semi-experienced psychonaut, finally joined. some trip reports, background, thoughts

[skeptik]

hey nexus

been lurking for a while, finally just joined so i can participate. my psychedelic journey began with shrooms and led to lsd, which was my favorite psychedelic for a long time. i’d tried dmt in the past in (safe) festival settings, but it recently ‘found’ me or made its way into my life late last year. i’ve been exploring with it personally since and have become quite intrigued and interested in not only the molecule itself but also how people use it, and why. my education includes a degree in neuroscience, so psychedelics and pharmacology have always been of keen interest to me, and i have always been fascinated by the effects of psychedelics in recreational and therapeutic situations.

over the past few months i’ve been getting deeper and deeper into the experience, slowly allowing myself to work up the courage for deeper trips, using vape carts from a trusted source. the strength of it blew me away at first and scared me a bit from going deeper — my first hit was like 20 minutes of the heaviest acid visuals i could remember. i spent some time getting comfortable with small rips, never really breaking through, just enjoying the visuals while watching movies so as to get to know how the substance affected me. then i tried it in fully black room. two big rips led to my first breakthrough, which definitely threw me into another world. i felt what seemed to be the presence of an entity, and the visuals were unbelievable, but i was left feeling like i could go deeper.

since then, over the past month or so, i’ve been better about setting intentions for the trip in hopes of learning more about myself and working on personal things. i’ve listened to so many trip reports out of interest as well as in preparation to go deeper. i’m not sure if i’m getting to the ‘waiting room’ or past it… whenever i’ve opened my eyes i’ve still been ‘here.’ except for my first dark room breakthrough, though i did turn a light on at one point and was still in my room, though the open eye visuals were extremely heavy. so i’m still left considering whether or not i’m ’making it’ or whether i’m still not experiencing it to the fullest. in trip reports (which i do understand are recollections, but still) one can read about all kinds of hyperspace landscapes…. while the visuals i’m experiencing are unlike anything i’ve ever seen, beautiful and incredible, i’m not sure if i’m getting all the way there.

last night i wanted to go deep, and after taking what i think was two large hits, i remember setting down the vape. as it started to come on, i felt as though all of the normal visuals i have become used to were on overdrive. everything was moving extremely fast and the sound that built up was intense, it felt like my consciousness was being shaken around in a box. i thought maybe i did too much, while at the same time thinking ‘this is it, yes!’ after building and building i heard what sounded like the loudest crack of thunder… i was scared and it felt like something was wrong, that i had gone to far, that something catastrophic had happened. i did feel the presence of something at that point attempting to communicate with me or download something to me. i was a bit scared, and when i opened my eyes, i felt the presence of what seemed like my mother… i remember even asking myself, ‘mom?’ i wondered whether i had accidentally called her. i looked around and realized that wasn’t the case and that i was still ok, sitting on my couch, visuals so heavy, and accidentally reached out and touched my cat sitting beside me, who looked back at me. the time dilation was heavy and felt a bit claustrophobic. i could tell i needed to pee so i found my way to the bathroom and did that (i always think i’ve pissed myself when i come back for some reason, never actually do). then returned to the couch and continued to come back down, taking in the experience. this was definitely the strongest of experiences i’ve had so far… but i still have this feeling like i’m not fully there. i’m not sure if i’m seeing the hyperspace i’m reading about in trip reports, i don’t think I’ve been in a waiting room either. curious to know what others think.

thanks for reading this far if you got here… happy to be here

skeptik

edit: i guess as i continue to reflect i remember a few other details about the takeoff of my last trip…when i heard the thunder crack, i felt as though the couch disappeared or broke in half and that i had fallen through and landed on my back on a hard surface, the impact being as loud and jarring and seemingly at the same time as the thunder crack itself. i do also distinctly remember a feeling of not knowing what or who the fuck i was (so ego death…) and being slightly confused but still in awe of the visuals i was seeing. guess i’m not sure if my eyes were open or closed at this point… once my brain started to reconstruct some semblance of what was going on, i was able to think to myself "this was a dose" and that brought me peace knowing it would run its course and end eventually. it was beautiful and terrifying, but i feel good that for the most part i was able to keep composure and not completely freak out through the duration of the trip. no part of the trip did i consider to be ‘bad,’ just heavy and intense, which is what i was attempting. though there were times i had to tell myself "you took dmt, it will be over within 15-20 max." i find it so much easier to reassure myself and not spiral into a bad trip… with acid, the thought of potentially several more hours of tripping can be overwhelming and lead to thought spirals and anxieties simply due to the trip duration. so even though dmt is exponentially more intense, i still find it easy to focus on thoughts like "it will be over soon, experience all you can."

