I got kinda teary eyed reading this. Also because I know all about childhood trauma and learning to relax when taking that Dmt journey. Learning to let yourself go to the experience and feeling when you take the first inhale after it makes you feel nervous really does heal and help so much and after healing from what I'm understanding from you comes intelligence and to seek how life is ritualistic in the terms of the goat being willingly slaughtered. That concept and me imagining such a thing makes me feel like I'm the goat and understanding the Love of God , whereas this physical body is not the end but only a part of a much more beautiful existence as Gods Love is immense and incomprehensible and this body of mine would be wise to submit the ego to God or Love as that is where one truly sees .  Lol, I just found this forum a few days ago and signed up and already the amount of information and support here is simply awesome...lol y'all got me tearing up over here (x