Hello PupilOfPerception,

Belated Welcome to the Nexus brother.  So much has already been said here, I'll keep my response simple.  I'm very glad to see you signed up and that you have received so many caring responses to date.  I do hope that as time passes your suffering is less.  Depression is no fun.

Like others I view DMT as a catalyst.  It has illuminated things in my mind at times that were hard to deal with, to say the least.  I've had some rather harrowing posts over the few years I've been here.  I have felt that DMT put me into or catalyzed a deep sense of despair in me.  The best thing I could do for myself was take a lot of time to both abstain from non-herbal drugs and to work on integration issues.  There's a well-written section in Integration in the Health&Safety section here:  DMT-Nexus Wiki:Health and Safety - DMT-Nexus Wiki

Also, I think it's worth saying that self-extraction can help with a lot of conscious and subconscious issues around DMT use.  Where it came from, what was done to it, when and why, NOT participating in a commerce with folks who may not care about such issues, etc. cannot be underestimated. . . .

I do hope you are feeling better with time - it is your main ally.  Feel free to post again, to drop into chat for some quick, amusing, crazy talk in realtime if you like.  I do hope you will choose to become an active member, and again a belated welcome to you.