Ref hi again all sorry not been on for awhile just been having a bit of a bad time

[demiourgos]

Just to clarify just needing a place to let everything out I suppose why I wrote this, don't want to worry anyone. Things have been bad but I will survive just been trying (having)to do things without any help from any one ( they all seem to want something from me just to get even abit of recognition let alone any help from them ) not done any spice if that is a way to put it very difficult to put into words just believe this is something I should deal with on my own even though spice has always welcomed me and helped in all ways . Please don't get me wrong this is why I have not turned to spice cause this is my own problem to deal with. What I am and have been going throw, this just seems to make sense to me at the moment and needed away to let things out without causing any problems for any one that I know and having to pay them in some way. Maybe be I am not see what they are offering at the moment but like I said before they expect a lot in return for even me asking for the simple things of just listening. I don't even expect a reply from this I really just need a out let before things start getting bad.



What I can give you has left me
All that is me has left
All but a little hope is left
What is left is but
A small shell of me
All I can give is hope
Till I have gone through what is left
Leave me alone or I will take what is left of you
I should Just say good bye to it all
I am just a somber hero
In a world that has lost it's heroes
Trust me trust me
For what reason
That all is left is me
Help me
Help me
Help you
Till death has risen from me
All hope has gone in me
I only see hope in me to you
Trust me trust me
Till I see my own death
And finally return to my own home
Were I will finally feel
At home
At were I see my ever lasting peace
That I have never known here
With death and
The beginning of a new way
Maybe a metamorphosis of my own peace
To give you my only bit of peace
I thank you
I thank you for letting me go home

 

[Spaced Out 2]

Well this is a good place to let it all out if you need to. As you see its far more detrimental to keep it in. It's understandably difficult when you give out so much of yourself to help others. Whether it be for them needing love, a shoulder, a helping hand, direction etc. and seemingly not receiving anything back it sometimes feels like is it all worth it. I can tell you that it is, even though some may not be offering what you need, want, or anything at all for that matter, knowing that you were in a position to help someone who needed it is rewarding in itself and more people should do this, but......
If you don't once in awhile take a break or the time to "defragment", decompress, take some "me time" for self reflection and personal healing, then it will take a toll. Unless these are things that you are absolutely obligated to do, then know that's it is OK to just say NO sometimes. Realize too that nowadays many people don't know how to show appreciation, I find this to be the case more times than not.
I do hope that things get better and that you manage to fix whatever problems your dealing with at the moment, I'm sure it's only temporary and as a community here at the nexus we are here to help in whatever ways we all can, so you just go ahead and spill the beans whenever you feel the need to.