Wrong forum for this, I know, but i can't post anything in the salvia divinorum spot. I have a bit of 5x extract, enough for a few trips yet, though I'm really uncertain about the dosage. Basically every time I've smoked it (twice in the last few days, once around six months ago, and a couple times years ago), I get the same sort of thing... The last 3 times, I loaded about a standard bowl-full, maybe slightly less, and took it all in one hit, holding for quite a while, maybe 30 seconds. I lie down, but it doesn't seem to matter if I'm sitting either, and once I stood up suddenly after lying down, just to try to determine exactly what's happening/shake myself out of it.
Almost immediately after i exhale, things start getting very weird... Reality, meaning the physical world around me, begins to fold up/turn around, revealing another world, or another part of this world. It's very mechanical-seeming, composed of straight planes. You know the old bookcase secret-passage which is a haunted house cliche? The bookcase spins around mechanically, revealing another space behind it. Well, my trips are much like that, only the entirety of what I see starts to slowly spin around like this, in sections... it can happen vertically or horizontally, but there's generally a rotation effect. This is all very much against my will. My body feels very heavy, and it seems that I'm being compelled to lie or position myself within one certain plane... feels that if I move into the "wrong" position while all this rotating and revealing is going on, I'll be either sliced apart or crushed by the moving planes of "reality".
If someone is sitting with me, I generally imagine that they're in on this whole thing; that they know what I'm experiencing, and they, along with others, are trying to cause this total shift to occur. I forget entirely that I've taken salvia. The concept of having taken anything does not occur to me, i'm only aware of this highly uncomfortable and universal mechanical shifting procedure. Through the cracks in the world that appear and start to widen, I can see people that I know, and they're all kind of taunting me to some extent, trying to show me that they can manipulate my world utterly, even calling my name knowingly and mockingly. My reaction is automatic; I try to move and somehow pull myself out of this changing world turning inside-out. I fight it, usually with an attitude of "alright, I see how it is, you're all making fun of me because you know how to surround me invisibly and turn the universe backwards... well I'm going to fight it and return to the reality that I know". The last time I smoked, though, I just denied the reality of the experience at all... it took a bit of doing, but I thought/said "No! This is not what's happening. This is not the way it is."... though probably less coherently, as i find it difficult to use words while on this drug. If there's a sitter present, I start to blame this person as I'm coming down, and I really distrust him for a moment. It genuinely feels like I've gone completely insane for a small moment. And the experience only seems to last for one minute, maybe two. DMT trips feel 5-10 times longer in comparison. Possibly this is because I'm struggling so hard to escape it?
I feel that, if i could remember or realize that i'd just smoked salvia, i'd be much abler to continue with the trip. But I don't remember. I just notice that my reality is being opened up and traded for another one, and it's incredibly uncomfortable.
There's very much a carnival-ride aesthetic to it, like a ride I'm strapped into and don't know exactly how to stop, though I manage to, or it stops on its own perhaps. I also feel like a child, a very stupid or maybe autistic or somehow severely mentally impaired person. The people in the other world which is trying to show itself, even though they're people that I know in this life, they seem to know just what's up, and they're trying to show me -- having fun with me, but also trying to educate me. Very paranoid feeling. I resent the fact that everyone else seems to know just how plastic and easily flipped my world is. it's like being stuck in a cage your entire life, but a cage made so well that you never realize you're stuck in a cage.. then being shown the cage and a glimpse of what lies beyond its walls; but what's beyond the walls seems like nothing great or even better than the cage-world... just different. Like being offered knowledge that will destroy all you know, but leave you regretting your new-found knowledge in the end. The experience is full of fear, but i do seem to have the power to fight back and stop it.
It seems strange to me that this same type of thing happens each time. Is this sub-break-through or what? Not that i assume "breakthrough" can even be defined or verified.... Am I taking too large a dose, or not large enough? I've never tried smoking in a quiet, pitch-black setting. Maybe it would help if i couldn't see the transformation occur?..
On another note entirely, the one time i tried chewing a quid (around 20 leaves) I had a mild, pleasant, and deep experience, lasting from a half-hour to an hour. In that time, I was meditating in my room while playing Organum on the stereo. This is some very dark, ambient industrial type stuff. Usually the sounds tend to blend together into a somewhat uneasy melange, but then i don't normally meditate to that or to music in general. This time, though, I got the distinct impression that the cd had been recorded in a giant, cavernous warehouse, with the different droning/banging/scraping/skittering sounds being played by anonymous people in the shadowed corners and sides of the space. Alternately, I could imagine each sound as a creature of some sort, going about its weird and alien business, but not threatening at all. Aside from the giant warehouse image, There was just a feeling of a very huge space associated with the music, a huge empty space in my head, where these sounds had ample room to exist without disturbing anything. Now that I think about it, I remember i picked that album because i thought it might sync well with the salvia, and it did seem to.
