Why am I interested in DMT....Hm.. For the short version, recent events in my life have gotten me back on track with my spiritual journey, and I know that I must seek out what journeys I can find out there. DMT has come across my path enough times that I know this is something I must initiate in my life.
Long version, well for those of you bored here is my life story of the past two revolutionary years of my life:
It begins with the end of high school. I was a very rigid-minded, conservative asian, determined to prove my academic prowess and get into an Ivy league school, become a world-famous doctor and make lots of money and whatnot. Of course, this all stemmed from an obsessive desire to make my parents proud of me(which still exists in me but we'll get to that later) I was atheist, cold, emotionally stagnant. But I thought I was happy. Graduation comes along, I've graduated valedictorian and accepted to the United States Air Force Academy. Yay me, free tuition and guaranteed job. While there, I was hazed, hated, emotionally/mentally/physically beaten down. I developed conversion disorder, where I would get seizures due to any onslaught of stress, imagine how horrific this was for someone who believed that mental strength could trump any psychological illness. I stayed through it the whole year, though, determined to prove myself. Until I developed intense suicidal thoughts, attempted, but before going through with it a friend from California contacted me after a year of near silence and, upon hearing my situation, immediately offered her home to me. I went to stay with her, living in her dorm room. I was still bitter, I was still filled with hate towards myself, and was unable to truly love my friend. I slept all day, I laid out in the sun, baking until I would sleep, I ate copious amounts of unhealthy food. I drank, smoked, and lazed around. Clearly, nothing had improved, no matter how much my loving friend tried to nurse me back to emotional life. On a whim, my friend took me to a music festival at Pyramid Lake City, NV. There, I came across acid for the first time and had the most real spiritual experience of my life. I experienced such an overwhelming love and compassion from the spirit of the mountains around me, they coaxed warmth and emotion back into me and kept communicating to me how much they loved me, that the universe gave love to anyone and everyone, that my flaws were beautiful and that it was not my time to die yet, that I needed to keep searching and keep on in this beautiful path of life. Of course, I have rarely told people of this, except the few that understood. Many beautiful events transpired from there, how to describe them...hm, almost impossible. But nonetheless, it broke my resolve that the world was cold and scientific. I still do not believe in God, but I believe in god in every living being. I received a brief kiss with the universe, but even that was enough to change my life forever. I reconnected with my parents, and came up to Washington to go back to college. But yet again, not surprisingly, the yearning for real life beckons me. This day in, day out studying is for the me that has gone through more of my spiritual journey. There is much waiting for me that I must experience before the time for my academic curiosity must be quenched. I hope to major in Physics with a background in biology and chemistry, but real word academia must wait.
And so here I am, searching for ways to go about traveling to South America and coming in contact with Nature and meeting my Spiritual One once more. The love I have for family is so intense that I cannot break off from college completely, I will travel for 3 months during the summer and return. My love for physics and knowledge of the sciences fuels me to return as well. But I know, I know, I know that I must travel to meet the Sun and perhaps come in contact with Ayahuasca if I am ready for it. The universe is just waiting for me to gather the courage to make my way down there.
I just do not know what I will do down there, where I should go first, what country to even visit! I am a novice traveler, and need the guidance from others more experienced than I. This is my first post so I don't know what to expect.
Please, whoever comes across this and has now had a taste of who I am, help me in preparing for these travels.
Gratitude and love,
Terri
Long version, well for those of you bored here is my life story of the past two revolutionary years of my life:
It begins with the end of high school. I was a very rigid-minded, conservative asian, determined to prove my academic prowess and get into an Ivy league school, become a world-famous doctor and make lots of money and whatnot. Of course, this all stemmed from an obsessive desire to make my parents proud of me(which still exists in me but we'll get to that later) I was atheist, cold, emotionally stagnant. But I thought I was happy. Graduation comes along, I've graduated valedictorian and accepted to the United States Air Force Academy. Yay me, free tuition and guaranteed job. While there, I was hazed, hated, emotionally/mentally/physically beaten down. I developed conversion disorder, where I would get seizures due to any onslaught of stress, imagine how horrific this was for someone who believed that mental strength could trump any psychological illness. I stayed through it the whole year, though, determined to prove myself. Until I developed intense suicidal thoughts, attempted, but before going through with it a friend from California contacted me after a year of near silence and, upon hearing my situation, immediately offered her home to me. I went to stay with her, living in her dorm room. I was still bitter, I was still filled with hate towards myself, and was unable to truly love my friend. I slept all day, I laid out in the sun, baking until I would sleep, I ate copious amounts of unhealthy food. I drank, smoked, and lazed around. Clearly, nothing had improved, no matter how much my loving friend tried to nurse me back to emotional life. On a whim, my friend took me to a music festival at Pyramid Lake City, NV. There, I came across acid for the first time and had the most real spiritual experience of my life. I experienced such an overwhelming love and compassion from the spirit of the mountains around me, they coaxed warmth and emotion back into me and kept communicating to me how much they loved me, that the universe gave love to anyone and everyone, that my flaws were beautiful and that it was not my time to die yet, that I needed to keep searching and keep on in this beautiful path of life. Of course, I have rarely told people of this, except the few that understood. Many beautiful events transpired from there, how to describe them...hm, almost impossible. But nonetheless, it broke my resolve that the world was cold and scientific. I still do not believe in God, but I believe in god in every living being. I received a brief kiss with the universe, but even that was enough to change my life forever. I reconnected with my parents, and came up to Washington to go back to college. But yet again, not surprisingly, the yearning for real life beckons me. This day in, day out studying is for the me that has gone through more of my spiritual journey. There is much waiting for me that I must experience before the time for my academic curiosity must be quenched. I hope to major in Physics with a background in biology and chemistry, but real word academia must wait.
And so here I am, searching for ways to go about traveling to South America and coming in contact with Nature and meeting my Spiritual One once more. The love I have for family is so intense that I cannot break off from college completely, I will travel for 3 months during the summer and return. My love for physics and knowledge of the sciences fuels me to return as well. But I know, I know, I know that I must travel to meet the Sun and perhaps come in contact with Ayahuasca if I am ready for it. The universe is just waiting for me to gather the courage to make my way down there.
I just do not know what I will do down there, where I should go first, what country to even visit! I am a novice traveler, and need the guidance from others more experienced than I. This is my first post so I don't know what to expect.
Please, whoever comes across this and has now had a taste of who I am, help me in preparing for these travels.
Gratitude and love,
Terri