sansans
Rising Star
the best i can piece it together coherently without embellishing murky memories. i myself haven't read many others first experiences, especially if they were nearly this long. but hey, why else am i here if not to share? oh yeah, to communicate with others on making it (hinthint)... though after this i'll make it a point to read others' first steps.
my friend made the experience a good one. we talked for awhile in a place i'd never been before, in someone's room with a couple cats. we listened to music and to a few impressions others had of the spice. a little THC was done. it was dim and surprisingly relaxing.
i sit on a bed, lights are turned off. i take a small hit to taste, to see how it would come on. not much, i take another... i'm sitting up on a bed, can't tell if anything is happening. i take a final rip. there are lights swept across the ceiling from outside, i can't stop looking at them for some reason. something isn't the same about them, i can't tell what. soon i can't tell what i'm looking at (like when you say a word too many times and it sounds wrong), and i look around to orient myself. except this doesn't exactly happen, i instead focus my attention to other things juuust within my field of vision/ in my peripheral. something is moving/changing in the darkness, as it happens, the things that were "really" in front of me (a dresser, some books) was actually a feature or a texture of the entity repositioning in front of me. it was like looking into a 'magic eye' or the "young-girl/old-woman" illusion- my eyes were reevaluating the actual material space in front of me, from which had emerged the entity gesturing with it's hand for me to "come"
__((this is when i think i stopped breathing, but i couldn't tell if i was or wasn't. i felt my heart rate shooot up. i tried to close my eyes but i couldn't tell if they were open or closed.))__
i felt as if it had always been there watching, and i was only then able to see it. do you ever talk to yourself? i thought i did quite often, but i felt suddenly that i never once spoke to myself without also speaking to this figure. we had a connection. i followed my friends advice and didn't fight, just watched as this figure moved in front of me, it was dancing. i felt humbled to the point that it was almost threatening, but instead closer to totally annihilating w/o the ego protectionism. almost nonbeing (almost, but not entirely because this was all still happening to "me", this consciousness that is I). this shook everything i was capable of feeling in these moments, i was completely lost in time and space. i was somewhere/time else and the dancer in front of me, i began seeing, was not alone. there were many around.
some took notice of me and i could feel their appendages as warmth, maybe perhaps as pressures too but definitely warmth (sometimes i thought they were arms, other times dark shadows) moving around my neck, back, shoulders. i was hunched over, i dropped my head a bit and felt my body slowly rise and fall, my body was glowing light (i came in and out of feeling/knowing my body. at times, i was completely disassociated from it. i def forgot about it a first). they were moving my body simulating breathing... and i noticed/remembered to breathe, but i couldn't exactly tell if i was or wasn't. from this i gathered they meant no harm though, and i looked back up and around (all my movements were veeeery slow, i didn't want to frighten them and i myself couldn't handle any more than what was already happening). others seemed more ambiguous. we were in, the only way i can describe it, some room of a palace, strangely colored and dark (not as in absence of light, but like, a reconstitution of light), and the other beings seemed to be lounging.
why? what were they all doing there? it couldn't have been they were waiting for me, i felt a few of them were not interested in me and that they didn't really want me there. yet i also felt like a couple of the dancers were trying to tell me otherwise, they wanted me to be there and i felt they were communicating with the other more ambiguous figures about me, to let me know the others wouldn't cause problems... "unless what?" i remained scared to move. they were highly sensitive to my presence, and i was worried if i moved i might set one of them off, i might break a rule or act out of conduct or something kind of equivalent to disrespect (except the consequences? who could say what they'd be?). i didn't even think to speak. i focused on a few that were easier to see, they looked like dancing females. i wouldn't call them human, but there was something feminine about them, their shape(i thought it was a little strange that i was seeing women).
i focused on "breathing" when it all became too unbearably insane. i could hear around me the sounds of breathing too, i couldn't see where from. i thought it might be my friend, but i was hearing many. dilemma: if i didn't fight it, i let go and accepted it, not just superficially, but truly accept that this world was real. this scared me, because i felt i was wagering my sanity and that ultimately i might actually end up back on earth and would soon be taking the bus (which felt totally unreal). yet if i denied them, then i was interacting with invisible people and i was still wagering my sanity. at this point, there was no believing otherwise though, and i felt gratitude for having been there with them. i felt distinctly that this is something i could never forget, no matter what, i had to remember the reality of other side. somewhere/time around this point, i looked intimately at the dancer's line/light/gradient body and got lost in a rut... i'm not sure what was happening at this point, i experienced a lot of racing images/thoughts i can't quite recall. included in this were also racing questions, which were being answered for/by me. i remember towards the end, concluding something about the responsibility and power we have as humans to affect one another, this made moving my body nothing more than a very scary possibility. as the questions concluded themselves, i felt myself emerging, a will, "I CAN MOVE!" and my arm began moving, or jerking rather, though i couldn't feel myself do it. this flung me back into some more familiar reality of me in a room on a bed with my friend, and from the upright position, i fell backwards into the bed and some pillows.
