Lavos
Rising Star
I've been hesitant to try and move deep with this substance. My salvia breakthrough left me timid, especially of smoke. I've got my reasons for not wanting to immediately dive deep. And I have a voice that disdains all reason too.
Smoking dmt gives me a very strange, very real feeling that life has stopped, or been blown away by a quick breath. Whether or not I can surrender to it, I don’t know yet. This trip initially felt way stronger than I think it was. I was still aware. But the energy I opened to was the same.
I was outside early around 10 for a bowl of salvia leaf. After this, I momentarily stretched, and bounced inside. Some people were watching tv, some were playing games, some were working on things. I decided to go ahead and dive into the bowl of spice I had packed. I’ve been reasoning with my logic to or not to smoke dmt. I know I am afraid, so instantly it is a tool for facing fear. Overcoming. I also know that to persist in fear is madness. So though I wish not to be in a rush, I am not making a living well atm, and have little else to dance with.
I only wanted a taste I decided as I walked out into the sun. I wasn’t sure about breking through, but I was willing to test my smoking tech. I sat in a chair facing south.
I lit a bowl which consisted of a small metal pipe, with a screen, a layer of salvia leaf, a thin layer of dmt, more s.d. leaf, thick layer (30mg?) dmt, and then topped the bowl with leaf. I held the pipe just shy of all the way upside down. I let the flame flicker 2 inches or so from the pipe, slowly hitting it, tasting slight hints of plasticky vanilla (not at all unpleasant) until a bit of smoke was produced. Lightening of colors, lightness in toes and feet. I take a breath and hit it again, a bit harder, letting the flame lick the top of the salvia. I only hold it about 10s. I take another small hit and hold for 20.
At this point I had slight closed eye visuals. Open eye everything just shimmered and vibrated. I let my closed eyes try to open to something within. I saw a cosmic belt, orbiting, into me, a realization that it runs through me, yet, might appear to begin and end with me. Unnerving and also calming it seemed. I saw a white 2d skyline, like mario graphics layered, it approached me, and pressed me, as if to condense everything I have known into a slide, a piece of this, let us move you away from that.
I heard someone shuffling, and decided to stand and bend a few times, moving my hips and shoulders. At this point I thought to myself, no reason in leaving the bowl more than half full now, I feel okay with this.
I sat down, and started as above. Holding the flame about an inch away, (this worked a bit better due to the thick layer of salvia leaf) And over 10 or more seconds worked the flame lightly into the pipe. I thought, whoa, this could be heavy, as I set the pipe down and retreated into my self, legs outstretched and ankles crossed.
Instantly a room as big as anything I could know opened. A father figure seemed to stand out and glow in this golden star strung panorama. He held his arms open, and I felt myself breaking down. Forgot about heartbeat and breath. It wanted to inhale me it seemed. The gold web pulsated and objects in space just vexed out of control like my mind creating 100,000 things/patterns per second. I’ve told myself since my first arrays, it wants to turn me inside out, laughing. I was ushered very quickly, by I don’t know what at all. Couldn’t see much, but could feel the approach of many. This was very strong after I saw an image of a couch in a living room (I think I associate my younger self a lot with couches, sleeping on them, playing on them? Almost always at my fathers house we would sleep on pull out sofas) I felt things behind me, celebrating me. Why do so many want to tell me its okay??? It’s so personal feeling, like hey baby, all that’s over now, you’re back home. No words, just a primordial parental coo. I saw something like hair and medium colors of blue come to my face, and brush by me. This bothered me a bit and I pulled away. I opened my eyes and thought, shit, it wants to pull me through, and here I am trying to figure out if I am surrendering or not. This whole ‘ego shedding’ thing keeps catching me in the middle, like I really keep trying to figure out HOW the oob experience occurs. I get worried that I’ll get stuck in limbo? Like how am I to melt back into life if I melt out of it? It’s funny and weird and a little demanding.
