mainly due to my ranting of postive experiences involving awe and self-fulfillment.
So at the start of three days I had a good amount of harmala and some rootbark. The harmala had been cleaned up much more than any I'd used before. The root bark took a whole three days to get anything out of, as I felt rushed for being on a schedule of such as my friend was only over for three days. I was having lots of problems with getting what I needed out of what I had which was very frustrating, as my friend had travelled a fair way to see me and I don't see him often.
Anyway, long story short I didn't have anything that resembled a solid crystal in the fumarate to freebase conversion (my friend wanted to try vaporizing as well ), but as a fumarate I had 150mg. As I couldn't get it to solidify I told my friend that I'd dissolve what I had into a liquid and split that and we'd both have the same amount of that. I noticed a few crystal-like substances in a few other jars I had left aside over the few days and all those went in as well (with consent). But what it came down to was in the end, we had no idea how much we had.
We started the ritual with half a cup of black coffee each on empty stomachs and the time was around 1:30am in a candle lit living room with an ambient radio station playing throughout.
To begin I weighed out 235mg each of my super clean harmala in a glass of citric acid solution and a drop of honey. This was drank very quickly and was followed up with a slice of toast.
After 20 minutes I began to feel the effects. For some reason it felt much stronger than higher doses I'd had before. I felt very heavy and when I stood I had intense head rushes.
After 30 minutes I started having visuals very reminiscent of iboga. There were outlines of objects, for example my hand moving in unison as if on individuals displays of a multi-screen TV system. Never before had I had visual effects off of harmala alone, so this put off the consumption of the DMT for about 20 minutes while I acclimatized to the effects. Also we had gas. Not a vital detail, but yes... the harmala gave us gas.
So then at around 45-50 minutes we consumed the DMT same as the harmala in a glass of water with citric acid and a drop of honey, followed up by a nice cup of tea.
Around 15-20 minutes later closed-eye visuals were noted. They were very gentle but highly intricate lights. At first I thought they were just random specks but then I became aware that they were spiraling like a vast galaxy with my POV (point of view) moving around it and then back to the original position. Many intricate lights followed and this stage seemed to last for quite a while making me think that was all we were in store for.
Some time after that I started to get the all to familiar goddess-like women I often see when under the influence of this combo. They often flirt with me and I just smile back at them politely, but this time I tried exerting a sexual energy towards them. I always forget that DMT doesn't like being used as a porno and as usual it turned this beauty before me into something else. It started with a flirtacious flick of her tongue... which got longer and longer until eventually it split into two and then cocooned her, only when she hatched she was not a bright and elegant butterfly, but a twisted and torn, truly terrifying rendition of primitive man.
This as usual made me jump a little and I opened my eyes hoping to return back to the mood of the trip before. It was not so. This creature was now there all the time, along with many other creatures of a threatening nature. They had no love for me and their purpose and intent was clear. They hated me and meant me harm. I kept opening my eyes to escape, though I couldn't run forever. After about 5 minutes of running scared from my minds eye, I committed to the moment and stared down this terrifying creature until I no longer felt fear, but understanding. At this moment the creature's gaze became less intense and all around it calmed to beautiful elegant lights and the creature faded away and behind it was a similar creature, but with a calm wisdom in his eyes, rather than the malice of the one before. His calm radiated into me and he faded away.
It was around this point I felt that all to familiar feeling. It came from the centre of my brow. A feeling of something inside being lifted, like when DMT is vaporized. I never had this feeling from oral DMT and the concept of breaking through unprepared was very intimidating. It was around this time that I saw "you know who". It was as if between "them" and my physical body, we were having a tug of war with my consciousness, as if they were dragging me towards a breakthrough I was far to unwilling to oblige.
Every now and then their strength overcame mine. Opened eyed I was lifted out of the reality of my living room which was now only my living room in shape, as all material was now a checked blue and yellow felt-like fuzz, as if a blanket had been draped over. My friend now had no face.
As my consciousness was sucked up and out of the top of my head, I felt as though I was running and they were chasing me down, but once it came to it I was well and truly in there grasp and materialized inside a mixing bowls full of other humans. I tried to overpower this reality and returned to my living room. It was short lived. Then I was right back there in that mixing bowl. This battle of the mind went on for what seemed like hours, until a hand came down from a very bright light into the bowl and lifted me out.
The owner of the hand I could not see, but it had such a caring presence. If it wasn't for the events that came beforehand I would have felt very much at peace. This new presence now showed me everything, how they are the shepherds of this reality, that they are where we came from in the beginning and one day we shall return to them, once we as a race have reached a level of harmony and understanding comparable to theirs and until that day we as a whole are not fit company for them and it's back to the mixing bowl with me. It's like we are a sauce in a pot that is not quite ready for eating and they were putting me back to add more spices and to let simmer.
