Terrified first timer

[elendir]

So I did it. After years of experimenting with LSD I thought I was prepared. I was not.

I started with ~5mg in my GVG just to find out what the character of the substance is like, just to get to know each other. It brought nice visuals and pleasant feeling which was encouraging. Thirty minutes later, I thought I was ready, put 18mg in the GVG and took a massive toke.

Even before I finished the toke, everything became tetris-like, as made from little squares. I remember putting my GVG down, but as soon as I did that, I no longer understood what the GVG was and why it was lying there near me. And then it began.

I was overwhelmed by the experience of losing control (and myself) and it was terrifying. My mind was screaming "No, no, I'm not prepared for this, god what have I done". Then I reminded myself that this can (worst case scenario) only last for fifteen minutes max and it calmed me down a little. Everytime I panicked I tried to remember it will soon be over. At one moment I remember going through the pulsing membrane into a different visuals, letting go and laughing out loud. That was awesome, but lasted for maybe 5 seconds and then I was kicked back to the familiar "Shit, I totally lost it, I'm going to die" experience. I finally came back to my body and I was fine.

Well it's been a week and yesterday I decided to try again. But I was already scared so I only used 15mg. It was enough to take me to the pulsing membrane and to the "Fuck I'm dying" feeling and it was even worse then before. I was thinking "You idiot, why have you done this, now you'll have to go through all the horrors again". Then I opened my eyes and I saw my room and I knew I already passed the peak and I was sooo greatful that I only did 15mg and didn't have to go through the hell again.

I'm going to try again when I feel ready. Any advice on how to overcome that type of fear is highly appreciated.

 

[tseuq]

Welcome to the nexus elendir and thank you for sharing your first experiences with this alkaloid.

Any advice on how to overcome that type of fear is highly appreciated.

What do you mean by overcome? In my experience some kind of arousal before blasting off remains, still, acceptance (of the fear and everything you experience) and full commitment to the DMT experience seem to be helpful changing your valuation of what is (coming up).
There is no need to hurry, take your time, or lets say ... time will take you.

All the best, tseuq

 

[0110101001100011]

Surrender you must.

 

[NotTwo]

As tseuq and jayrocco say, it's all about surrendering yourself to the experience.

I'd classify possible reactions to the experience into these 3 options:

1. rejection - "no, this can't be happening to me!"
2. the split (my terminology) - the bizarreness of dmt happens and you're there as a separate observer
3. total acceptance - you are in total oneness with whatever happens, however extreme it gets

I don't think there's anyone who hasn't had at least a taste of all 3 of these. #1 will nearly always be a horror story. That's not to say you won't learn from it but never a comfortable ride. #2 is so easy to fall into and I'd suggest that even great psychedelic adventurers such as Terence McKenna didn't really get beyond this. #3 is where the truest lessons can be learned - the opportunity to understand the ultimate nature of one's being.

Acceptance is such a weird thing because there's sort of no intellectual path or preparation technique to get there. It's a product of your sincerity and the honesty you bring to the experience. I know when it comes on strong for me, I can sometimes sort of bombard the experience with love (can't find another way of expressing it). It's like love and acceptance are the same thing at some level and it gets the self-protecting ego thing out the way.

Sending good vibes for the next time.

 

[Jees]

You can make changa to step in softer.
Or smoke first some puff (freebase) harmalas and after that the spice.

If you are committed to the road, you are going to like to work with rue and caapi too. You can drink their salt & freebase form (and wait for it to kick in) or smoke the freebase form (and no need to wait).

If you don't like to make extracts of the rue or caapi, make a tea from it (well thats an extract too actually :lol: ). Drink it (+wait to kick in) or evap to dry and smoke it (will be harsher though).

 

[DMT_Tom]

Hey and welcome!

I feel you. DMT is not a drug, its just the weirdest thing ever!
I have had 5 enveloping yet completely unique deep blasts, and several smaller experimental single hits over the past 3 weeks. And i have begun to notice a consistent behavior pattern of sharp nervousness and rapid raise in heaet beat, even as i merely lift the pipe to my mouth. This actually is the most logical, proper reaction. If you are finding yourself feeling this way, here is what i would share:

1. Judge your level of pre flight panic. I would never blast off until breathing and heart rate are stabilized and controlled. A little elevated is ok, but rapid thumping and rapid breathing are a terrible way to go into dmt. If the panic does not go down (please take your time) and you cannot get into a confident mental place, totally don't smoke, please trust me on that.

2. Make sure that you feel good about your life and in a safe place, physically. Your mind has enormous power: if it is clouded and burdened by serious troubling things and negative perceptions about yourself, you're asking for another hell-like horror trip which, as it seems from your report, you have unfortunately become acquainted with

3. When you are, inevitably, deeply moved and feel "scarred" by the experience, its ok you can get help and always there will be wise people to help you work through it. This is the part where life lessons can be applied. My Lesson tonight was that in the crazy trip known as real life, anything crazy or uncomfortable situation can be forged with courage, awe and going with the flow (not fighting against stuff you cannot control)

I suppose thats part of our integration. After the impossible insane hallucinations fade from memory, its entirely within your power to structure or FRAME your experience(s) in a positive light, even the horrific ones! That was a lesson i had to learn the hard way, but such a desirable lesson that sunk home due to its potency.

Any other advice, guys?

Thanks for sharing Elendir!

 

[elendir]

1. rejection - "no, this can't be happening to me!"

It's funny isn't it? I deliberately put myself in that place, then react with rejection. Then I do it again, same story. And still, I know I will do it again.

Thank you everyone for your valuable advice and support. You say surrender and acceptance is the way to go and deep inside I feel you're right. I'll take my time.

