Sometimes Growth Makes You Feel Ridiculous:)

[Voidmatrix]

Note: Considering some of my other posts of my inner work, what I'm going to share is a bit ironic, and considering the support I've received, the least I can do is let you all have a little laugh at my expense.

Some ideas led to some research, which has led to a new approach at working on certain issues and bettering myself and my life.

For many hang-ups, I've tried interacting and managing depression. But it seems that I should move a level deeper, closer to the fundemental genesis of my depression. In this case looking at my own sensory processing sensitivity and it's attached neuroses.

Note: Clinically, the term "neurosis" is no longer used (if I recollect correctly, it was phased out in the 1980s), but the general idea in which it entails with a consideration of it being driven by sensory processing sensitivity is how it will be used here. So entailing my potential moodiness, obsessive thinking, incessant worrying, regularly "overwhelmed," it's effects on depression and anxiety, etc.

I've been aware of my sensory processing sensitivity for a long time. But I merely acknowledge it and haven't looked into it as much as would've been prudent. Part of the reason is that I have a negative connotation to the term as well as the attached term, "highly sensitive person." Based on how it's used, there's an air of negativity around being highly sensitive, and so I considered it a bad thing for a long time, because I didn't like feeling like a wuss . This isn't to be confused the sensory processing disorder. The sensitivity is neither beneficial nor detrimental, regardless of association and connotations used in the field. However, I've come to understand that in some regards it can intensify with age, and those with sensory processing sensitivity are more like to develop and experience neuroses as well as other mental disorders.

It contributes to and fuels depression.

What this means to and for me is that many of my "hang-ups" should be addressed through and reframed by said sensitivity and neuroses instead of only at the level of my depression. Took me long enough to figure this out

It [neurosis] definitely is something that is reflected in my posting this, in and of itself not to mention a handful of my other posts

Internally, it's giving me a breath. Having that much more understanding for and with myself is not only wholesome and growth promoting, but it allows a great deal of pressure to be relieved and an ability to shrug a great deal more off.

There are certain thought patterns that I observe, and though don't agree with, they remain, and sometimes I'm not really sure where they came from or why they feel like they hold so much weight, causing an inner confusion leading to cognitive dissonance. Now I can recognize them not just as intrusive thoughts and thought patterns, but also as a result of high sensitivity and neuroses, thus curtailing its effects on me (I now have reason to not take said intrusive and nuerotic patterns seriously) The deeper level focus of the overall subject already appears much more effective.

Psychedelically, it lets me better get over my hangups and unnecessary worries about interacting with entheogens. My standards for justification with myself are ridiculous. Well, I guess many standards for some time :lol: And maybe I'm just ridiculous. Also, there seems to be some attribution of general increase in overall sensitivity as well as an increase in magnitude of sensory processing sensitivity. So I can stop admonishing myself (not that I should've been in the first place, but hey, I guess my masochistic side makes me nag myself?), and "go for it" more.

In some senses this is really funny to me. I hope you found a little humor in it too.

Who knows, maybe this will be the last post of my whining (and no I don't want cheese with my wine, I don't really like cheese :lol: ). Not saying I don't still have a lot of work to do, just now that I have a better feel and understanding I probably won't need to share as much about it . I do have to start on phase 1 on a plethora of things though. :shock:

Thanks for reading (as always), and for putting up with me.

One love

 

[murklan]

Hello Voidmatrix and thank you for sharing. I might not get the nuances, twists and turns since I'm not totally confident with the English language. So I didn't get the humor

I have however a few thoughts regarding sensitivity. I don't think I'm a "highly sensitive person" but I've heard the term quite a lot the last 5-8 years. I don't know so much about that but what I'm more familiar with is my own sensitivity and perception. Inner and outer.

And what has been a experience again and again is how much our mind is a social construct (not totally of cause) and how it as such needs 'calibration'. Calibration can mean a social connection with anther human being or just be around people that one feel good about. I find it surprisingly effective for changing my thoughts and feelings, witch can get a bit lost och entwined when I've been on my own for to long time.

This is not a real fix, or a healing of the deeper structures that you are writing about. But still I feel that it has it's values. I believe that we are a deeply social animal and that we can get all kinds of 'issues' when we loose that part of our being. That said, I'm living on my own in many ways

Hope you get on well Voidmatrix, and it's always a good sign when you can laugh about it.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Hello Voidmatrix and thank you for sharing. I might not get the nuances, twists and turns since I'm not totally confident with the English language. So I didn't get the humor

I have however a few thoughts regarding sensitivity. I don't think I'm a "highly sensitive person" but I've heard the term quite a lot the last 5-8 years. I don't know so much about that but what I'm more familiar with is my own sensitivity and perception. Inner and outer.

