rebirthspiceoflife
Rising Star
Rebirth
This was my fifth and sixth times trying DMT. I was at the OR Eclipse Festival and it was maybe an hour after the actual eclipse had just ended. We hoped this would be a really charged time.
My first time trying DMT, using a bong and the sandwich method had given me the most intense experience this far and that was over three years ago. Although intense, that experience had gotten me far enough into the crazy powerful DMT world to look down this tunnel that was rapidly disassembling my reality but no further and I never left this reality. I tried again maybe an hour after this first time and failed because I burned the spice and didn’t get a real hit. I ended up in the floor curled in a ball, puked and got a clear message that DMT was not a drug to be messed with. Both of these attempts I was home alone.
Three years later I tried vaping the spice out of a volcano, but I think it was condensing too quickly in the bag or maybe if I had tried with a ton in there. I also heard about using an oil rig and dabbing the spice so one night my gf and I both tried but had some weird user errors and no breakthrough.
OK, back to the festival, first I weighed out .055 and dabbed away. Some cool patterns and what not but nothing crazy. Also kinda weird, this trip was not very colorful. Most of the patterns were black and white. This is also where I think it’s important to talk about this really sharp pain I got this trip and the last one (about a month prior, also using a dab rig) that is most painful in my neck but also spreads about half way down my back. It’s really painful and stays until the spice has completely worn off.
My gf and friend both dab a small amount to get their feet wet (none of us have much experience dabbing spice, definitely still trying to figure out what the right dosage is for the desired effect) and nothing crazy, my turn again.
This time I weigh out .115 and set up a space to lay flat so hopefully my neck doesn’t hurt. I get the whole amount in and hold it… for a second as I start to exhale I think to myself it wasn’t enough as I’m still conscious but I don’t remember the full exhale. The next 15-20 minutes was told to me later and I have almost no recollection of any of it. I moaned and curled and twitched in what I kinda remember as being in pain. My friend who has some pretty developed spiritual beliefs that I can’t begin to describe had brought his taro books and some other spiritually charged items with him and had done some prayers and spells on me as he saw I was in agony while out there. At one point he was so concerned he put a hand on my shin and cast some kinda spell and although I don’t remember his hand I do remember the pain shooting down my leg so intensely that I kicked him and raised my leg to the ceiling (we’re in a van). When I came to, I was still hurting so bad and it took maybe a minute before it came to me… I had just done DMT?!? I look at my two companions, “I don’t remember anything?”. Still curled up and tripping really hard I remember looking around and I’ve done enough DMT to know what the after hallucinations are like and this was weird in that the patterns were there but my brain was muting them or fighting it. I wonder if the entire trip this far had I been fighting the experience? I kinda begged for help “I’m still in so much pain?…”
This is when my entire life or soul changed. My friend handed me this scarf that he had brought that had been prepared with a special combination of essential oils. One for each of the four members of his family. I’m still living this part right now and it makes me want to cry in happiness just remembering. Just as fast as the spice can take over your reality as these oils filled my lungs, all of the pain went away and I was flooded with this love that I can only describe as so powerful and so filling that it could only be from the mother of all mothers. All the pain that I had been experiencing was relieved. Not only that, but every pain I had ever felt or undergone felt necessary and such a tiny cost for what I had just received. I had been reborn into an innocence that has to be just what a newborn baby has. Unlike a baby, I have such a stark cognition of what the opposite feels like that I was severely overwhelmed and confused and just really grateful.
For the next half an hour or forty five minutes I laid on the ground smothering my face with cloth going back and forth from crying in ecstasy to laughing in confusion to receiving these great revelations.
Still in the fetal position my knee was right in front of my face and it started to look magical. My eyes gained the focus of 100x microscope and I could see every hair and poor on my knee, but it didn’t look like a hallucination but just improved vision? Then each hair received the color of a rainbow. I began to realize that not only was the pain that surrounded my neck gone (keep in mind in the past the pain would stay until the DMT completely wore off) but I could tell that my neck and back was free of this gray stretched out orb or cloud. With this absence I was able to love in a new way. This friend that had kinda been my shaman I had just met at the festival a few days ago but I had this new clarity of how I had been kinda been faking my friendship and I no longer had to. The more I thought about this dark essence being gone the more worked up I got and I started panicking saying, “how was that on me!?” I had sat up and was visually upset again so someone handed me the scarf and I layed down masking myself and peace flooded over me again. The pure gratitude and childlike vulnerability and love I felt during this rebirth was so grand and such ecstasy but not like taking some drug, I’m so satisfied and complete.
