Well hello. After lurking around here in the shadows, I decided to introduce myself, and become a part of this community. I'd like to tell yall a little about my journey so far, and about my relationship with this remarkable substance, as well as a couple of my little theories about it.
I first encountered DMT after a Dead show- (on my 21st B-day in Eugene, OR where I resided at the time! Weird to me.) That experience, while amazing, didn't result in much more than some VERY interesting after effects- I felt incredibly empathic; damn near Psychic! This occurred during a period in my life that was pretty much soaked in LSD, THC, mushrooms, and various other things. I don't think I had the capacity to understand it at the time.
Anyway, to make an incredibly long story short, I put psychedelics down after a very nice trip with the purest acid I'd ever done deciding that to be a good period at the end of the sentence. The next few paragraphs of my life were pretty horrific. I dove headlong into serious heroin addiction. Even after experiencing incredibly serious consequences from my addiction, over and over, even-jail, homelessness, suicide attempts, accidental death, almost losing a leg to MRSA,losing anything you can lose- its amazing how much shit you can fit in those tiny balloons!-I would come to it over and over.
After over 20 years with that shit, a little less than 2 years ago I joined a methadone clinic, something I said I'd never do, unless I decided to be an addict the rest of my life. What a dumbass! Now I DO NOT want to discuss the pros and cons of MMX, but for me, it saved my life. Here in OR, indigents like me can get state funded insurance and it covers all kinds of good stuff- MMX mental health etc. So Ive been off dope @ years now and will probably be off the 'done soon too. About a year ago in a set of wild circumstances that can only be described as synchronicity, I came across DMT again. I've always thought psychedelics could be useful for all kinds of things besides parties, and got about a quarter gram of Hcl. The problem with psy's (to me-and most people I know)is the length, and the come down. It makes for a lot of anxiety, and the duration of comedown doesnt facilitate integration too well, I dont feel. Too much time for fear to take hold, too much possibility of too much going wrong, AAAAAA!
I had been studying kabbalah and high magic, the mystery traditions, for about a year when the little vial was handed to me with a couple warnings and blessings. I had been learning some pretty big things about myself and my place in the universe on my own without chemical aid, even having one spontaneous OBE, and now was the time to try this stuff out. I injected IV a piece about the size of a quarter of a grain of rice. Dont know how much that was, I figure I got ^ shots out of a quarter gram about the same size, so 250 div by 6 is around 40mg, IV. HOLY SHIT! I remember saying something like "OH.....my.....God?" then being sucked out of the top of my skull and thrown into a pulsing emptiness, just floating in samadhi. As I came back into thought, into a place where there was thought, words came to me, names from traditions the world over, a vast universal network unfolded itself before me, and then I was there on my floor in the fetal position, newly born. Laid on the cold breast of my mother. Far off stood my father. Iwrote those two lines as soon as I could hold a pencil, they were engraved in the folds of my brain. Both the love and ambivalence of the Universe swirled about me.
Over the next experiment, I experienced spontaneous kundalini awakening, something that I knew next to nothing about. Years of psychic stress that had manifested as severe physical tension disappeared, in a matter of seconds, and the circumference of my neck shrank! Other PHYSICAL effects occurred, small defects on my body were gone. I was enervated, and my third eye had opened so wide I could not shut it. Prophetic dreams. I entered the mind of a mouse, terrified, shivering in its little burrow, the world outside had been rendered frozen and dark by a nuclear winter. It wondered how to survive. "Become Man". It was an ancestor, I think. Jesus, it kept going, I feared for my sanity a couple times.
I felt like I could walk from the clinic for good, like my brain had been washed, the way the speculate ibogaine "resets" neoro-transmitters in addicts. This action is what allows long term opiate addicts to not experience crippling withdrawals. I was scared. Plus I had heard no anecdotal reports of this happening.