And what has been a experience again and again is how much our mind is a social construct (not totally of cause) and how it as such needs 'calibration'. Calibration can mean a social connection with anther human being or just be around people that one feel good about. I find it surprisingly effective for changing my thoughts and feelings, witch can get a bit lost och entwined when I've been on my own for to long time.

This is not a real fix, or a healing of the deeper structures that you are writing about. But still I feel that it has it's values. I believe that we are a deeply social animal and that we can get all kinds of 'issues' when we loose that part of our being. That said, I'm living on my own in many ways

Hope you get on well Voidmatrix, and it's always a good sign when you can laugh about it.

I suppose the humor was mainly the jabs I took at myself as well ironic considering other posts.

I feel like at one point, it was a term that was thrown out a little too much. Especially outside of a proper context. It may still be thrown around too much, similar to ADD.

And you're right, we are social creatures. For me, it's easy to get overwhelmed in many social situations. Sensory processing sensivity means that my central nervous system is more active and receptive to stimuli of all kinds. So, in other words, I'm hypersensitive, both positively and negatively. All the same, your insights tell me I should probably call my best friend more often So thank you, because yes, it is actually invaluable

I have managed it all pretty damn well, if I do say so myself

Part of me is laughing at the farcical nature of it all. Such is the cosmic comedic tragedy :twisted:

And as always, thank you my friend.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Neuroticism scores significantly decreased while Extraversion increased following psilocybin therapy. These changes were in the direction of the normative NEO‐PI‐R data and were both predicted, in an exploratory analysis, by the degree of insightfulness experienced during the psilocybin session. Openness scores also significantly increased following psilocybin, whereas Conscientiousness showed trend‐level increases, and Agreeableness did not change.

Neuroticism may contribute to the strength of challenging experiences in uncontrolled settings

Still doing research and found these results from a couple of studies... :lol: "Psychedelics can help, but it might be rough," seems to be the gist here.

One love

 

[downwardsfromzero]

What was funniest for me is the fact that you chose to find this amusing. (Incidentally, self-irony, IME, is generally an unpopular approach in the humour art-form, unless you do it in the form of the unhappy clown. People can be callous like that.) I most probably qualify as "highly sensitive" as well, so your post has been helpful for me too. I never especially thought to consider it as being ridiculous (ironically, this is despite finding just about everything else to be ridiculous) so perhaps I'll have something to laugh about now the next time I get overloaded and my brains turn to spaghetti bolognese again.

And today I laughed at the byline quote in NewScientist, "Psilocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, may induce self-transcendence." Is it the goal of scientists to get paid to state the obvious? I may have missed a trick there. (Psilocin is the actual active metabolite, of course, but 'psilocybin' somehow just sounds more cool.)

The other take-home quote from the same article - and this might be of some use to you, VM - is, "There is ample evidence from clinical psychology that excessive self-focus can have negative effects," :lol::lol::lol:

 

[Voidmatrix]

What was funniest for me is the fact that you chose to find this amusing. (Incidentally, self-irony, IME, is generally an unpopular approach in the humour art-form, unless you do it in the form of the unhappy clown. People can be callous like that.) I most probably qualify as "highly sensitive" as well, so your post has been helpful for me too. I never especially thought to consider it as being ridiculous (ironically, this is despite finding just about everything else to be ridiculous) so perhaps I'll have something to laugh about now the next time I get overloaded and my brains turn to spaghetti bolognese again.

I feel like on my end it's a bit of maniacal humor :twisted:

And now we see some of my social awkwardness. Usually when I'm funny, it's mostly by accident or appropriate for the moment.

It takes some of the weight away from thoughts that I can identify as "neurotic." Thoughts I don't want to really think, don't actually hold as any position, yet it turns out to still subtly effect my actions and behavior in ways that I find displeasing. Helps me pump the brakes on obsessive thinking too. And my general anxiety. It's just easier to "be" with stuff because of the connotations and associations I have with the idea of neurosis or neuroticism. And being able to trace that to a trait that can be prone to such things helps me change my focus and "be" better. The understanding is liberating.

And today I laughed at the byline quote in NewScientist, "Psilocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, may induce self-transcendence." Is it the goal of scientists to get paid to state the obvious? I may have missed a trick there. (Psilocin is the actual active metabolite, of course, but 'psilocybin' somehow just sounds more cool.)

It's probably because they want to reach a broader audience, one without such awareness of the magic of mushrooms (side note: been microdosing with my daily vitamin regimen and daily rue tea: pretty awesome).

And I've actually had people try to argue that with me in conversation. I always chuckle and then just search it and show them.

The other take-home quote from the same article - and this might be of some use to you, VM - is, "There is ample evidence from clinical psychology that excessive self-focus can have negative effects," LaughingLaughing

No arguments there. Perhaps also, seemingly, obvious. :lol:

One love