fredyjenkins
Rising Star
I can't believe the degree of stupidity of the things i did two days ago. After work, there was a birthday party at the house of a girl i vaguely know from college days. It's a 5 minutes walk frommy home. I got there, drank some beers and liquor, met a drop dead beutiful girl, got somehow drunk, and then, at the end of night ( 1 am? ) i begun to talk about DMT to a guy and to the boyfriend of the girl doing the party. Of course they were thrilled to hear about that ( they never heard about DMT before) . Both of them had so -recreative- prior small experience with small amout of mushrooms, but that's all. So well, i end up going to my home to bring some DMT back... That's stupid, first because of the law issues. So ha well. The boyfriend of the girl smoked 3 large hits, came back and was all the way willing to try again. He said '' i was far away! out of my body WOAH! amazing! ''. The other guy was a 18 yrs old Emo Kid... He smoked tow large hits before staring blankly into space. HE came back OK but with a scared to death look in his eyes. HÉHÉ. I then smoked DMT and had an amazing breakthrough. Nothing much to say. It was coloured, vivid, really pleasant and i lost my body awareness completly. Then... the boyfriend guy talked me into doing some mushrooms. So i got to my home ( damn alcohol making me adventurus ) and came back with a scale and a LARGE amout of mushrooms. I mean, i wont tell how much, but enough to spend the rest of my days rotting in jail that's for sure. Think of a big, big bag. So we injested 3.5 grams each. And this mushroom is the most horse-shit potent kind you can find. To make things worse. We smoked DMT on the come up. That was the most intense thing i have ever done in my life. Never again. You are thinking '' ohhh 15 minutes and the mushrooms is already so strong... damn... that will be a hell of a ride '' and then you smoke dmt like a pig. From then on things got worse and worse. There was 100000 syncronicity about my life and the life of the boyfriend guy. I was MEANT to take these drugs at THAT time. It was by far the most intense trip ever. And i have done plenty! :S The waves kept coming and everytime i was sure i should ''let go'' and ''surrrender'' but GRRR. Some really HUMAN part of me told me not to do so. There was mantids and spider entitys coming from the dawn of creations, of time, and from the bottom of our collective identity. It was ugly. When the boyfriend guy started flipping because of all this ( telephatic communication between me, him, and insects from hell ), i took all the weight of his fear and badtrip on my shoulders. I was keeping the entitys at bay with all my being, and it was painfully hard. So hard that i had visions of jesus christ dying on the cross. I almost puked because of the resistance i was doing. What i was saying is '' why not surrender to the mantis, tomorow we'll be fine, and it's the only way foward. '' But i couldnt. It was to much. And the boyfriend guy couldt either. I remember him saying with a psychotic smile on his face : '' c'est la nuit ''. That means, '' it's nightime, darkness complete. '' Things was so much intense. We were facing ego death, not dissolution, death! Like dismembering! Smashed to the ground! There was insects ( real ones) noises all around. And i had the sense that all the entitys i had contacted in the past were in fact them. But then again... We layed on the grass to gaze at the sky because we were too mentaly gone to sit. And we had some visions/sense of UFOS coming from the stars. And they scanned us while we were lying on the ground. And they kind of let us show that if we fear insects, than we are not better than the insectes on the ground with us. And that we cant be a part of the galactic community because we have fears, and fear is really, really not a sign of evolution in a specie. Even with this, i couldnt surrender. It was too much! And then the cold started to hit me. The cold like... the temperature is really cold but at the same time it's there because of the experience. You know, the psychedelic frost. I needed warmth. I needed to go to my place. Really bad. So i left the guy alone. That was wrong. I sould have stayed. Poor guy!!!! This is so irresponsible. I manage to find my scale and DMT vial. ( though i dont know how, my visions was all 2 dimensional. i had to focus like CRAZY just to see the physical world a little ) I left, and while i left, it was a sign of my surrender to the insects being. In fact, i already made my choice. And the guy with me was shit scared. And told me '' dude, no, you stay here with me and us mankind, you are not them ect ''. I left anyway with a disgusting selfish feeling. I really left him behind with a tought of '' yeah yeah... that's it, go whine to your mother, i have a reservation at a vacation resort, bye bye. '' :S Then i walked to my house. I have no idea how i pulled this off. Remember this is only 5 minute walk. And i know this area since 20 years. And... i got lost. It was so twisted that all the houses seemed the same because i was seeing what i consider to be a house, not the houses themselves... hum.. And all the while, the boyfriend guy ( not there anymore) continued to telepaticly be there. The worst is that i was somehow rational. I realised the sillyness of the situation. I was batshit fucking insane. After what seemed to be an endless 4 hour walk. I got home, and layed on my bed. I got some revelation about the ''falseness'' of our reality. Pretty much like in the VALIS novel by Philip K dick. I cant explain it to you. I just cant do it. I had some revelation about my destiny and my indentity. But then again, it's too weird! I can bring it back here and speak about it!! The waves kept coming. I was tired of fighting the mantid/insect. I said like : '' ok that's it, kill me !!! Just do want you want so it will be over '' Each waves was going closer to my self anhilation. I was raped i tell you. The mantid turned out to be female and to be at the same time lots of separate entitys and one single entity. It felt like i knew this being since forever. She/it needed something from me. And i was like.. a project of these beings. All my life was related to them. And i was a product of their experiences. And i knew that in the past, i had some ( YUCK!! ) sexual intercourse with the mantid like female. There is no way to explain the terror i felt. I was more or less suddenly anhilated. I became the mantid. I was them. I was dismembered and understood the significance of the aztec ritual sacrifice. The mantid female entity/godess ate me alive. And i hate to say it but it was relief. It felt good. I was death incarnate, fully immerse in a trance like no way before. And as i became one with the mantid godess and got eaten alive, waves of ecstasy rushed into me. I'm sure heroin is not even that pleasant. I was relieved of all tension. I felt warmth rushing through my body. So.. after a few hour ( dont know how long ) i regain cousciousness of our dayly lives. I came back to our reality. And then it hit me. My room was a filthy mess, i was laying down on a pile of dirty cloths and i had a can of raid ( insect fighting aerosol) in my hands. I had been on a drinking frenzy, spent some time kissing a 17yr old girl, gave some DMT to an emo-kid, been crazy on mushrooms with a guy i didnt know at a party of a girl i knew only a little prior to this. Worse, i realised that i forgot the big ass mushroom bag at the party place before i left to my place in fear. Paranoya took hold over me. I got dressed, i was dehydrated beyond belief. My hair was a mess. It was 6-7 am in a middle class suburbia full of ''normal'' people. And i felt like an insect. I manage to go to the party place and find the mushroom bag in the backyard. I got back to my place, still shaken in fear. That's when the badtrip took some evil proportion i had never knew it could. Out of panic , i trashed all of my sutff. That's by far the worst part of the trip. But at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Insane amount of mushroom gone, insane amount of dmt and root gone. :? It was trash day, so they were gone after 2 hours. Anyway, the boyfriend guy could have panicked, his girlfriend called an ambulance and then from this, police to my house and my ass in jail. It was the most intense trip of my life. But it was also the most stupid, irresponsible thing ever. I am not proud of myself at all. I never tought i could be so stupid. I usually take great care in secrecy, setting, tripsitter present, blablabla. Ha lala! C'est la vie!
