Welcome my friend!  I can totally relate to the lonely feeling that you describe as far as being surrounded by what you think is good company to later find out that it isn't what you were looking for all along...to live an illusion and be slapped by reality...sure does hurt to find out maybe I haven't been living my life to the fullest because of all this crap that I have allowed in the first place...how did I let myself get to this point?

So changing things; breaking cycles is what it comes to after this point...but is this what I really want?

I'm with you as far as knowing, not believing, but truly knowing that our role here in this existence is a microcosm of the whole...and that everything that I have experienced thus far is "how it is supposed to be" and I wouldn't be here as the person I am without deciding to walk the road less traveled. 

Sounds like your heart is on the right path and I know your in for some inneffable experiences when you decide to forgo...Good luck on your journey as we both know its not an easy one