I feel the need to share some of what was floating through my mind in an Ayahuasca ceremony tonight... (white vine and Mimosa)
One of the blessings the medicine confers is a kind of "opening." I am now open to all the life and consciousness around me, and because I am aware of it, it extends through me, and it is part of me. I am connected to everything. I relished moments just sitting in my ceremonial space with zillions of houseplants, feeling how we were all connected. My behaviors now are largely predicated on feeling this awareness in everything. Ayahuasca has taught me how to speak and act on behalf of the whole.
Then I thought about all the people in my life who were/are doing hurtful things. It's not necessarily "on purpose," but it comes from a lack of openness and awareness of the amazing fact that everything is sentient and connected. It's like a numbness, a spiritual blindness. I understand being there, I was there until I drank for the first time--and that was the most astounding realization for me. These plants are alive, they experience love and gratitude, fear and pain, they mourn for much of what goes on in the world. The same thing with animals, with insects, with bacteria, with the sky... what an incredible net of consciousness! And the whole of my existence was predicated on actions made possible through numbness...
There was a point where I placed a cutting of vine against my ear, and I saw and heard the rainforest. The colors were SO brilliant, it was richer than film, and she took me there. Waterfalls, the voices of plants, the calls of birds... so overwhelming. So much sunlight! I felt how Aya was made of sunshine.
For this next portion, I must have been hallucinating powerfully, because I went to visit the shrine at my desk, and saw a pyrex measuring cup full of basified Mimosa bark, soaking in d-limo (that was obviously not there). The bark is incredible bark. It was handled with so much love before it arrived, and I put so much effort into preparing a supercharged space for it. The bark is open, and it wants to work with me. (Interesting, again, because I used Mimosa for an admixture tonight.) I have had many dreams in the past where I would find Mimosa bark in my kitchen; eyes would pop out all over the bark, and look at me; and then the dreams would become increasingly lucid, until I woke up with a throbbing in my forehead (this only ever happened during thunderstorms).
So I felt the strongest calling.
I happened to conveniently hallucinate a stainless steel turkey fork, and began to pick through the (imaginary) mixture at my desk. The only word to describe the bark is ELECTRIC. The bark vibrates with consciousness. When I stuck the fork inside the mixture, it felt like I was sticking a fork into my BRAIN and poking around. The energy was so intense, I felt pools of energy collect at different points in my forehead, again, and begin to vibrate. As I stirred the bark, every movement resonated with my brain. The bark is so AWAKE and it wants to TEACH. It has so much to share. Incredible...
I also spent a long time contemplating all the gratitude I have for all the people contributing to these forums! To think that someone who knows nothing of chemistry can just waltz in here and #($#@ and moan about wanting specific TYPES of chemicals (e.g. nontoxic), it is only possible because so many people have gone before, and performed so many challenging procedures, until the luxorious selection of procedures evolved that are available today. This magical experience is only possible because of what everyone else has done. People who don't have strong (or any
) backgrounds in chemistry are still able to quench a thirst for existential knowledge at the fountain of infinity, with patience and dedication. I am sincerely grateful.
It also made me think about how lots of shamanic cultures place emphasis on honor of ancestors, because they were the ones who carved the path before them. In this strange, electronic, postmodern, urban-shamanic-revival, we are carving a new path of learning, here, and there is definitely much respect to be paid to those who have gone first.
Anyway. =) Much love to everyone here. I will share more interesting visions as they occur.
One of the blessings the medicine confers is a kind of "opening." I am now open to all the life and consciousness around me, and because I am aware of it, it extends through me, and it is part of me. I am connected to everything. I relished moments just sitting in my ceremonial space with zillions of houseplants, feeling how we were all connected. My behaviors now are largely predicated on feeling this awareness in everything. Ayahuasca has taught me how to speak and act on behalf of the whole.
Then I thought about all the people in my life who were/are doing hurtful things. It's not necessarily "on purpose," but it comes from a lack of openness and awareness of the amazing fact that everything is sentient and connected. It's like a numbness, a spiritual blindness. I understand being there, I was there until I drank for the first time--and that was the most astounding realization for me. These plants are alive, they experience love and gratitude, fear and pain, they mourn for much of what goes on in the world. The same thing with animals, with insects, with bacteria, with the sky... what an incredible net of consciousness! And the whole of my existence was predicated on actions made possible through numbness...
There was a point where I placed a cutting of vine against my ear, and I saw and heard the rainforest. The colors were SO brilliant, it was richer than film, and she took me there. Waterfalls, the voices of plants, the calls of birds... so overwhelming. So much sunlight! I felt how Aya was made of sunshine.
For this next portion, I must have been hallucinating powerfully, because I went to visit the shrine at my desk, and saw a pyrex measuring cup full of basified Mimosa bark, soaking in d-limo (that was obviously not there). The bark is incredible bark. It was handled with so much love before it arrived, and I put so much effort into preparing a supercharged space for it. The bark is open, and it wants to work with me. (Interesting, again, because I used Mimosa for an admixture tonight.) I have had many dreams in the past where I would find Mimosa bark in my kitchen; eyes would pop out all over the bark, and look at me; and then the dreams would become increasingly lucid, until I woke up with a throbbing in my forehead (this only ever happened during thunderstorms).
So I felt the strongest calling.
I happened to conveniently hallucinate a stainless steel turkey fork, and began to pick through the (imaginary) mixture at my desk. The only word to describe the bark is ELECTRIC. The bark vibrates with consciousness. When I stuck the fork inside the mixture, it felt like I was sticking a fork into my BRAIN and poking around. The energy was so intense, I felt pools of energy collect at different points in my forehead, again, and begin to vibrate. As I stirred the bark, every movement resonated with my brain. The bark is so AWAKE and it wants to TEACH. It has so much to share. Incredible...
I also spent a long time contemplating all the gratitude I have for all the people contributing to these forums! To think that someone who knows nothing of chemistry can just waltz in here and #($#@ and moan about wanting specific TYPES of chemicals (e.g. nontoxic), it is only possible because so many people have gone before, and performed so many challenging procedures, until the luxorious selection of procedures evolved that are available today. This magical experience is only possible because of what everyone else has done. People who don't have strong (or any
) backgrounds in chemistry are still able to quench a thirst for existential knowledge at the fountain of infinity, with patience and dedication. I am sincerely grateful.It also made me think about how lots of shamanic cultures place emphasis on honor of ancestors, because they were the ones who carved the path before them. In this strange, electronic, postmodern, urban-shamanic-revival, we are carving a new path of learning, here, and there is definitely much respect to be paid to those who have gone first.
Anyway. =) Much love to everyone here.
I will share more interesting visions as they occur.