So back to the trip. I look to my right, and I swear the scenery has changed, lol, it vibrates. I’m sure I slipped out. I look at my feet and they appear to be hovering over the ground. I close my eyes. And feel out my weird headspace. The sound of a bird seems to repeat itself at the same time intervals. I wonder if I’m stuck here, forever delusional, for time itself seems to be something ‘else’. I think I could be here until I address something or let go. I focus on my third eye, hoping to allow my body to materialize where it wants. I see flashes of light, strange organic geometry moving, nothing crazy. Just the thought that here I am, not sure if I’m letting go. Anxious.
I hear the door open, and repeat a familiar phrase to let anyone know I am fine and want to be alone. I realized that I wouldn’t of heard a thing of course if I was fully out. This thought did breeze by me. And I opened my eyes again, wondering if I was looking at a dream. Medium-ish open eye visuals. I had said that phrase before, and that bird kept repeating. And now slowed. How long had I been here, was I hallucinating the person I saw? It somehow crushes the illusion of time and every moment seems to be the only moment.
I questioned things and my acceptance of them. I thought of my love for people, and the love of something new for me. Something that had for so long waited. Really what the hell do they seem so excited for? Like OMG! he’s coming out of the human experience! hey check it out guys this ones coming awake right now!!! Aside from that you got the fact that there is such vast energy, planets can be created and thrown into corners and belts and saws and teeth spin into and out of place like someone wanted them there. It can be very disorienting.
When I decided maybe I wasn’t dreaming, and the vibration of things settled a bit, I jumped up. Excited to be solid. I ran through the yard. Went and patted someone on the back. I felt good to have ‘people’ around. I did a 1min. hand stand with lots of gusto, (still practicing for full balance). Went back in, cleaned up a bit, said, without guilt, it’s a shame I sat around yesterday and let this place get dirty for nothing.
I plan on doing ayahuasca before I do a full dmt dose. But if I can get some harmalas, who knows. I have half a mind to leave spice alone until I get some shrooms and can associate at a lower level of intensity. Not just mental but emotional intensity there, brings up sooooooo much weight from the past man. I wonder if a week of light pharma doses would help ease and prepare me for a deeper journey.
Smoking dmt gives me a very strange, very real feeling that life has stopped, or been blown away by a quick breath. Whether or not I can surrender to it, I don’t know yet. This trip initially felt way stronger than I think it was. I was still aware. But the energy I opened to was the same.
I was outside early around 10 for a bowl of salvia leaf. After this, I momentarily stretched, and bounced inside. Some people were watching tv, some were playing games, some were working on things. I decided to go ahead and dive into the bowl of spice I had packed. I’ve been reasoning with my logic to or not to smoke dmt. I know I am afraid, so instantly it is a tool for facing fear. Overcoming. I also know that to persist in fear is madness. So though I wish not to be in a rush, I am not making a living well atm, and have little else to dance with.
I only wanted a taste I decided as I walked out into the sun. I wasn’t sure about breking through, but I was willing to test my smoking tech. I sat in a chair facing south.
I lit a bowl which consisted of a small metal pipe, with a screen, a layer of salvia leaf, a thin layer of dmt, more s.d. leaf, thick layer (30mg?) dmt, and then topped the bowl with leaf. I held the pipe just shy of all the way upside down. I let the flame flicker 2 inches or so from the pipe, slowly hitting it, tasting slight hints of plasticky vanilla (not at all unpleasant) until a bit of smoke was produced. Lightening of colors, lightness in toes and feet. I take a breath and hit it again, a bit harder, letting the flame lick the top of the salvia. I only hold it about 10s. I take another small hit and hold for 20.
At this point I had slight closed eye visuals. Open eye everything just shimmered and vibrated. I let my closed eyes try to open to something within. I saw a cosmic belt, orbiting, into me, a realization that it runs through me, yet, might appear to begin and end with me. Unnerving and also calming it seemed. I saw a white 2d skyline, like mario graphics layered, it approached me, and pressed me, as if to condense everything I have known into a slide, a piece of this, let us move you away from that.