maybe this first post was in itself a valuable lesson in integration. sitting and reflecting and writing about the experience brought back memories and some "two-dimensional," if you will, distillations of the visuals i saw. however i feel like i may have forgotten some of this had i not sat down and tried to remember what i could.

so maybe i am doing it right? *chuckles*

 

[Exitwound]

Hi and welcome.
You experience is very similar to "average trip report" (if we can have such thing) from what I can tell. So yes, you are doing it right

Myself - first time I was freaking out that I have peed myself half of the trip, because I was not alone in that setting.
From my circle of DMT heads, like 30-40% I'd say had that "wet and cold feeling down your lower bit".
It wasn't for all trips, but maybe I learned to dismiss it later.

It is hard to remember DMT trips, they can be very intense, unpredictable and memories/brain pathways seem not always to be suitable for recalling what you had experienced.
Maybe because during some times, information coming in doesn't touch human memory neural pathways? Maybe it streams directly to somewhere, which is typically not accessible by memory part of the brain?

beautiful and terrifying

Sums up everything quite well, doesn't it? DMT, life, God...

what is also funny, that this:

"it will be over soon, experience all you can."

applies to life as well as DMT trip and all good advice for tripping can be applied to daily life as well

 

[daroonvoom]

Nice post..
It's funny, reading through your post and you being able to remember more the more you go into, is exactly what happened to me when I read your experiences..I thought "yeah thats exactly how it was actually" .I'm not the most articulate so it's refreshing to be able to understand it out into words. I remember the visuals and feelings but trying to explain them is something I can't quite manage.
I also use a vape and what your saying sounds spot on to me from my experiences so far.
I usually start off a session once I feel like I've prepared myself to a calm place with 1 big hit then go from there. Sometimes hitting once or twice more depending how far I want to go...but I am still an amateur when it comes to this stuff but also I understand that it's each to there own as well. I've heard some say 2 big ones held in for aslong as possible and others say 3 is the magic number. Although there's nothing quite like thinking " yeah I should've gone one more time" other than "shit..I shouldn't of done that last one" it's very humbling to say the least.

I do remember one of my first 3 puffs one after the other. I was lying on my bed in the conservatory (where we sleep) it was daytime. I was tired and looking back now I realised I wasn't in the right mind to do it.
I took the hits and laid back then It started, the vivid deep purple totem poles were surrounding me straight away, my ears were droning and I thought.."shit. I can't handle this". So I sat up on my bed and put my feet on the floor and opend my eyes to find my hands were spirals..in shades of green and brown almost like tree bark. I then looked up out the door to the garden and everything that is normally green was purple, at this point I felt more calm because I'd experienced this sort of thing before with acid so everything felt a lot more familiar. I laid back down on the bed and then the whole room started shape shifting (like Tetris blocks) then i could see my head shape shifting, it was bizarre at this point I closed my eyes and I don't really remember much else after that. I feel like I woke up about half an hour later..
I think if I would've kept my eyes closed and battled on through the rush, I might of had my best journey yet but never the less still a wild experience I carry with me.

"When you no longer fear death, only then will you understand true freedom"

Here's to many more anyway

 

[skeptik]

update

thanks to all who read and to @Exitwound and @daroonvoom for taking the time to reply, definitely felt reassured reading those. source thinks i overdid it a little, they’ve been extracting for years, stuff is strong, they fly frequently, able to break through on 2 hits consistently, and agreed 3 would be pretty heavy and might be difficult to remember much. so i think i’m doing a combination of throwing unnecessary expectations on the experience as well as potentially dosing a bit too high. plans are to slow down and hopefully black out a little less next time.

 

[Tripolation]

Hi Skeptik,

Enjoyed reading your experience thus far with DMT. I mean it sounds like you are exploring and getting the lay of the land so to speak. I like your approach. Kind of like setting up camp and venturing out further and further each day, returning to the camp and going over all that you gathered.

Intention guides perception and integration is key to understanding. I think you are doing everything "Right" as you wrote. Perhaps your expectations could be hindering you in some way. If you get the feeling like you are not getting there or could have gone deeper, that is kind of an expectation. Expectations should be dropped IMO. Allowing the information of the experience to flow.

You mentioned you have a degree in Neuroscience. Have your DMT experiences changed your perception of anything you have learned about neuroscience? Recently I watched the video below on youtube and found it fascinating. The video features Dr. Christof Koch talking about his experience with 5meo and Integrated Information Theory. I thought you may enjoy the video and I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

"If I claim to be a student of consciousness, and here we have a technique that can rapidly and dramatically and sometimes transformatively change your experience of the world, then I for sure want to experience it." ~Dr. Christof Koch

Take care!