So heres I am- a little later, a little wiser. I had a dream where I had ordered a little package of MHRB. In this dream I put on a cool robe covered in stars, some blue slippers, a funny hat and began contemplating some arcane processes I had discovered in some musty computer file in the recesses of the interweb. Now this truly was a dream, and I awoke deciding to post here, to let my little story out, and to see if anyone would like to say hay back. Im in the PDXOR area, a strange little place indeed. Gotta love the rain! Thats it for now, I look forward to many happy futures and many tales shared between us, many secrets revealed,and many names learned. γνῶθι σεαυτόν
I first encountered DMT after a Dead show- (on my 21st B-day in Eugene, OR where I resided at the time! Weird to me.) That experience, while amazing, didn't result in much more than some VERY interesting after effects- I felt incredibly empathic; damn near Psychic! This occurred during a period in my life that was pretty much soaked in LSD, THC, mushrooms, and various other things. I don't think I had the capacity to understand it at the time.
Anyway, to make an incredibly long story short, I put psychedelics down after a very nice trip with the purest acid I'd ever done deciding that to be a good period at the end of the sentence. The next few paragraphs of my life were pretty horrific. I dove headlong into serious heroin addiction. Even after experiencing incredibly serious consequences from my addiction, over and over, even-jail, homelessness, suicide attempts, accidental death, almost losing a leg to MRSA,losing anything you can lose- its amazing how much shit you can fit in those tiny balloons!-I would come to it over and over.
After over 20 years with that shit, a little less than 2 years ago I joined a methadone clinic, something I said I'd never do, unless I decided to be an addict the rest of my life. What a dumbass! Now I DO NOT want to discuss the pros and cons of MMX, but for me, it saved my life. Here in OR, indigents like me can get state funded insurance and it covers all kinds of good stuff- MMX mental health etc. So Ive been off dope @ years now and will probably be off the 'done soon too. About a year ago in a set of wild circumstances that can only be described as synchronicity, I came across DMT again. I've always thought psychedelics could be useful for all kinds of things besides parties, and got about a quarter gram of Hcl. The problem with psy's (to me-and most people I know)is the length, and the come down. It makes for a lot of anxiety, and the duration of comedown doesnt facilitate integration too well, I dont feel. Too much time for fear to take hold, too much possibility of too much going wrong, AAAAAA!
I had been studying kabbalah and high magic, the mystery traditions, for about a year when the little vial was handed to me with a couple warnings and blessings. I had been learning some pretty big things about myself and my place in the universe on my own without chemical aid, even having one spontaneous OBE, and now was the time to try this stuff out. I injected IV a piece about the size of a quarter of a grain of rice. Dont know how much that was, I figure I got ^ shots out of a quarter gram about the same size, so 250 div by 6 is around 40mg, IV. HOLY SHIT! I remember saying something like "OH.....my.....God?" then being sucked out of the top of my skull and thrown into a pulsing emptiness, just floating in samadhi. As I came back into thought, into a place where there was thought, words came to me, names from traditions the world over, a vast universal network unfolded itself before me, and then I was there on my floor in the fetal position, newly born. Laid on the cold breast of my mother. Far off stood my father. Iwrote those two lines as soon as I could hold a pencil, they were engraved in the folds of my brain. Both the love and ambivalence of the Universe swirled about me.
Over the next experiment, I experienced spontaneous kundalini awakening, something that I knew next to nothing about. Years of psychic stress that had manifested as severe physical tension disappeared, in a matter of seconds, and the circumference of my neck shrank! Other PHYSICAL effects occurred, small defects on my body were gone. I was enervated, and my third eye had opened so wide I could not shut it. Prophetic dreams. I entered the mind of a mouse, terrified, shivering in its little burrow, the world outside had been rendered frozen and dark by a nuclear winter. It wondered how to survive. "Become Man". It was an ancestor, I think. Jesus, it kept going, I feared for my sanity a couple times.
I felt like I could walk from the clinic for good, like my brain had been washed, the way the speculate ibogaine "resets" neoro-transmitters in addicts. This action is what allows long term opiate addicts to not experience crippling withdrawals. I was scared. Plus I had heard no anecdotal reports of this happening.
So heres I am- a little later, a little wiser. I had a dream where I had ordered a little package of MHRB. In this dream I put on a cool robe covered in stars, some blue slippers, a funny hat and began contemplating some arcane processes I had discovered in some musty computer file in the recesses of the interweb. Now this truly was a dream, and I awoke deciding to post here, to let my little story out, and to see if anyone would like to say hay back. Im in the PDXOR area, a strange little place indeed. Gotta love the rain! Thats it for now, I look forward to many happy futures and many tales shared between us, many secrets revealed,and many names learned. γνῶθι σεαυτόν
