self-inflicted abduction ontological shock

[Felnik]

I got my but kicked again today. wow. I think i need to resolve some kind of inner panic thats started to set in .
I'm worried if i can even continue with this work if i don't come to terms with this panic feeling.
I was having trouble breaking through today . I had a small low dose of caapi tea earlier in the day.

SO with that in mind I was attempting to carefully monitor the dose of spice. SLowly increasing it as i went.

FInally I got slammed hard and i was quickly being absorbed into this totally alien dimension. I freeked out because I remembered the feeling the last time it happened. Its a terrible cold intense powerful force that takes me completely over. It has a scary diabolical quality to it.
It felt like some kind of entity was pulling me into this zone as if i was being abducted. There was a feeling of being taken , thats new for me.
There was a definite presence right in there. Whatever the fuck it was it HAD ME for a minute or 2 and it was a cold bastard whatever it was.


It was like getting my whole body suddenly dunked into a totally real and completely unmanageable reality of some kind. I was confused and totally terrified I was helpless to do anything. I was in the forest laying down on a mossy stone outcropping. The first thing I thought was to start moving. I got up and started to put my shoes on and spoke to myself trying to calm down. Then i realized i was ok . The last time I had that happen it lingered for a while and i thought the same thing was going to happen again. but it was over fast this time.

now a couple of thoughts . First of all have any of you tried black caapi vine? is it possible that type of vine is way too powerful? thats what i made my tea from today and the last time that happened as well. I suspect this being part of the problem.


here's the crazy part. Do you think with repeated use of this stuff the beings on the other side can zero in on you easier in that dimension?
Is it possible that after a while of using spice we send out a distinctive trail of some kind? and you are quickly located in that zone?

I have been working on trying a more shamanic approach so I was doing all my ritual stuff this time too. Didn't help at all.
Set and setting could not have been better today.

This force feels so powerful nothing I could ever come up with will hold its own against this force. Its power is beyond anything concievable.

I have alot of work to do. Anybody have any ideas on how to work on this panic feeling? This panic is an overall sense of panic like the panic takes over everything overriding my ability to cope ? I thought i was getting better too.

 

[gibran2]

I recently tried black caapi for the first time. I used it by itself (no follow-up with spice), made a tea from 5g. It produced very noticeable effects, comparable to sublingual Caapi Copy. I don’t have experience with any other caapi variety, so I can’t rank it’s relative strength.

I don’t think we leave a “hyper-spatial trail”, but who knows? I rarely visit the same place twice, so I tend to think that where we go is more or less random, or maybe we go where we need to go each and every time. If there’s a particular issue that you’re dealing with, maybe you need to return to a similar place until the issue is resolved.

Letting go is hard. I thought I was good at letting go, but a few of my experiences have shown me that I have much more work. Sounds like you’ve discovered the same.

One thing that helps is to view an experience not as something I get, but rather as something I give. I give myself to the experience. I offer up my body and soul with humility and tranquility. And then I remind myself that everything that happens is unfolding and happening exactly as it should.

 

[88]

brother, I feel for you on this one. It is sometimes a very scary experience; remember that regardless of where we go or who we meet, your psyche is the vehicle; whatever fears, issues or anything else in your noggin is likely to manifest.

Your previous terrifying journey is no doubt still pretty raw to the touch, and perhaps this fear is becoming recursive, folding in on itself.

At one point I was having alternating beautiful and terrifying journeys, and God knows why I persisted with it ... I still wonder sometimes ... but I did come to a point where instead of hoping for a good experience, I simply accepted that whatever I found was part of what I needed to learn.

I think you have two choices now:

one is to face this thing; ask the question before entry: what do I want from this? What is it I really want, and why am I doing this?

Option 2, of course, is to walk away for a while. Put it down and focus on this world and ask yourself the question: What is it I really want, and why am I doing this?

Much love

 

[ragabr]

SWIM has been in a similar place as well. For her, the answer came in dropping her dosage way down, and building back up from there. Have you consistently shot straight through? Best of wishes.