It sounds like you were pretty much just using dmt in the "threshhold" type doses, which are nothing in comparison to what an actual breakthrough entails..or multiple breakthroughs over a period of time. I think your realizations about you and the world would be vastly different if that route woulda been taken compared to just brushing the surface of what the experience actually is/offers. Low doses like that can be anxiety ridden too, especially done in an overindulgent manner.

The realizations I've been afforded through my heaviest of experiences have shaken every nail in my foundation loose...literally stepping back looking at the pile of myself that I thought I was. Disheartening in a sense, but extremely liberating. I'm simply not just flesh n' bones, my 9-5 job, nor am I my birth name or any sort of outside-ascribed label. At the most fundamental level I am something that AT LEAST transcends everything I thought I knew about myself and my interaction with the world.

As christian said, it does seem like a possible form of escapism. But in the end, your escaping yourself to only end right back at your front door.

And in regards to Strassman's quote.. I obviously think we contain both sides of the coin. WE have our highs of being and our lows of being...our good and our bad. But when you realize that both those sides are superceded by the whole..that ONE that's impartial to both because it IS both YET transcends both.

I would most definitely look into going on nature walks, reading, some type/s of physical activity....just all around be healthy to your body and mind and it will return the favor.