What a fascinating experience!  To me it seems like limited aspects of your ego tried to hold you back and turn you away from an experience completely contrary to what they typically show you - by attempting to disguise that impending beautiful experience as the epitome of themselves (those limited aspects).  I can never tell if this kind of thing is old news to other people but do you know anything about Internal Family Systems? 

None the less, don't beat yourself up - keep doing this self-work.  There's one more thing, a book, I'd like to recommend - The Astrology of the Black Moon