Eternity
Rising Star
Hey everyone,
Here is my friend's report as promised detailing what happened during his experiences during the S.H.E. and his very problematic outcome. More interesting and inspiring however, it details the startling success of his friend, who also participated, on her second and third psychedelic trips (or drug dosing for that matter) ever. I quote his letter:
"
I woke up in the morning with a strange feeling that I should smoke the spice today. I logged onto the Nexus first thing, and as it turned out, it was the day of the Synchronized Hyperspace Event of March 13th. I took arrangements to be prepared with my sitter at 8:00pm local time.
Nothing noteworthy to mention here. Everything in life was running along smoothly. I was excited to be participating in my first ever S.H.E. and I didn't know what to expect. My sitter, as usual, had the same set as me. I will mention that 15 minutes before the "launch" I was feeling what I would describe as moderate to heavy anxiety.
The event would take place at my apartment. We arrived little late (7:20pm) and had to clean the place at a quick pace to prepare for the event. Once clean, I lit a few dozen candles, some incense, and put on some relaxing music. I logged into the chat room here on the nexus and checked in with those already there.
I will summarize both my experiences spaced out over one hour at the same time.
Dose: Unknown
Method of administration: Vapor from "The Machine"
Time of administration: 8:15pm and 9:30pm
Upon finishing my deep breathing I loaded the Machine with what I perceived as a moderate dose (approximately equivalent to a pile on a dime), lit the candle to be used as a lighter, and put the pipe to my mouth. My sitter held up the candle, and I began to inhale. I tried inhaling until everything was gone, but apparently only took a bit under 2 full hits. Mild effects were experienced with closed eyes, none whatsoever with open eyes. CEVs included shapes and dim colors, as well as some sort of tunnel appearing again. as I was seeing this thing appear I kept repeating to myself "take me, take me, do whatever you want with me but I must see". I had a feeling that I was to tense, and on the come down managed to loosen up all my muscles in my body. Physical effects experienced were the usual occasional shakes, head moving from side to side periodically, and opening and closing of one or both hands. After 7 minutes, I was back, and a little disappointed.
The second attempt had me loading a much greater amount of spice into the machine. I instructed my sitter to talk me through the smoking to know when I have a good hit coming, and to talk me through finishing the whole dose. As I was inhaling I began having moderate to high OEVs where the room began to shift and change into something else. There seems to be trails following my hand, the pipe, and my sitter's hand. After the was nothing left to smoke, I lay back and closed my eyes. I began seeing some kind of massive grid floating in what seemed like space. It was composed of grey and purple colors with something at the center and was rotating. I only got glimpses of this object. Next, I was in some sort of cavernous room with green, then red and orange flaming pillars. This reminded me for some reason of what hell must look like (if you happen to be Christian). I sensed some kind of giant flaming head drop down from above and stare me down with the attitude of "though shalt not pass". I came down after 10 minutes.
In between my attempts, my sitter tried administrating the DMT to herself for the second and third times ever, her first being 1 hit with threshold effects on one of my previous attempts this month. Needless to say, on both of her tries (one in between mine, and one after) she experienced no less that what can be considered by this community as a full breakthrough. Her reality was completely replaced, she saw entities that communicated with her and took her into some place that she cannot describe. She said that she had no more sense of self and did not know if it was me was experiencing this or her. She met some "massive" cosmic beings that told her they are always waiting, that they love her, and that I will eventually make it there as well. They said you must go in with love. Throughout the whole experience she was laughing with tears coming down her eyes. When she came down after 10 minutes, she said it was those most beautiful, indescribable thing she had ever seen. It also seems to have cured a fear of the dark that she has always had, and promoted a healthy load of self reflection. The next day together we went horseback riding in the mountains, and she began crying for no reason. She said its because she was thinking of how beautiful her experience was.
After my first attempt at the S.H.E. I was slightly disappointed. After her first attempt, I was a slightly jealous. After my second attempt I was very disappointed. After her second attempt, I was VERY jealous. in fact, I don't know why but I started having feelings of anger swelling up that I could not attain what I sought so much, and although I was happy for her, I was so jealous that she had been turned on to this with very minimal knowledge of the substance (just the basics for safety) and she had a religious experience. I immediately said I cannot and will not continue to smoke with this mindset, and we decided to go for a walk.
She explained what she saw, and told me that I have too many expectations. I have to relax stop working towards this "goal", and instead to nothing and it will come. I find I cannot do this. I have been going in circles in my mind on how to achieve this, including how to stop trying to achieve it. In doing so, I have generated a problem that, as she says, doesn't exist but is being used by my ego as an excuse to not let me experience what I seek. I am in fact holding myself back. This has now led to various introspective analyses of myself and trying to determine how to get out of this hole that, no matter how much I try to get out of, I seem to simply be diging in deeper. I would very much appreciate if some of you could relate your previous experiences to help me out of this terrible situation and go back into enjoying this. I should also mention that I am on my 6th attempt at a breakthrough.
