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Reflections... integration help needed...

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Simplistic Randamonium

Simplistic Randamonium

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Ok.....
So i sit and type reflecting on the human condition with all its bells, wistles, and traumatic tricks lurking in the darker recesses of my most inner eye.
I mean what can actualy be said about salvia?
fungus?
saint peter with his wisdom?
what does all this muck mean?




about 2 years ago with some 15x sally i was blown!
scard shitless doesnt even come close.
inhale, hold........
lay down....
smile as i notice the water effect on wood grain then.....
BLAST!!!!!!!!
I AM NOTHING.
i see nothing
only whitness and the sensation of suffocation....
next the realization of being enclosed or incapsulatedin a transparent membrain sort of blimp like in nature and shape.

i was surrounded by billions of them each one containing the essence of some other being.
upon looking down (not sure how since i had no corporeal body)
i saw a void, a black whole.... yes whole of nothingness
being the yang to the yin that held me i was sure that upon reaching that abyssle plane i would sure'ly be compeatly and utterly destroyed...
looking up i saw an elderly female essence.
she smiled and reassured me that this process of decending into this cosmic recycler was inevitible, normal, and in fact beautiful....
my mind recoiled in horror.
i was not done here and wanted back to.....
wait....
where did i come from?
what just happend?
im sitting on my bed confussed as to why a cd case just melted through my hand.
when did i pick this up?
is this real or was that real?
is this the other side of the nothing?
nope....
Just SALVIA at T+10min.

i wish to integrate and move on with the 20x i now have but feel fear when i look at it so hessitate to take more than a "Toe in the water" dose....
please help...
 
salvia can be so terrifying. Its actually harder for me to let go into a salvia trip than it is a dmt trip since, although they both hit fast, dmt hits like a warm powerful wave.. while salvia hits like a wave of hardening cement that you need to let take you. Its like the edges of your body and mind start to stretch into this whole other unexpected THING which is you as you are it and all the mind wants to do, like you said, is recoil in horror at the infinite WTFWTFWTF of the whole situation. Once you let go into it though it can be sooo amazing, and when the dose is high enough, i feel like i don't have much of a choice in letting go anyway.

Why though do you feel like you need to move up to 20x from 15x? If you haven't tried it in 2 years and still have bad pre-flight fear, then why not start off a little smaller and work your way up? This seems to work for some with saliva, and even morose with dmt. Personally though i dislike the feeling of low dose of sally for some reason and prefer to just plug my nose, grab my trembling balls and cannonball in hoping she'll treat me well :]

also, check out this link to the WIKI on integration
 
sorry, forgot to mention that i had worked with sally again a few days latter at a lower dose and received no vison or "break through" as it were but the same feelings of impending doom and destruction retuned... ie. the feeling of this plane being made of a tacky paper mache... like if i opened the door to the room i was in there would be nothing there...
im sorry its just words cant really describe or define....
ive had one "good" session with the shepardess and that was at about 2:30 AM, Sequoia national park with the BIG TREES, clear sky and no number can be put to the amount of starz...
in my best friends truck, keys safly in the bed with our sitter listening to tools lateralus...
was cool until montra.... ya know the talking whales???
any way...
it was a very special experience that i will always charish...
i was told by a trusted friend that set and setting does not apply so much with sage,
not that it plays no role but only a very minor one....
how ever my only good time with this teacher leads me to beleave otherwise
ant thoughts on this?


these facts and finding some 20x for 20$, i dont know it was very impulsive and was wanting to boost my next session with the devine saint peter...
is this a good idea?
i figured that the euphoria via phenethylamine might temper the terror...
launching from altitude vs. launch pad...


any thoughts or advice would be welcome.


in closing, i have not yet had the chance to work with the spirit molecule but am intending to aquire some MHRB and attempt Q21Q21's
seemed easy enough but advice on this topic is extreamly welcome because in truth
i am only courting sally for the lack of spice...
i have been feeling/hearing the calls from hyperspace beckoning...
just yerning to join you thats all
much peace and love to all in the arms of the all...
"if you have been there you will know..." - Charles Wall
 
I like your description of hardening cement, it does feel like the universe has become very...stiff or something, so odd.. Yeah that is the only thing that i dont like about salvia, is the unpleasant body feelings, i.e stretching, bending, breaking, cranking, i swear one time i smoked it and the world broke down into what felt like multidimensional wooden gears, and cranked my body in all directions. not too pleasant. I have had a couple good experiences however.

Try doing it in total darkness, meditate beforehand for a while, and like universe cannon said, just load it up decently. Not too much, but enough to close your eyes and forget you smoked it.

good luck my freind.
 
Yeah, salvia isn't necessarily the most pleasant substance to take. I think your experience (which bears striking similarities to many of mine) sort of covers most of the negative things with salvia. Start with the "beyond strange" body feelings and tactile sensations. That feeling of impending doom: wow, perfectly put. I get this in the 10 seconds after exhale right before I lose complete sense of what's going on. That leads right to my next point which is the confusion it presents. I have never been more confused in my entire life than when I've taken salvia. I don't think there was much clarity in any experience I've had with it except the lowest of sub-breakthrough experiences. I often cannot remember what I took to feel like I do. Even if I can somehow come up with the name "salvia", I can't seem to figure out what it's supposed to do...even though it's doing it right now! I'm lucky if I remember I exist at all, and even then I've found that it can be more comforting to just lose a sense of existence entirely than to transfer your consciousness into something like, oh say the couch. One of the most depressing moments of my life was when I smoked some Sally D and thought I was the couch. I still had enough thought-process in tact to think, "well this kinda sucks. I'm just a couch. Just something for people to sit on. Got no friends, no one to talk to for eternity...just gonna sit here and be the couch." I suppose the good to come out of the experience was that it built my appreciation for being a truly alive human being with friends to talk to and people to care about me. I didn't realize it till I was typing this up, but I suppose that was how I integrated my most fearful salvia experience back into my life. Often times with DMT the lesson seems to come afterward as well. I think that's the importance in simply trying to observe and not judge within the experience so you can take back as much as you can with you to then reflect on in a more sober state of mind.
 
