TGO
Music is alive and in your soul. It can move you.
Psilohuasca Endeavor
**Dose: 200mg harmalas 40 minutes prior to ingesting 5g homegrown treasure coast mushrooms. It should be noted that this combination is not to be taken lightly. As always, take careful consideration into set and setting if attempting this.**
Yesterday was my first attempt at psilohuasca and I must say that I was very impressed with the effects. My cheap vacuum sealed bags don't keep a tight seal anymore and I haven't been able to replace it. Therefore, my mushrooms have been sitting in a ziplock bag with as much air squeezed out of it as possible in the freezer. This is obviously not ideal, and have since moved them into a mason jar. The point is that they have been losing potency so I was looking for a way to intensify the experience without having to eat a boatload of them.
I've had the intention of trying psilohuasca for months now, but I always psyche myself out and decide against it. Fear of the unknown, I suppose. I'm really good at making myself believe I might get in over my head and that I need to be more responsible and careful, even when all possible measures have been made to ensure a great trip. I guess it could be described as being stuck in my own head, to the point where I have a hard time trying new things. This isn't even necessarily just when it comes to psychedelics either. I'm a bit of an anti-social introvert, and convincing myself otherwise isn't always easy. Anyway, I know now that I should have been doing this method with mushrooms a long, long time ago.
I mixed the freebase rue with some OJ to help convert it to salt form. The hardest part of the whole experience was taking that shot of nasty, slightly gritty harmala infused orange juice. I hate how the powder sticks to your mouth and throat even after chasing it with moar OJ. I felt a bit nauseous due to my gag reflex being agitated so I started working on measuring out our mushies to take my mind off of it. I weighed out 4.2g for my GF (no harmalas for her this time, she wanted me to try it first...) and 5g for me.
It has been quite a while since I've orally ingested rue, so I guess you could say I sort of forgot how it affects me. Being on a completely empty stomach (last meal was 16+ hours prior) it started working pretty quickly, probably within 15 minutes. I felt sedated and calm but a little queasy and my balance was starting to get a little wobbly.
We like to pulverize our mushrooms into a powder and mix them in pulp free OJ. Since I was waiting for the harmalas to come on fully, the mushies sat in the juice for about 40-45 minutes before actually drinking it. So in a way, it is like the Lemon tek but with OJ.
After finishing the mush juice, I felt a bit bloated and slightly uncomfortable. This feeling quickly gave way to a rushing feeling. Energy seemed to be coursing through my entire body in an extremely euphoric fashion. I remember thinking, "hmmm, this feels nice!" Usually when I am coming up on mushrooms alone, I feel anxious and can't wait for that first hour to pass. This was different. The harmalas really helped dull the anxiety.
Within the first hour, visuals were starting to become noticeable, nothing major but they were there. The light and air seemed different, a bit blurry and shaky. The floor wiggled and I giggled. However, as we passed that 1 hour mark, I began to feel disappointment. I somehow convinced myself that it wasn't going to get any stronger and that "this is a waste of time I guess...don't know what all the hype is about...maybe I did something wrong..."
It was during these thoughts that my GF started reporting that her trip was coming on quite strong and I couldn't help but feel a little left behind as I sometimes do. A silly, selfish feeling, I know. I got up to go to the bathroom and this is when I first noticed that I felt almost drunk, stumbling around, bumping into the wall. Classic rue. As I sat on the pot, I felt a change in perception. "Perhaps this was going to be stronger than I thought?"
The truth is that it did start coming on quite strong after that point, but very slowly. I can only assume that the harmalas slowed down the onset time. That or the time dilation was getting so spacey that it was hard to tell how much time was passing at all. I came out of the bathroom with a big cheshire cat grin on my face and plopped back down on the couch. My GF was beginning to setup her paints and easel as she loves to paint, especially when tripping. I also bought her this live Led Zeppelin DVD for Christmas that had over 5 hours of live performances on it spanning from 1970-1979 covering some of their best work at The Royal Albert Hall, Madison Square Garden, Earl's Court, and Knebworth. I know I tend to sound like some Led Zep promoter, but hell, they are amazing and are incredible to listen to while on mushrooms. So, that is what was playing when the trip really started to take hold.
It really reminded me of the DMT headspace, like something was pulling on my skull, trying to free my soul. It was an oddly pleasant feeling. Another strange thing is that at times, it seemed like the trip would hide in my peripherals for a few moments and I would get lost in a thought loop of some sort wondering where the trip "went... where went... what went....where what went?" And then it would all come crashing back into view, front and center, and with full force. It wasn't extremely colorful, moar distorted than anything. Almost like looking through beer goggles or something of that nature. Bending, twisting, wiggling, stretching, breathing. I found it difficult to focus my gaze on anything and it was, at times, difficult to comprehend what my GF was saying to me. I would have these delayed reactions as the information slowly processed. So I would end up commenting on something that she said five minutes ago which would cause confusion and laughter. I felt like everything was in slow motion and that the air felt thick enough to swim in, if that makes any sense. Words felt funny in my mouth, so I couldn't talk very much but tried to anyway, lol. I was glued to the couch, only moving around to go to the bathroom or to change the music when the DVD ended.
At one point the trip did take a bit of a dark, emotional turn when we started talking about my older brother, who has been in and out of prison since he was 18. He is 28 now, soon to be 29. I want to believe that he will turn his life around someday, but I'm quite skeptical. The last time I saw him, we ended up in a drunken brawl on the side of the highway years ago over practically nothing. It was that day where I lost respect for him, which makes me very sad. He has grown into someone who has been hardened by prison. He gets out every once in a while, but he told me before that it is just easier to be in prison because it is "too hard to find a legit job being a felon" etc etc. He was always the guy I looked up to when we were growing up as kids, even when we lived on opposite sides of the country from each other. He was the first person I ever smoked weed with, and consequently was the person I got into the most trouble with. But we were (are) brothers and I love him to death and always will. He has a strange mentality, one that I can understand, but one that I don't agree with, hence the fighting in the streets. Believe me, I'm a lover, not a fighter, but in prison, people tend to settle their disputes with violence...needless to say, he kicked the crap out of me when I told him what he didn't want to hear.
I just wanted to get my point across to him but it didn't go through I'm afraid. The point of this story is that the trip turned into me reminiscing about the good and bad times we shared and ended with me saying I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I was in tears by the end of the discussion but it felt good to get it out of my system. It tears me up, I can't even begin to know how it must feel for my mom, good lord.
It is interesting to see where a psychedelic trip can take you. After that discussion, things returned to being completely carefree and happy. I guess I just had some negative energy to release and I have a tough time doing that on a sober level sometimes. With this psilohuasca combination, I was able to let go with ease and was reminded that sometimes you can't change things or people. You can only hope for the best and if the "best" never comes, well then, that is just life. Control what you can, lead by example, and don't worry about the unknown, what ifs, and the uncontrollable.
At this point, roughly 6 hours had past and the peak had been wrapped up around the discussion of my brother. What is interesting is that I could float into those memories with ease, almost like reliving them, but in a dream or trance like state. This is common for me when on mushrooms, but it was even easier to navigate when harmalas were thrown into the mix. I gradually started to come down through the rest of the night. We ate and watched some TV and then went to bed. I slept like a baby and feel quite refreshed and positive today.
This is a combination I won't soon forget. I should have been doing this all along. Psilohuasca is not for the faint of heart and provides deep introspection even when it is hard to face. I will absolutely continue my explorations of rue and mushrooms next time. In fact, I may never go back to just mushrooms alone! Anyway, as always, thanks for reading! Any and all thoughts are welcome!
PEACE
-TGO-
