Scary Experience Last Time, Nervous About Next Trip

[M○○N]

I know I really don't want to stop. It's too beautiful and mysterious and powerful. At the same time I'm really struggling getting myself to trip again. Simply lurking this amazing place has helped me with a couple scary experiences (I've had 20ish breakthroughs in about 4 months) but the last trip I had resulted in a traumatic experience.

For background and without getting into too much detail, I have been raped and sexually assaulted at multiple times in my life. It's been dealt with by myself with the help of therapists and loved ones so no worries but I had a DMT breakthrough experience that I can only describe as getting sexually assaulted and because of my past I felt like it got a little out of hand.

The offending plant-like tentacle entity would probe and touch me and would act like a kicked puppy when I told it "NO". At one point of the experience it took me to its weird little black magic shanty where it was trying to grope me while dancing and spinning me around incredibly fast. I would turn and then suddenly its tentacle would be trying to probe and penetrate my face but it felt like it was penetrating my whole being. my mind, body and soul. it was so uncomfortable. At the very end it got so mad that I wouldn't let it touch me that it shot a tentacle right into my face. The tip had a bulb that unfurled into four petals revealing rows and rows of teeth.

I think it's so traumatic cause it reminds of many different bits and pieces of abusers from real life. It seems like hyperspace entities can be just as shitty as the ones in our everyday world:x
Either way I've got some spice that I weighed out in a nice little herb sandwich and I'm trying to get myself to relax and light my torch.

 

[potnoble]

I hope you find a relaxed and healing space there.
Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from your experience.
Only you can know that.

I wish you all the best and hope it didn´t throw you off too much in real life.

Have a gud one

 

[Exitwound]

The most important questions: Why do you want to keep going?

If you feel uncomfortable and anxious about tripping - it will definitely affect your trip.

In my opinion, if you feel scared to trip, then don't. Give it time, let your past trips fully integrate.

When fears subside and you feel like tripping again, plan a date and approach it with preparations and respect - choose appropriate setting, do meditation prior, set your intention, light your favorite incences, say a prayer, have a mantra ready, have a good relaxing and calm music, have a trip sitter (someone you feel very comfortable with) to take care of you.

 

[sbios]

I'd agree with what Exitwound suggested. I find the preparation and ritual before the trip have influences in my trip experience. That including the mental preparation as well as the surroundings. You might want to even try use sage to clear the space beforehand.

 

[downwardsfromzero]

An idea struck me while reading this: people often talk of pre-launch rituals but we don't hear so much about post-landing rituals. It's often said that it's worth leaving sufficient time between trips to allow for integration. More than once having wondered what this integration actually entails, I see potential great value in establishing some kind of grounding ritual for the post-trip space. Perhaps some of here have relevant stories to share?

As one example, many music festivals I've attended have had some kind of closing ceremony. It seems very likely that a good reason exists for the organisers choosing to do this.


[edit: OK, so that particular analogy doesn't sit so comfortably when contrasted with the first post (I read this thread backwards). OP, it sounds like you've had a warped tour of some traumatic memories.]

 

[Daturas]

The fact you are able to express and comprehend this experience to some extent serves simply as an expression of your conscious reality. You are alive, you are able to share your experience and what can you take in from it.

Personally I don't believe in "bad" trips, because no matter how much fear you have, until the point of existential personal oblivion, and finally death, it just serves as a junction in your conscious experience. I personally had a terrible trip after ingesting 3 tabs of acid, of which I later found out to be Bromo-benzodifuranyl-isopropylamine and was high for almost a whole week without sleep and honestly wanted to check myself into a hospital.

Your mind serves as the primary faculty of your conscious experience. The evil and good that you think exist outside your mind are only faculties of your experience. All the same, integrating these experiences into your waking life is of utmost importance.

The only thing I can say with confidence is that I'm sure that i'm alive now, and I don't know what will happen when I die. So trip well, good or bad.. It's just a trip to share and reflect on when you return to consensus reality, whatever that may be.

Be well.

Kind regards -D