Part of me wounders if I had an experience on that other world that other people talk about. Part of me thinks that I fought it the whole time and was not able to breakthrough, was not able to relax enough or let go. I’m sitting here smiling as I type though because for right now it doesn’t matter. I received what I needed and feel like I was blessed by what felt like the mother. I did have a little more clarity on this, this mother love I felt, seemed to come from just one of the mothers. Almost like there were a society of these ‘parents’ above and she was just the mother of our world.
Lastly as I laid there letting all of this flow in and just crying like the happiest baby you have ever seen I started relating some of these feeling to a time period from years ago when I was involved with this very prophetic church. This church was Christian but the people and what they stood for was different from many Christians. They believed in serving gods children and especially those that were struggling. They loved to sing and worship god and where all about putting hands on people and healing them. My attraction to this church was greatest when they would all sing and dance worshiping god. When they would sing and play music for god I would have the overwhelming presense of something great come over me and I would have to cry. It was weird and crazy but I would get overwhelmed with this feeling from god that was maybe a fraction of what I tapped into on this DMT trip. I was married in this church after a couple years and they did this ceremony to prepare me to be whole for my wife where I called back all my broken parts (from past sexual partners). I can’t really describe why but I think they tried to fix this gray presence on me but I wasn’t ready for some reason. I’m only relating these Christian stories because I now believe strongly that there are many paths to this love. None right or wrong and certainly none better than others but I’m afraid that maybe some individuals or entities have lost the path and have probably been corrupted by other darkness.
It’s been four days since this experience and I still have this glow and I know that I can now question any of my beliefs. I don’t need to be bound to uncertainty and pain by my ego and old shattered self.
This was my fifth and sixth times trying DMT. I was at the OR Eclipse Festival and it was maybe an hour after the actual eclipse had just ended. We hoped this would be a really charged time.
My first time trying DMT, using a bong and the sandwich method had given me the most intense experience this far and that was over three years ago. Although intense, that experience had gotten me far enough into the crazy powerful DMT world to look down this tunnel that was rapidly disassembling my reality but no further and I never left this reality. I tried again maybe an hour after this first time and failed because I burned the spice and didn’t get a real hit. I ended up in the floor curled in a ball, puked and got a clear message that DMT was not a drug to be messed with. Both of these attempts I was home alone.
Three years later I tried vaping the spice out of a volcano, but I think it was condensing too quickly in the bag or maybe if I had tried with a ton in there. I also heard about using an oil rig and dabbing the spice so one night my gf and I both tried but had some weird user errors and no breakthrough.
OK, back to the festival, first I weighed out .055 and dabbed away. Some cool patterns and what not but nothing crazy. Also kinda weird, this trip was not very colorful. Most of the patterns were black and white. This is also where I think it’s important to talk about this really sharp pain I got this trip and the last one (about a month prior, also using a dab rig) that is most painful in my neck but also spreads about half way down my back. It’s really painful and stays until the spice has completely worn off.
My gf and friend both dab a small amount to get their feet wet (none of us have much experience dabbing spice, definitely still trying to figure out what the right dosage is for the desired effect) and nothing crazy, my turn again.