Right about then I felt myself pull back down to slot right back in between my eyes and back to my felt laden living room, which was now being constantly redefined and re-written at an intensity that I have never seen before. This experience was now more exhausting then my previous encounter. I felt like I should be sick. I had a little nausea but it wasn't enough to eject, but I felt if I didn't get this out of me then this would go on forever. So I wrapped my fingers around my tonsils a good 3 times and on the third time a yellow liquid ejected out into the bowl. I was now seeing the threatening presence from before looking back at me from the bowl and this made me REALLY want to be sick, as if by being sick I was getting this evil out of me and pouring it right into the face of the demon. At this point I realize my trip companion is cheering me on like I was in a race and this made me sick all the more. Turns out blowing chunks can be rather glorious.
After I am pleased I have done all I can on the vomiting front, I enter a mind loop which was also very exhausting. Around this point I was quite detached and didn't take much in, but I remember it to be very much like the visuals I get in a breakthrough experience but with no inhabitants, just textures and sounds. I remember the thoughts I was having at the time. "This is mind poison, it should be locked up. Who am I to think that I have the power to swing with these giants. Mankind is not strong enough for this, our minds are too primitive to even begin to understand what we are into here". In a short time I had gone from embracing the other as my carer and creator, but now I was questioning my worth of how I even have rights to view them in such a self-righteous ritual where I obtained something with my ungodly hands that takes me to a state I can never decipher or even comprehend in the slightest. I keep leaning over to be sick as it had become habit in this loop to do so every 20 seconds, but I'd only spit the stringy nastiness out of my mouth and resume lying down. The effects subsided over the next hour. Only 2 hours had passed since DMT consumption. That was the hardest part to get my head round.
I don't know what it is with this substance, but an experience of that intensity on mushrooms or LSD would have me beaten, broken and used up. At no point during the above experience did I feel like hope was lost, even though this was the most intense experience I have ever had. It left my mind feeling clearer than I'd known and it showed in my voice at the time. Me and my friend stayed up for hours after discussing eachothers experience. We were both far more vocally eloquent than normal and we also felt very close to eachother as there was no tension. My friend especially is known for feeling quite groggy after his chemical experiences, yet he was on top of the world. A new man I'd say.
This experience was a desperate shot at trying to get that Aya feeling. By my own ethics consuming an unknown amount of a chemical is a big no-no and I definately will not be doing it again. But I'm glad I did
I'd like to say that I have never once thought of starting a religion wherein I proclaim DMT entities to be the true messiahs, but on this occasion I was very close. This can be very convincing stuff.
I continue to worship the unknown by living my life to the fullest with no allegiance to that which can not be touched.
So at the start of three days I had a good amount of harmala and some rootbark. The harmala had been cleaned up much more than any I'd used before. The root bark took a whole three days to get anything out of, as I felt rushed for being on a schedule of such as my friend was only over for three days. I was having lots of problems with getting what I needed out of what I had which was very frustrating, as my friend had travelled a fair way to see me and I don't see him often.
Anyway, long story short I didn't have anything that resembled a solid crystal in the fumarate to freebase conversion (my friend wanted to try vaporizing as well ), but as a fumarate I had 150mg. As I couldn't get it to solidify I told my friend that I'd dissolve what I had into a liquid and split that and we'd both have the same amount of that. I noticed a few crystal-like substances in a few other jars I had left aside over the few days and all those went in as well (with consent). But what it came down to was in the end, we had no idea how much we had.
We started the ritual with half a cup of black coffee each on empty stomachs and the time was around 1:30am in a candle lit living room with an ambient radio station playing throughout.
To begin I weighed out 235mg each of my super clean harmala in a glass of citric acid solution and a drop of honey. This was drank very quickly and was followed up with a slice of toast.
After 20 minutes I began to feel the effects. For some reason it felt much stronger than higher doses I'd had before. I felt very heavy and when I stood I had intense head rushes.
After 30 minutes I started having visuals very reminiscent of iboga. There were outlines of objects, for example my hand moving in unison as if on individuals displays of a multi-screen TV system. Never before had I had visual effects off of harmala alone, so this put off the consumption of the DMT for about 20 minutes while I acclimatized to the effects. Also we had gas. Not a vital detail, but yes... the harmala gave us gas.
So then at around 45-50 minutes we consumed the DMT same as the harmala in a glass of water with citric acid and a drop of honey, followed up by a nice cup of tea.
Around 15-20 minutes later closed-eye visuals were noted. They were very gentle but highly intricate lights. At first I thought they were just random specks but then I became aware that they were spiraling like a vast galaxy with my POV (point of view) moving around it and then back to the original position. Many intricate lights followed and this stage seemed to last for quite a while making me think that was all we were in store for.
Some time after that I started to get the all to familiar goddess-like women I often see when under the influence of this combo. They often flirt with me and I just smile back at them politely, but this time I tried exerting a sexual energy towards them. I always forget that DMT doesn't like being used as a porno and as usual it turned this beauty before me into something else. It started with a flirtacious flick of her tongue... which got longer and longer until eventually it split into two and then cocooned her, only when she hatched she was not a bright and elegant butterfly, but a twisted and torn, truly terrifying rendition of primitive man.
