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Spinning Stalactites

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nailpolished

nailpolished

Rising Star
Extraordinary stalactites instantaneously drip down from my cottage cheese ceiling, my room turns into a Disney cartoon and then a circus in the same instant, a small indistinguishable figure dances just outside my line of vision, and while Iron & Wine plays, the most beautiful female voices sings along in her own words in an unknown language. And I am there, fully conscious, being presented with these indecipherable messages.

I am 23, graduated from college two years ago, and I will be entering graduate school in Fall '11. I have been exploring various psychedelics for the first time over the course of the last few months. I came to DMT after an unexpected cathartic experience with LSD and Ketamine which led me to want to explore the more spiritual side of these substances. I have smoked DMT about 5 times in the past three weeks, in increasing quantities but always short of breaking through (impossible to know dosing due to lack of scale and most likely low potency spice).

There is however, a problem. I am heavily medicated for my Bipolar Disorder, taking a mood stabilizer, an atypical antidepressant, an atypical anti-psychotic, a stimulant, and a benzo in two doses a day. After difficulty achieving a full DMT experience, I suspect this is the reason. I take no SSRIs or MAOIs. I plan to arrange a fast of sorts in the coming weeks, once I feel the time has come.

I have had very little fractal imagery, closed-eye visuals, and no formal contact with other entities.

My boyfriend, who is unmediated, has had a much easier time than I, having attained contact weeks ago with much smaller doses. As a result, much of my experience with spice has been colored by his.

I come here with my question, my curiosity, and my inexperience, but bring my thoughtfulness and respect. While I know my own will and doubt hold me back, I am prepared to surrender myself in search of understanding.

As a side note, I am a fiber artist and have been working on the makings of a blog/series of pieces documenting my experience on and after psychedelics. Currently working on recreating the pale green stalactites through hand-dyed, handspun art yarn. Once I finish I will be sure to post pictures. :)

And while I don't mean to draw direct connections between these two substances, here is acid #1, to give you an idea

the yarn acid test #1
 
Welcome to the Nexus! Many, many people have trouble breaking through while on certain mood stabilizers. The fast seems like a good idea to try, but I suggest you check in regularly with your significant other, to get an outside opinion of how you're dealing with the time off of meds. What are you studying in grad school?

Edit: After reading your other post that contained more information, I retract my previous statements. With severe cases of mood disorders, the DMT experience does not seem advisable to me at all.
 
ragabr said:
Welcome to the Nexus! Many, many people have trouble breaking through while on certain mood stabilizers. The fast seems like a good idea to try, but I suggest you check in regularly with your significant other, to get an outside opinion of how you're dealing with the time off of meds. What are you studying in grad school?
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Yeah definitely going to be monitoring myself closely during the days leading up to my next attempt.

I'm going to be studying for an MFA in Poetry :)
 
Welcome. I'm quite certain that your medication is probably interfering with your trips, but I would never recommend to anyone who is diagnosed bipolar that they discontinue their meds for any reason (ESPECIALLY so they can experiment with crazy powerful psychedelics) or period of time.

You are playing with fire, in my opinion. I hope you tread very lightly.
 
Uncle Knucles said:
Welcome. I'm quite certain that your medication is probably interfering with your trips, but I would never recommend to anyone who is diagnosed bipolar that they discontinue their meds for any reason (ESPECIALLY so they can experiment with crazy powerful psychedelics) or period of time.

You are playing with fire, in my opinion. I hope you tread very lightly.
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i agree that i should tread lightly, which is why i am giving myself a few weeks to prepare and came here to get input. i appreciate your concern. i just believe that my disorder should not hold me back from spiritual exploration.
 
I wish you the best and I'm not trying to be a dick about it - but unfair as it may be, what you're saying is like a diabetic stating they won't let their condition interfere with their god given right to eat cake. If you are indeed bipolar, there are some things which may be off limits to you - just as if you were diabetic, had a heart defect, dangerously high blood pressure, etc. All we can do is play the hand we're dealt. Ignore the cards, and you may find there are unfortunate ramifications.
 
nailpolished said:
Uncle Knucles said:
Welcome. I'm quite certain that your medication is probably interfering with your trips, but I would never recommend to anyone who is diagnosed bipolar that they discontinue their meds for any reason (ESPECIALLY so they can experiment with crazy powerful psychedelics) or period of time.

You are playing with fire, in my opinion. I hope you tread very lightly.
Click to expand...


i agree that i should tread lightly, which is why i am giving myself a few weeks to prepare and came here to get input. i appreciate your concern. i just believe that my disorder should not hold me back from spiritual exploration.
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It was suggested you not stop taking your medication and avoid taking DMT. How would this hold you back from spiritual exploration?
 
I concur with art in the STRONGEST way possible. You are blindly standing at the edge of a blaZing inferno enjoying the soft warm glow, contemplating running in with NO protection whatsoever... Your meds keep you balanced, and, to mix metaphors, you are about to jump off a cliff because the breeze is refreshing.

Its your choice, clearly, but PLEASE reconsider. There may be no going back. My mother is bipolar, and sometimes ( sometimes not...) a MERE glass of wine can tip her into unbalance. (no pun intended for the french speakers!)

Besides, as gibran 2 intimated, you have options: there is more than one spiritual "path". How about meditation?

Good luck whatever you decide...

JBArk
 
Hi nailpolished, I have to agree with everyone here and seriously hope you reconsider your use of psychadelic. even more importantly dont stop your medication to obtain stronger effects from spice! I hope you dont take these comments negatively, everybody here is thinking of your wellbeing. p.s Iron and Wine are awesome :)
 
That yarn is extra neat. The red and blue make me think of both ends of the visible spectrum, the blue being just shy of violet. Swirly caterpillars with a nice orangy middle ground.

Whichever path you choose to make for yourself, I hope it leads you to a place of peace and understanding.

If you choose not to heed the advice of these experienced voyagers, and go through with your plan of stopping your medication, I suggest starting with a very small dose, for as you are likely well aware, the affects of this molecule may be radically modulated.
 
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