I heard someone shuffling, and decided to stand and bend a few times, moving my hips and shoulders. At this point I thought to myself, no reason in leaving the bowl more than half full now, I feel okay with this.
I sat down, and started as above. Holding the flame about an inch away, (this worked a bit better due to the thick layer of salvia leaf) And over 10 or more seconds worked the flame lightly into the pipe. I thought, whoa, this could be heavy, as I set the pipe down and retreated into my self, legs outstretched and ankles crossed.
Instantly a room as big as anything I could know opened. A father figure seemed to stand out and glow in this golden star strung panorama. He held his arms open, and I felt myself breaking down. Forgot about heartbeat and breath. It wanted to inhale me it seemed. The gold web pulsated and objects in space just vexed out of control like my mind creating 100,000 things/patterns per second. I’ve told myself since my first arrays, it wants to turn me inside out, laughing. I was ushered very quickly, by I don’t know what at all. Couldn’t see much, but could feel the approach of many. This was very strong after I saw an image of a couch in a living room (I think I associate my younger self a lot with couches, sleeping on them, playing on them? Almost always at my fathers house we would sleep on pull out sofas) I felt things behind me, celebrating me. Why do so many want to tell me its okay??? It’s so personal feeling, like hey baby, all that’s over now, you’re back home. No words, just a primordial parental coo. I saw something like hair and medium colors of blue come to my face, and brush by me. This bothered me a bit and I pulled away. I opened my eyes and thought, shit, it wants to pull me through, and here I am trying to figure out if I am surrendering or not. This whole ‘ego shedding’ thing keeps catching me in the middle, like I really keep trying to figure out HOW the oob experience occurs. I get worried that I’ll get stuck in limbo? Like how am I to melt back into life if I melt out of it? It’s funny and weird and a little demanding.
So back to the trip. I look to my right, and I swear the scenery has changed, lol, it vibrates. I’m sure I slipped out. I look at my feet and they appear to be hovering over the ground. I close my eyes. And feel out my weird headspace. The sound of a bird seems to repeat itself at the same time intervals. I wonder if I’m stuck here, forever delusional, for time itself seems to be something ‘else’. I think I could be here until I address something or let go. I focus on my third eye, hoping to allow my body to materialize where it wants. I see flashes of light, strange organic geometry moving, nothing crazy. Just the thought that here I am, not sure if I’m letting go. Anxious.
I hear the door open, and repeat a familiar phrase to let anyone know I am fine and want to be alone. I realized that I wouldn’t of heard a thing of course if I was fully out. This thought did breeze by me. And I opened my eyes again, wondering if I was looking at a dream. Medium-ish open eye visuals. I had said that phrase before, and that bird kept repeating. And now slowed. How long had I been here, was I hallucinating the person I saw? It somehow crushes the illusion of time and every moment seems to be the only moment.
I questioned things and my acceptance of them. I thought of my love for people, and the love of something new for me. Something that had for so long waited. Really what the hell do they seem so excited for? Like OMG! he’s coming out of the human experience! hey check it out guys this ones coming awake right now!!! Aside from that you got the fact that there is such vast energy, planets can be created and thrown into corners and belts and saws and teeth spin into and out of place like someone wanted them there. It can be very disorienting.
When I decided maybe I wasn’t dreaming, and the vibration of things settled a bit, I jumped up. Excited to be solid. I ran through the yard. Went and patted someone on the back. I felt good to have ‘people’ around. I did a 1min. hand stand with lots of gusto, (still practicing for full balance). Went back in, cleaned up a bit, said, without guilt, it’s a shame I sat around yesterday and let this place get dirty for nothing.
I plan on doing ayahuasca before I do a full dmt dose. But if I can get some harmalas, who knows. I have half a mind to leave spice alone until I get some shrooms and can associate at a lower level of intensity. Not just mental but emotional intensity there, brings up sooooooo much weight from the past man. I wonder if a week of light pharma doses would help ease and prepare me for a deeper journey.