This as usual made me jump a little and I opened my eyes hoping to return back to the mood of the trip before. It was not so. This creature was now there all the time, along with many other creatures of a threatening nature. They had no love for me and their purpose and intent was clear. They hated me and meant me harm. I kept opening my eyes to escape, though I couldn't run forever. After about 5 minutes of running scared from my minds eye, I committed to the moment and stared down this terrifying creature until I no longer felt fear, but understanding. At this moment the creature's gaze became less intense and all around it calmed to beautiful elegant lights and the creature faded away and behind it was a similar creature, but with a calm wisdom in his eyes, rather than the malice of the one before. His calm radiated into me and he faded away.
It was around this point I felt that all to familiar feeling. It came from the centre of my brow. A feeling of something inside being lifted, like when DMT is vaporized. I never had this feeling from oral DMT and the concept of breaking through unprepared was very intimidating. It was around this time that I saw "you know who". It was as if between "them" and my physical body, we were having a tug of war with my consciousness, as if they were dragging me towards a breakthrough I was far to unwilling to oblige.
Every now and then their strength overcame mine. Opened eyed I was lifted out of the reality of my living room which was now only my living room in shape, as all material was now a checked blue and yellow felt-like fuzz, as if a blanket had been draped over. My friend now had no face.
As my consciousness was sucked up and out of the top of my head, I felt as though I was running and they were chasing me down, but once it came to it I was well and truly in there grasp and materialized inside a mixing bowls full of other humans. I tried to overpower this reality and returned to my living room. It was short lived. Then I was right back there in that mixing bowl. This battle of the mind went on for what seemed like hours, until a hand came down from a very bright light into the bowl and lifted me out.
The owner of the hand I could not see, but it had such a caring presence. If it wasn't for the events that came beforehand I would have felt very much at peace. This new presence now showed me everything, how they are the shepherds of this reality, that they are where we came from in the beginning and one day we shall return to them, once we as a race have reached a level of harmony and understanding comparable to theirs and until that day we as a whole are not fit company for them and it's back to the mixing bowl with me. It's like we are a sauce in a pot that is not quite ready for eating and they were putting me back to add more spices and to let simmer.
Right about then I felt myself pull back down to slot right back in between my eyes and back to my felt laden living room, which was now being constantly redefined and re-written at an intensity that I have never seen before. This experience was now more exhausting then my previous encounter. I felt like I should be sick. I had a little nausea but it wasn't enough to eject, but I felt if I didn't get this out of me then this would go on forever. So I wrapped my fingers around my tonsils a good 3 times and on the third time a yellow liquid ejected out into the bowl. I was now seeing the threatening presence from before looking back at me from the bowl and this made me REALLY want to be sick, as if by being sick I was getting this evil out of me and pouring it right into the face of the demon. At this point I realize my trip companion is cheering me on like I was in a race and this made me sick all the more. Turns out blowing chunks can be rather glorious.
After I am pleased I have done all I can on the vomiting front, I enter a mind loop which was also very exhausting. Around this point I was quite detached and didn't take much in, but I remember it to be very much like the visuals I get in a breakthrough experience but with no inhabitants, just textures and sounds. I remember the thoughts I was having at the time. "This is mind poison, it should be locked up. Who am I to think that I have the power to swing with these giants. Mankind is not strong enough for this, our minds are too primitive to even begin to understand what we are into here". In a short time I had gone from embracing the other as my carer and creator, but now I was questioning my worth of how I even have rights to view them in such a self-righteous ritual where I obtained something with my ungodly hands that takes me to a state I can never decipher or even comprehend in the slightest. I keep leaning over to be sick as it had become habit in this loop to do so every 20 seconds, but I'd only spit the stringy nastiness out of my mouth and resume lying down. The effects subsided over the next hour. Only 2 hours had passed since DMT consumption. That was the hardest part to get my head round.
I don't know what it is with this substance, but an experience of that intensity on mushrooms or LSD would have me beaten, broken and used up. At no point during the above experience did I feel like hope was lost, even though this was the most intense experience I have ever had. It left my mind feeling clearer than I'd known and it showed in my voice at the time. Me and my friend stayed up for hours after discussing eachothers experience. We were both far more vocally eloquent than normal and we also felt very close to eachother as there was no tension. My friend especially is known for feeling quite groggy after his chemical experiences, yet he was on top of the world. A new man I'd say.
This experience was a desperate shot at trying to get that Aya feeling. By my own ethics consuming an unknown amount of a chemical is a big no-no and I definately will not be doing it again. But I'm glad I did
I'd like to say that I have never once thought of starting a religion wherein I proclaim DMT entities to be the true messiahs, but on this occasion I was very close
. This can be very convincing stuff.I continue to worship the unknown by living my life to the fullest with no allegiance to that which can not be touched.