This is a lengthy post, i know, sorry. Hoping someone has some insight into my smoking problem. Thanks.
Almost immediately after i exhale, things start getting very weird... Reality, meaning the physical world around me, begins to fold up/turn around, revealing another world, or another part of this world. It's very mechanical-seeming, composed of straight planes. You know the old bookcase secret-passage which is a haunted house cliche? The bookcase spins around mechanically, revealing another space behind it. Well, my trips are much like that, only the entirety of what I see starts to slowly spin around like this, in sections... it can happen vertically or horizontally, but there's generally a rotation effect. This is all very much against my will. My body feels very heavy, and it seems that I'm being compelled to lie or position myself within one certain plane... feels that if I move into the "wrong" position while all this rotating and revealing is going on, I'll be either sliced apart or crushed by the moving planes of "reality".
If someone is sitting with me, I generally imagine that they're in on this whole thing; that they know what I'm experiencing, and they, along with others, are trying to cause this total shift to occur. I forget entirely that I've taken salvia. The concept of having taken anything does not occur to me, i'm only aware of this highly uncomfortable and universal mechanical shifting procedure. Through the cracks in the world that appear and start to widen, I can see people that I know, and they're all kind of taunting me to some extent, trying to show me that they can manipulate my world utterly, even calling my name knowingly and mockingly. My reaction is automatic; I try to move and somehow pull myself out of this changing world turning inside-out. I fight it, usually with an attitude of "alright, I see how it is, you're all making fun of me because you know how to surround me invisibly and turn the universe backwards... well I'm going to fight it and return to the reality that I know". The last time I smoked, though, I just denied the reality of the experience at all... it took a bit of doing, but I thought/said "No! This is not what's happening. This is not the way it is."... though probably less coherently, as i find it difficult to use words while on this drug. If there's a sitter present, I start to blame this person as I'm coming down, and I really distrust him for a moment. It genuinely feels like I've gone completely insane for a small moment. And the experience only seems to last for one minute, maybe two. DMT trips feel 5-10 times longer in comparison. Possibly this is because I'm struggling so hard to escape it?
I feel that, if i could remember or realize that i'd just smoked salvia, i'd be much abler to continue with the trip. But I don't remember. I just notice that my reality is being opened up and traded for another one, and it's incredibly uncomfortable.
There's very much a carnival-ride aesthetic to it, like a ride I'm strapped into and don't know exactly how to stop, though I manage to, or it stops on its own perhaps. I also feel like a child, a very stupid or maybe autistic or somehow severely mentally impaired person. The people in the other world which is trying to show itself, even though they're people that I know in this life, they seem to know just what's up, and they're trying to show me -- having fun with me, but also trying to educate me. Very paranoid feeling. I resent the fact that everyone else seems to know just how plastic and easily flipped my world is. it's like being stuck in a cage your entire life, but a cage made so well that you never realize you're stuck in a cage.. then being shown the cage and a glimpse of what lies beyond its walls; but what's beyond the walls seems like nothing great or even better than the cage-world... just different. Like being offered knowledge that will destroy all you know, but leave you regretting your new-found knowledge in the end. The experience is full of fear, but i do seem to have the power to fight back and stop it.
It seems strange to me that this same type of thing happens each time. Is this sub-break-through or what? Not that i assume "breakthrough" can even be defined or verified.... Am I taking too large a dose, or not large enough? I've never tried smoking in a quiet, pitch-black setting. Maybe it would help if i couldn't see the transformation occur?..
On another note entirely, the one time i tried chewing a quid (around 20 leaves) I had a mild, pleasant, and deep experience, lasting from a half-hour to an hour. In that time, I was meditating in my room while playing Organum on the stereo. This is some very dark, ambient industrial type stuff. Usually the sounds tend to blend together into a somewhat uneasy melange, but then i don't normally meditate to that or to music in general. This time, though, I got the distinct impression that the cd had been recorded in a giant, cavernous warehouse, with the different droning/banging/scraping/skittering sounds being played by anonymous people in the shadowed corners and sides of the space. Alternately, I could imagine each sound as a creature of some sort, going about its weird and alien business, but not threatening at all. Aside from the giant warehouse image, There was just a feeling of a very huge space associated with the music, a huge empty space in my head, where these sounds had ample room to exist without disturbing anything. Now that I think about it, I remember i picked that album because i thought it might sync well with the salvia, and it did seem to.
This is a lengthy post, i know, sorry. Hoping someone has some insight into my smoking problem. Thanks.