 

[○]

Surrender you must.

This pretty much sums it up.

The experience can be incomprehensibly powerful. If sufficient it can blow any expectations you might have to pieces. Learn to trust in the experience, no matter what it may bring up or how it might present itself. You'll be okay.

Also, (and I know this might sound counter-intuitive) when you think you can't take another toke .......take another toke. If you're in a place teetering between both worlds, that extra toke can push you out of that and fully into Hyperspace. Kind of a persistent shoving of sorts.. :d

 

[mchance]

I know the feeling all too well.

One MUST just let go.. and one MUST know in order to let go that whatever your experiencing is actually the very end of your trip and knowing that helps ALOT! the finer details between what you think lasted 2 minutes but was acturally 7-10 minutes will come to you the next few days.

I too was afraid especially my 2nd time doing it, it took me damn near 5 minutes with lighter already lit and near the bong bowl before i had the courage to light it, but something just told me to light it.

dont give up, let go, dont fight! just go! you will return thats for sure and you will be a much better person after Guaranteed.

Using small amounts DOES NOT HELP! just puts you between 2 worlds which is the worst part! you want to get to where you are going not stop mid way. You dont put half the gas you need in your car to get a a destination do you?


the unknown is always scary but if your so afraid each time and panicking you wount learn or see much more than your struggle to get back out.

just advise

 

[Ashakma]

I would add another parameter. The dose.
For me, the pre-breaktrough doses are more likely to produce panic. I'm not trying to tell you that you must overdose with DMT, you know yourself better than I do. ANd you do right starting with low doses.
In my personal experience, under 40mg, I got anxiety. Above, it disappears, letting me no choice than just accepting th experience.

Another idea : are you a chronic user of cannabis ?

 

[Sabnock1990]

Harmalas can help out a good bit

 

[Jees]

I relate to much of what is said but there's something funny about it:
people advocating to surrender and give in, coming to length to avoid the "most difficult" phase. How about surrender to the "in between - worst part"?

My pharma's are about this phase for hours, there seldom is break trough and BT is usually not my aim with pharma. (To each his own)

The difficulty in the "worst part" has more than a silver lining IMO.
It's the phase where one is not anesthetized by a huge dose and one becomes aware what it really feels like to be subjected to "energy". People tend to panic over it because they have never before felt soo much/intense. I believe there is experiential gain to harvest here in this kind of facing of an endurance. That gain extend to the sessions where one does go deeper, being beefed up. Just my take on it.

 

[Ashakma]

It's the phase where one is not anesthetized by a huge dose and one becomes aware what it really feels like to be subjected to "energy". People tend to panic over it because they have never before felt soo much/intense.

I agree with this vision to a certain extent. The fact that on the coming up of the experience you keep your ego in place authorizes your mind to witness this level of energy, the violence of it.

However, IMO, the physical feelings play a huge role in that. Let's assume you're walking on the street, and your heart starts tachycarding and your blood pressure increase in less than 10s. Your brain is gonna interpret it as panic and react consequently (not even talking about breathlessness). This is exactly what happens at the beginning of the journey, plus the pre fliht anxiety.

All these parameters combined are very likely to produce panic attack. When I am on a journey, during these few seconds between the exhalation and the hyperspace, the first thing I always realize (even if I know it before) is that it's to much to handle for me. Then I'm just reapeting myself "it's part of the experience, you knew it, calm down and take the experience as a gift" for like 4-5 times. Reassuring myself this way with this voice in my head helps me a lot to give up and finally go beyond the membrane. It may be naive, but self reassurance as simple as that is more effective on me than a fuzzy idea about how to give up

That beeing said, I talk again about dosage. If it's too low, the chances to breakthrough are diminished. So the risk is just to have to reassure yourself for a too long time, loosing in efficiency, and finally beeing stuck in the middle world where you are just puzzled

 

[elendir]

Another idea : are you a chronic user of cannabis ?

No, I'm only occasional user of any recreational stuff.

people advocating to surrender and give in, coming to length to avoid the "most difficult" phase. How about surrender to the "in between - worst part"?

So you say even the very experienced users (say after dozens of attempts), still have unpleasant feelings in the "in between" part and try not to get stuck in there?

 

[Ashakma]

even the very experienced users (say after dozens of attempts), still have unpleasant feelings in the "in between" part and try not to get stuck in there?

I think there are two worlds and there. In between, it's a shifting, puzzling place, with too much ego and self judgement, quite scary

 

[Jees]

...So you say even the very experienced users (say after dozens of attempts), still have unpleasant feelings in the "in between" part and try not to get stuck in there?

That feeling (the in-between body load) does not go anywhere by repetition. And it's a well known reason for people to jump over it by a higher dose.

Personally in my pharma's I make a drill of it getting familiar with the feeling. Many drill exercise are looking stupid, be it vocal exercises for singing, finger-exercises on the piano, body work out exercises for enhancing sport, all those drill looks non productive and useless on it's own, until you go for the real deal, then they show incredible effect.

That is why I proclaim rehabilitation for the in-between-worlds body load terrible feeling status. If you can familiarize with the feeling (do the drill), it doesn't get nicer but less of a t hing to make a problem of, more acquainted, and it pays of when you do go deeper.

Imagine, you go in and take a higher dose in "fear" that you will meet that "terrible" feeling, hoping to jump over it. You enter with a doubt or fear already! You make yourself attractable for "energies" who will play with that given fact in your face. You create a vulnerability in your start sequence.

just my thoughts.

 

[tseuq]

... or just drop all concepts.

.. and come out with us to play, mind can be really freaking.

However, everything is set up just perfectly!

One in the now, tseuq