:?
damn it...
extreeeeem physical discomfort no fear really just apprehension
colorful blobs w/ eyes closed, some confusion but no vision?????
maybe my 20 x is bunk but am afraid to go all out and load a phat phatty as it were...
i like who i am and want to return to this container in tact
terrafied is fine, i just want to be sane...
ya know?
why dose sally always make me feel like im not going to return?

am i just being a pussy face er what????
just wanting to be SAFE...



input welcome.


the term "pussy face" does NOT imply weakness to the female half

just a general term of ya know being a puss
 
this is a good point but like i said there was that one very charished time with the trees....
i dont know i just feel as though there is somthing to it im missing....

also i dont understand.. is salvia not safe...
i have never heard of anyone voyaging and not returning.
i would not care about such risk except i now have a family that i love very much.
they are supportive of my delving into the inner relms so no issue there.
i guess i just have always feard that maybe i am crazy or that life is just a dream..
and maybe it is.....
im sorry words just fail to impart how i feel

i am working with plant teachers for personal revolation and growth.
is salvia not good for this?

also thank you so much for taking the time to even bother...
it means alot.

"peace, love, respect....

what are we waiting for?" - Charles Wall
 
I didn't mean to imply that salvia is not safe (although I have seen some "Sally D" zombies that get up and move around and can potentially harm themselves; I know I've been one but never hurt myself). Salvia is quite safe. I just meant that if you're looking for a sense of security and a sense of safety then salvia may not be the substance to pursue. I think salvia has its own internal safeguards built in to ensure that it's not likely to be abused, but I think along with that can come a sense of reluctance to voyage into other experiences such as with DMT. I know the reason why a lot of people often don't wanna try DMT is cause they've had some bad experience with salvia and think DMT will bring back those same emotions and feelings, which I feel it doesn't.
 
thank u so much...
you have no idea how much i need to hear/read that.....
thank you for your help and sence of caring
dont mean to be mushy im just very empathic by nature
cheers
 
I personally have never had any kind of comfortable or good trip with sally. That being said I have never set it down completely. Even the most harrowing terrible experiences are still important. I found that the high the extract, the more terrible the trips got. They were still profound and special, but I felt that after the trip I would have more and more trouble integrating.

Recently, with a shipment of B. Caapi leaves, the supplier included a mixture of 5x b caapi infused with salvia A crystals (or so I was told). This mixture I was nervous to smoke because of my previous experiences with salvia. I took a long deep breath, and said out loud to my wife "well, here comes the ass kicking." When I came back down she was holding me as I was crying uncontrollably. Immediately I told her the name of a friend who I watched die when I was young. We were riding bikes and he rolled into an intersection. For years I had tried to remember his name, but it always just slipped away from me, and not having contact with people from my past I couldn't go asking around. I told her all these memories with specific dates, times, and names.

After remembering this, I am finding that more and more, every trip is helping me cope and digest life events that I had repressed years ago.

Maybe try finding some kind of infused blend of sally and something else? It worked for me.
 
I always find it kinda funny when the suppliers include little gems you didn't really request to begin with. Those free samples help me to expand my knowledge of entheogens usually.
 
Maybe it’s just different brain chemistry, but I’ve never had a terrifying experience with salvia. One reason might be that during a salvia experience I usually have no memories of my prior existence, so it’s easier to accept whatever is happening. There were a few times when I still had some memory of my life and I was fairly certain that I wouldn’t be going back. But even those experiences weren’t terrifying. Salvia seems to flatten my emotions (during the experience).

Another reason might be that I grow my own salvia and make my own extract. As the plants are growing, I care for them, I nurture them. When I harvest them, I take cuttings to ensure their continuation. I feel a tangible bond between us. When I take a dose, it is usually in the same room where the plant lived. I’ve thought “the salvinorin I am consuming was produced in the same room where I am consuming it.” I think the “love” I have for my plants is reflected back in the experiences I have.
 
gibran2 i have shared this same expierience when growing my own medical mj.
the medicine is Seacial when so much time care and effort are put into helping them reach there full potential...
during my last harvest i spent at least 4 hrs a day just spending time with them.
singing to them and playing music, my own and others. reading to them....
just basicaly building a very special relationship with my medicine....
you could not even try looking at them because when you tried they looked at you first FOR REAL!

very intimidating like they were all
"dont touch me.... not yet you might get hurt."
and you all "WTF? did that scary ass purple plant just get hard ass with me?"

HA!

I LOVE PLANTS!

will deffinatly try growing my own for quiding when i get the chance.

but what to do with my mass marketed extract?

i have considerd that because "DRUG" like view surrounding this stuff in cali head shops may be adalterating my expierences.

is this what you are implying?

or perhaps u imply nothing and i assume to much wich i do do from time to time.

now im off to see the wizard with my cactus friend...

is 20 grams of average as in not particularly potent but most deffinatly active resin over doin it? is that even possible?

i was thinking 5 grams an hr, 4 hrs and if i feel "to much" or the "FEAR" and "LOATHING"

i could stop at 3 hrs maybe 3~1/2 hrs
 
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