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T-12 Hr Peruvian Torch Chips

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jungleheart

In love with a baby jaguar
Senior Member
My first trip report! I never do trip reports, however I feel compelled to today. Please be nice, lest I never write a trip report again, if my feelings get too hurt. :shock:

T-12 Hr, ~10g strong torch chips

It was my second time with cacti. Only 12 short hours ago I was mingling in the nexus chat, lounging at my computer chair. Munching on cacti chips, downing it with grapefroot juice. Having not had much experience with cacti before, my only thought was "Get as much down as you can!"

I ended up eating more than I thought :)

Sitting here, watching Grey's Anatomy, and enjoying the beautiful company of the nexians. I started getting more and more engrossed by the show. Say what you will about it, but the writing is beautiful and touching. There is a minimal amount of hypocrisy. I'm not trying to endorse the show, but I was able to watch all the way to the peak of my trip enjoying insights and feeling at one with the plotline.

When the peak hit me I finally realized how much I had eaten. My jaw dropped. I never intended to have a full out trip, and here I was tripping face.

I thought I'd get away from the computer so I went to go meditate in my bathroom. Everything seemed so clean and pure. After a while I thought, "If only my whole life had the energy of my bathroom." With that ridiculous thought I went back to my room. Upon returning, I took note of the general vibes. "It's too sleepy in here! All I want to do is sleep. I need to get out, or change the energy some how."

Upon that ridiculous thought, I realized I was fighting too much. You can't only focus on the light energy. Sometimes you have to pay your dues as a human, which is why we take psychedelics anyways, right?

So at that point I laid down and decided to do some serious thinking.

Cacti seems like a wonderful partner with ayahausca. This is because the spirit energy of ayahuascas feels feminine, while cacti seems distinctly masculine.

As of late I've been having some anger and trust directed as men as whole (something I'm not proud of), and I realized I was using that to keep me from learning from the cacti. I opened myself up once more to the experience.

The first thing the cacti showed me is that gender as a construct is going to fall away like our conceptions of race.

I imagine to some members of the nexus it seems like I talk about gender a good deal. I think this is because I'm torn within myself between two poles. I'm attracted to the uber feminine ideals, beauty, passivity, and goodness. At the same time, an almost greater part of me is attracted to the powerful strength of being masculine.

This isn't about me being attracted to the opposite sex, it's that I want the percieved benefits of being a man. I want to be a beautiful flower of a lady, and still at times it feel amazing to work like a man, and feel a masculine pride for my accomplishments.

Well, the cacti showed me that I don't have to perceive things in that way.

Long ago we assumed that because someone was of a certain race, they were a certain way. Now we know this isn't the truth, and let everyone's individuality speak for themselves.

The complexity of a personality of both masculine and feminine traits, shows that we need to move beyond the binary gender system. We need to recognize other aspects of our personality as being as or more important in defining our identity than gender.

I saw that lesbian women and straight men had more in common in some areas than they both do with straight women. Gay men and myself as a straight women have a lot more in common in some areas. Both lesbian women and straight men are attracted to and honor the sexuality of women. Both straight women and gay men honor the sexuality of men.

I could really stand to learn some things about myself and the opposite sex by imagining what it's like to be gay.

In conclusion, I saw that there are many other things which define our personality as much, or even more than what it means to be gender. In the future, I will be happy to have both feminine and masculine traits. I will work hard at work, even though it could be perceived as different and others think I act like a straight man or a dyke.

I really honored all aspects of sexuality last night, and feel that gender should be cast out to instead define ourselves by more important things, such as who we are attracted to, and what gender we feel we are like on the inside, and more.

My second big insight was to acknowledge that a lot of happiness in our psychology comes from the biological drive to make babies. I've always been afraid of babies, and never wanted one myself. My thoughts about babies are basically "Get that thing away from me!" Now, I still don't want babies, but I can see how satisfying it would be to the human mind to have a family.

Wanting someone to depend on us and look up at us with honor and love in their eyes is almost so natural it's like a part of ourselves.