Here is my friend's report as promised detailing what happened during his experiences during the S.H.E. and his very problematic outcome. More interesting and inspiring however, it details the startling success of his friend, who also participated, on her second and third psychedelic trips (or drug dosing for that matter) ever. I quote his letter:
"
I woke up in the morning with a strange feeling that I should smoke the spice today. I logged onto the Nexus first thing, and as it turned out, it was the day of the Synchronized Hyperspace Event of March 13th. I took arrangements to be prepared with my sitter at 8:00pm local time.
Set
Nothing noteworthy to mention here. Everything in life was running along smoothly. I was excited to be participating in my first ever S.H.E. and I didn't know what to expect. My sitter, as usual, had the same set as me. I will mention that 15 minutes before the "launch" I was feeling what I would describe as moderate to heavy anxiety.
Setting
The event would take place at my apartment. We arrived little late (7:20pm) and had to clean the place at a quick pace to prepare for the event. Once clean, I lit a few dozen candles, some incense, and put on some relaxing music. I logged into the chat room here on the nexus and checked in with those already there.
The experience
I will summarize both my experiences spaced out over one hour at the same time.
Dose: Unknown
Method of administration: Vapor from "The Machine"
Time of administration: 8:15pm and 9:30pm
Upon finishing my deep breathing I loaded the Machine with what I perceived as a moderate dose (approximately equivalent to a pile on a dime), lit the candle to be used as a lighter, and put the pipe to my mouth. My sitter held up the candle, and I began to inhale. I tried inhaling until everything was gone, but apparently only took a bit under 2 full hits. Mild effects were experienced with closed eyes, none whatsoever with open eyes. CEVs included shapes and dim colors, as well as some sort of tunnel appearing again. as I was seeing this thing appear I kept repeating to myself "take me, take me, do whatever you want with me but I must see". I had a feeling that I was to tense, and on the come down managed to loosen up all my muscles in my body. Physical effects experienced were the usual occasional shakes, head moving from side to side periodically, and opening and closing of one or both hands. After 7 minutes, I was back, and a little disappointed.
The second attempt had me loading a much greater amount of spice into the machine. I instructed my sitter to talk me through the smoking to know when I have a good hit coming, and to talk me through finishing the whole dose. As I was inhaling I began having moderate to high OEVs where the room began to shift and change into something else. There seems to be trails following my hand, the pipe, and my sitter's hand. After the was nothing left to smoke, I lay back and closed my eyes. I began seeing some kind of massive grid floating in what seemed like space. It was composed of grey and purple colors with something at the center and was rotating. I only got glimpses of this object. Next, I was in some sort of cavernous room with green, then red and orange flaming pillars. This reminded me for some reason of what hell must look like (if you happen to be Christian). I sensed some kind of giant flaming head drop down from above and stare me down with the attitude of "though shalt not pass". I came down after 10 minutes.
In between my attempts, my sitter tried administrating the DMT to herself for the second and third times ever, her first being 1 hit with threshold effects on one of my previous attempts this month. Needless to say, on both of her tries (one in between mine, and one after) she experienced no less that what can be considered by this community as a full breakthrough. Her reality was completely replaced, she saw entities that communicated with her and took her into some place that she cannot describe. She said that she had no more sense of self and did not know if it was me was experiencing this or her. She met some "massive" cosmic beings that told her they are always waiting, that they love her, and that I will eventually make it there as well. They said you must go in with love. Throughout the whole experience she was laughing with tears coming down her eyes. When she came down after 10 minutes, she said it was those most beautiful, indescribable thing she had ever seen. It also seems to have cured a fear of the dark that she has always had, and promoted a healthy load of self reflection. The next day together we went horseback riding in the mountains, and she began crying for no reason. She said its because she was thinking of how beautiful her experience was.
The problem
After my first attempt at the S.H.E. I was slightly disappointed. After her first attempt, I was a slightly jealous. After my second attempt I was very disappointed. After her second attempt, I was VERY jealous. in fact, I don't know why but I started having feelings of anger swelling up that I could not attain what I sought so much, and although I was happy for her, I was so jealous that she had been turned on to this with very minimal knowledge of the substance (just the basics for safety) and she had a religious experience. I immediately said I cannot and will not continue to smoke with this mindset, and we decided to go for a walk.
She explained what she saw, and told me that I have too many expectations. I have to relax stop working towards this "goal", and instead to nothing and it will come. I find I cannot do this. I have been going in circles in my mind on how to achieve this, including how to stop trying to achieve it. In doing so, I have generated a problem that, as she says, doesn't exist but is being used by my ego as an excuse to not let me experience what I seek. I am in fact holding myself back. This has now led to various introspective analyses of myself and trying to determine how to get out of this hole that, no matter how much I try to get out of, I seem to simply be diging in deeper. I would very much appreciate if some of you could relate your previous experiences to help me out of this terrible situation and go back into enjoying this. I should also mention that I am on my 6th attempt at a breakthrough.
