No Knowing
fool adept
This seems like a tight-knit and dedicated community so I have decided to join. My original ingestion of DMT was not under the best circumstances, yet, it had a profound and positive effect on my life that I am still trying to integrate presently. I was well versed in psychedelics before DMT having taking mushrooms and acid before I ever procured DMT. I had heard about its reality shattering properties yet all the personal or written accounts I experienced instilled me with fear about a trip of such magnitude. Fast forward to when I finally procure the DMT.
I had just tried LSD for the first time a few months before the experience during a month of 4 LSD trips. The LSD revelations changed my mindset and gave me a goal to experience in my spiritual practice. I knew I must experience the floaty, free, and thoughtless awareness that LSD brought to me without ingesting a drug. This led me to a crossroads of choice in my current situation. At the time I was heavily embedded in the college party scene using pot, tobacco, alcohol, benzos, speed, and occasional opiate painkillers. During my LSD trip I saw the futility of this life and how it lead to little if any personal growth. When the one month binge ran out I knew had to transform my life, but I didn't. The willpower it would have taken to do a 180 while still finishing college frightened me. So in my disillusionment I created more illusion in myself by pushing my occasional painkiller use into an everyday ordeal.
I lived the junkie life for a few months, waking up, feeling like shit, and with only one thing on my mind, procuring more opiates. As this life quickly lost its luster I began to pine for the month of LSD use that had changed my thought so much. Yet, I wondered how such a wonderful experience had exacerbated my opiate chipping into an addiction. One day the same guy who gave me LSD calls and says he has Deemsters. I am excited for any psychedelic to take me momentarily out of my heroin addiction so I buy a dose and sit on it believing I will use it when the time is right. That same day my roommates also bought DMT and proceeded to smoke it. They got tripped out for a little and said it was crazy but It didn't look like they experienced the cosmic consciousness breakthrough I had heard about. When they offered me a hit being doped up and not caring I jumped on it and torched the bong, holding the hit in for an extremely long time because of the painkillers in my system.
When I let the smoke out I quickly placed the bong on the floor as my self-consciousness dissolved along with the feeling of my body. I don't remember going up but I do remember being in an objectively beautiful space filled with light, entities, and an underlying pulsing energy. My experience of my self resembled an Alex Grey painting with light coming out of my eyes, hands, and mouth. I witnessed all the glory around me without time it infinitely just "was". I discarded my human life as a silly dream and laughed a cosmic laugh in my new domain. I laughed at how I could ever believe I was a lowly human when I was the cosmos itself. If I was dead I didn't care. I thought I would never come down, but I did. I was surprised to be back in my body and bedroom, which still pulsed with neon visuals as my mind recovered from being blown. My roommate came in and asked, "Are you having visuals?" He looked like a cosmic trickster traveler version of himself that was covered in souvenirs from its myriad existences and incarnations. He had what looked like miniature cities of light moving and communicating on his clothing. I could do little but laugh and say O My GOD for a good half hour.
The sheer profundity of the trip kept me off heroin for 2 and half weeks without much withdrawal except anxiety. During those two weeks off dope I was obsessed with what happened to me during the DMT trip and how it had eliminated withdrawal. After returning home from the 2 week vacation that started the day after the trip I used heroin again and got into a destructive relationship with a girl who sold the poison. This lasted 3 months but the whole time I was in addiction I thought about the DMT trip and its implications constantly. I knew to escape the dope prison I'd have to go for a spiritual approach. When coming down from the DMT trip I remembered Leary's 8 circuits of consciousness and thought how well they fit my new worldview. I ordered many books on this system.
3 Months after the trip I got off heroin with the help of pot, exercise, and LSD. For the last 3 months or so since getting clean I have been in a state of constant self improvement. I am hoping to regain some of the psychedelic insights gained before I washed them away with opiates. And hopefully once my life is back in order I can once again enter hyperspace to reveal my(and our) true nature.
I had just tried LSD for the first time a few months before the experience during a month of 4 LSD trips. The LSD revelations changed my mindset and gave me a goal to experience in my spiritual practice. I knew I must experience the floaty, free, and thoughtless awareness that LSD brought to me without ingesting a drug. This led me to a crossroads of choice in my current situation. At the time I was heavily embedded in the college party scene using pot, tobacco, alcohol, benzos, speed, and occasional opiate painkillers. During my LSD trip I saw the futility of this life and how it lead to little if any personal growth. When the one month binge ran out I knew had to transform my life, but I didn't. The willpower it would have taken to do a 180 while still finishing college frightened me. So in my disillusionment I created more illusion in myself by pushing my occasional painkiller use into an everyday ordeal.
I lived the junkie life for a few months, waking up, feeling like shit, and with only one thing on my mind, procuring more opiates. As this life quickly lost its luster I began to pine for the month of LSD use that had changed my thought so much. Yet, I wondered how such a wonderful experience had exacerbated my opiate chipping into an addiction. One day the same guy who gave me LSD calls and says he has Deemsters. I am excited for any psychedelic to take me momentarily out of my heroin addiction so I buy a dose and sit on it believing I will use it when the time is right. That same day my roommates also bought DMT and proceeded to smoke it. They got tripped out for a little and said it was crazy but It didn't look like they experienced the cosmic consciousness breakthrough I had heard about. When they offered me a hit being doped up and not caring I jumped on it and torched the bong, holding the hit in for an extremely long time because of the painkillers in my system.
When I let the smoke out I quickly placed the bong on the floor as my self-consciousness dissolved along with the feeling of my body. I don't remember going up but I do remember being in an objectively beautiful space filled with light, entities, and an underlying pulsing energy. My experience of my self resembled an Alex Grey painting with light coming out of my eyes, hands, and mouth. I witnessed all the glory around me without time it infinitely just "was". I discarded my human life as a silly dream and laughed a cosmic laugh in my new domain. I laughed at how I could ever believe I was a lowly human when I was the cosmos itself. If I was dead I didn't care. I thought I would never come down, but I did. I was surprised to be back in my body and bedroom, which still pulsed with neon visuals as my mind recovered from being blown. My roommate came in and asked, "Are you having visuals?" He looked like a cosmic trickster traveler version of himself that was covered in souvenirs from its myriad existences and incarnations. He had what looked like miniature cities of light moving and communicating on his clothing. I could do little but laugh and say O My GOD for a good half hour.
The sheer profundity of the trip kept me off heroin for 2 and half weeks without much withdrawal except anxiety. During those two weeks off dope I was obsessed with what happened to me during the DMT trip and how it had eliminated withdrawal. After returning home from the 2 week vacation that started the day after the trip I used heroin again and got into a destructive relationship with a girl who sold the poison. This lasted 3 months but the whole time I was in addiction I thought about the DMT trip and its implications constantly. I knew to escape the dope prison I'd have to go for a spiritual approach. When coming down from the DMT trip I remembered Leary's 8 circuits of consciousness and thought how well they fit my new worldview. I ordered many books on this system.
3 Months after the trip I got off heroin with the help of pot, exercise, and LSD. For the last 3 months or so since getting clean I have been in a state of constant self improvement. I am hoping to regain some of the psychedelic insights gained before I washed them away with opiates. And hopefully once my life is back in order I can once again enter hyperspace to reveal my(and our) true nature.