I recognize the value in starting a family. I'm still going to go on my own journey and discover what I want out of life. I wouldn't be surprised if not having babies is what I want to. But there's a place in my heart that recognizes the value in having a family, and helps me understand some of the drives I feel within myself.

I think this realization helped me understand my 20s more, and see how my feelings fit in place with the greater human saga.

With that, I'd like to share one last lesson I learned last night. The world hands us everything, and I mean everything that we want. If we can work for it. If we can accept our circumstances, all of our desires exist in that moment. Everything that is attainable is attained in those pure moments of enlightenment on psychedelics.

Take the time out of daily life to reach those moments through psychedelics, so we can really appreciate the fullness of life. Work to integrate that knowingness into real life. By doing so, we can enhance the three dimensional experience.


At the same time that you are given access to everything, the only trade off is the loss of youth. I'm young, but I know that with each victory and journey that I gain, I will have to pay for it with my youth. That is the only loss when it comes to life. I'm still wrapping my mind around this, and hope I will find the silver lining. Since I've been young, it feels like life gives and gives and gives. But I've come to realize that you do have to pay. So that's something I'll think about.


On cacti, my mind feels like pure light like never before. It was a joy to sift through all aspects of my personality, shining my light on my thoughts. I highly recommend it to anyone :) I'd say the only downside was the nauseousness that comes with eating chips. But grandfather cacti was a wonderful teacher, and am glad to have the opportunity to work through some of the weirdness in my mind.

Any thoughts or comments are welcome, I'd like to know if you have any thoughts :) This trip was very psychological, so this is a peak into my mind. Recognize that I'm being vulnerable here, so please respond accordingly by being nice :)

Take care!
 
Nice report, I like the auto-analyse and push things forward tone to it.
Although the youth paying part I'm not sure. Do you mean youth in health/body or just naive/psychological ?
 
Hey Corazon,

One of the greatest things about cactus, IMHO, is it's mysterious synchronicity. In the past there have been times when a dose of cactus just completely swept me off my feet and taken me for a ride I could have never imagined.

It sounds like you got the perfect dose! ^ Very meditative and insightful by the looks of it.

Was wonderful reading your trip report!
 
rOm said:
Nice report, I like the auto-analyse and push things forward tone to it.
Although the youth paying part I'm not sure. Do you mean youth in health/body or just naive/psychological ?

Was thinking about health/body. Do you have any comments on this?
 
۩ said:
Hey Corazon,

One of the greatest things about cactus, IMHO, is it's mysterious synchronicity. In the past there have been times when a dose of cactus just completely swept me off my feet and taken me for a ride I could have never imagined.

It sounds like you got the perfect dose! ^ Very meditative and insightful by the looks of it.

Was wonderful reading your trip report!

Thanks, house :) Maybe you should go by the more heartwarming "home" sometimes, just a thought. P.S. I had your avatar as my desktop pic for a while, a while back :) <-That sentence was weird because there were 2 words repeated, but it's still good!
 
joedirt said:
Nice report. Was there any nausea?

Peace

Yes, although it was especially strong at the beginning. Whenever I thought about eating the chips I would dry heave :p As the trip wore on, I guess it sort of integrated with the whole experience and my feelings. It didn't really bother me much at that point.
 
Pandora said:
Wow, great report jungleheart. Amazing experience and profound insights. What is it about cactii/mescaline that seems to point to unity and sameness and oneness rather than stressing difference? Truly wonderful and inspirational. <3<3<3

Thanks, Pandora. I think it did do wonders for merging the two poles within myself on various topics. I guess a lot of distress dissipates when we can take the middle path. Thank you for your comments :)
 
jungleheart said:
rOm said:
Nice report, I like the auto-analyse and push things forward tone to it.
Although the youth paying part I'm not sure. Do you mean youth in health/body or just naive/psychological ?

Was thinking about health/body. Do you have any comments on this?

I don't really know if my aging process goes that further physically.
I'm not the only one here who look younger.
But on the other hand I sound older.
Quite odd innit ?

Glad you're back on board ;)
 
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