This time I weigh out .115 and set up a space to lay flat so hopefully my neck doesn’t hurt. I get the whole amount in and hold it… for a second as I start to exhale I think to myself it wasn’t enough as I’m still conscious but I don’t remember the full exhale. The next 15-20 minutes was told to me later and I have almost no recollection of any of it. I moaned and curled and twitched in what I kinda remember as being in pain. My friend who has some pretty developed spiritual beliefs that I can’t begin to describe had brought his taro books and some other spiritually charged items with him and had done some prayers and spells on me as he saw I was in agony while out there. At one point he was so concerned he put a hand on my shin and cast some kinda spell and although I don’t remember his hand I do remember the pain shooting down my leg so intensely that I kicked him and raised my leg to the ceiling (we’re in a van). When I came to, I was still hurting so bad and it took maybe a minute before it came to me… I had just done DMT?!? I look at my two companions, “I don’t remember anything?”. Still curled up and tripping really hard I remember looking around and I’ve done enough DMT to know what the after hallucinations are like and this was weird in that the patterns were there but my brain was muting them or fighting it. I wonder if the entire trip this far had I been fighting the experience? I kinda begged for help “I’m still in so much pain?…”
This is when my entire life or soul changed. My friend handed me this scarf that he had brought that had been prepared with a special combination of essential oils. One for each of the four members of his family. I’m still living this part right now and it makes me want to cry in happiness just remembering. Just as fast as the spice can take over your reality as these oils filled my lungs, all of the pain went away and I was flooded with this love that I can only describe as so powerful and so filling that it could only be from the mother of all mothers. All the pain that I had been experiencing was relieved. Not only that, but every pain I had ever felt or undergone felt necessary and such a tiny cost for what I had just received. I had been reborn into an innocence that has to be just what a newborn baby has. Unlike a baby, I have such a stark cognition of what the opposite feels like that I was severely overwhelmed and confused and just really grateful.
For the next half an hour or forty five minutes I laid on the ground smothering my face with cloth going back and forth from crying in ecstasy to laughing in confusion to receiving these great revelations.
Still in the fetal position my knee was right in front of my face and it started to look magical. My eyes gained the focus of 100x microscope and I could see every hair and poor on my knee, but it didn’t look like a hallucination but just improved vision? Then each hair received the color of a rainbow. I began to realize that not only was the pain that surrounded my neck gone (keep in mind in the past the pain would stay until the DMT completely wore off) but I could tell that my neck and back was free of this gray stretched out orb or cloud. With this absence I was able to love in a new way. This friend that had kinda been my shaman I had just met at the festival a few days ago but I had this new clarity of how I had been kinda been faking my friendship and I no longer had to. The more I thought about this dark essence being gone the more worked up I got and I started panicking saying, “how was that on me!?” I had sat up and was visually upset again so someone handed me the scarf and I layed down masking myself and peace flooded over me again. The pure gratitude and childlike vulnerability and love I felt during this rebirth was so grand and such ecstasy but not like taking some drug, I’m so satisfied and complete.
Part of me wounders if I had an experience on that other world that other people talk about. Part of me thinks that I fought it the whole time and was not able to breakthrough, was not able to relax enough or let go. I’m sitting here smiling as I type though because for right now it doesn’t matter. I received what I needed and feel like I was blessed by what felt like the mother. I did have a little more clarity on this, this mother love I felt, seemed to come from just one of the mothers. Almost like there were a society of these ‘parents’ above and she was just the mother of our world.
Lastly as I laid there letting all of this flow in and just crying like the happiest baby you have ever seen I started relating some of these feeling to a time period from years ago when I was involved with this very prophetic church. This church was Christian but the people and what they stood for was different from many Christians. They believed in serving gods children and especially those that were struggling. They loved to sing and worship god and where all about putting hands on people and healing them. My attraction to this church was greatest when they would all sing and dance worshiping god. When they would sing and play music for god I would have the overwhelming presense of something great come over me and I would have to cry. It was weird and crazy but I would get overwhelmed with this feeling from god that was maybe a fraction of what I tapped into on this DMT trip. I was married in this church after a couple years and they did this ceremony to prepare me to be whole for my wife where I called back all my broken parts (from past sexual partners). I can’t really describe why but I think they tried to fix this gray presence on me but I wasn’t ready for some reason. I’m only relating these Christian stories because I now believe strongly that there are many paths to this love. None right or wrong and certainly none better than others but I’m afraid that maybe some individuals or entities have lost the path and have probably been corrupted by other darkness.
It’s been four days since this experience and I still have this glow and I know that I can now question any of my beliefs. I don’t need to be bound to uncertainty and pain by my ego and old shattered self.