the thoughts began to slow down and become more familiarly my own. at this point, since i felt i was thinking by myself, i felt the message was becoming more convoluted and i stopped thinking.
my friend made the experience a good one. we talked for awhile in a place i'd never been before, in someone's room with a couple cats. we listened to music and to a few impressions others had of the spice. a little THC was done. it was dim and surprisingly relaxing.
i sit on a bed, lights are turned off. i take a small hit to taste, to see how it would come on. not much, i take another... i'm sitting up on a bed, can't tell if anything is happening. i take a final rip. there are lights swept across the ceiling from outside, i can't stop looking at them for some reason. something isn't the same about them, i can't tell what. soon i can't tell what i'm looking at (like when you say a word too many times and it sounds wrong), and i look around to orient myself. except this doesn't exactly happen, i instead focus my attention to other things juuust within my field of vision/ in my peripheral. something is moving/changing in the darkness, as it happens, the things that were "really" in front of me (a dresser, some books) was actually a feature or a texture of the entity repositioning in front of me. it was like looking into a 'magic eye' or the "young-girl/old-woman" illusion- my eyes were reevaluating the actual material space in front of me, from which had emerged the entity gesturing with it's hand for me to "come"
__((this is when i think i stopped breathing, but i couldn't tell if i was or wasn't. i felt my heart rate shooot up. i tried to close my eyes but i couldn't tell if they were open or closed.))__
i felt as if it had always been there watching, and i was only then able to see it. do you ever talk to yourself? i thought i did quite often, but i felt suddenly that i never once spoke to myself without also speaking to this figure. we had a connection. i followed my friends advice and didn't fight, just watched as this figure moved in front of me, it was dancing. i felt humbled to the point that it was almost threatening, but instead closer to totally annihilating w/o the ego protectionism. almost nonbeing (almost, but not entirely because this was all still happening to "me", this consciousness that is I). this shook everything i was capable of feeling in these moments, i was completely lost in time and space. i was somewhere/time else and the dancer in front of me, i began seeing, was not alone. there were many around.
some took notice of me and i could feel their appendages as warmth, maybe perhaps as pressures too but definitely warmth (sometimes i thought they were arms, other times dark shadows) moving around my neck, back, shoulders. i was hunched over, i dropped my head a bit and felt my body slowly rise and fall, my body was glowing light (i came in and out of feeling/knowing my body. at times, i was completely disassociated from it. i def forgot about it a first). they were moving my body simulating breathing... and i noticed/remembered to breathe, but i couldn't exactly tell if i was or wasn't. from this i gathered they meant no harm though, and i looked back up and around (all my movements were veeeery slow, i didn't want to frighten them and i myself couldn't handle any more than what was already happening). others seemed more ambiguous. we were in, the only way i can describe it, some room of a palace, strangely colored and dark (not as in absence of light, but like, a reconstitution of light), and the other beings seemed to be lounging.
why? what were they all doing there? it couldn't have been they were waiting for me, i felt a few of them were not interested in me and that they didn't really want me there. yet i also felt like a couple of the dancers were trying to tell me otherwise, they wanted me to be there and i felt they were communicating with the other more ambiguous figures about me, to let me know the others wouldn't cause problems... "unless what?" i remained scared to move. they were highly sensitive to my presence, and i was worried if i moved i might set one of them off, i might break a rule or act out of conduct or something kind of equivalent to disrespect (except the consequences? who could say what they'd be?). i didn't even think to speak. i focused on a few that were easier to see, they looked like dancing females. i wouldn't call them human, but there was something feminine about them, their shape(i thought it was a little strange that i was seeing women).
i focused on "breathing" when it all became too unbearably insane. i could hear around me the sounds of breathing too, i couldn't see where from. i thought it might be my friend, but i was hearing many. dilemma: if i didn't fight it, i let go and accepted it, not just superficially, but truly accept that this world was real. this scared me, because i felt i was wagering my sanity and that ultimately i might actually end up back on earth and would soon be taking the bus (which felt totally unreal). yet if i denied them, then i was interacting with invisible people and i was still wagering my sanity. at this point, there was no believing otherwise though, and i felt gratitude for having been there with them. i felt distinctly that this is something i could never forget, no matter what, i had to remember the reality of other side. somewhere/time around this point, i looked intimately at the dancer's line/light/gradient body and got lost in a rut... i'm not sure what was happening at this point, i experienced a lot of racing images/thoughts i can't quite recall. included in this were also racing questions, which were being answered for/by me. i remember towards the end, concluding something about the responsibility and power we have as humans to affect one another, this made moving my body nothing more than a very scary possibility. as the questions concluded themselves, i felt myself emerging, a will, "I CAN MOVE!" and my arm began moving, or jerking rather, though i couldn't feel myself do it. this flung me back into some more familiar reality of me in a room on a bed with my friend, and from the upright position, i fell backwards into the bed and some pillows.
the thoughts began to slow down and become more familiarly my own. at this point, since i felt i was thinking by myself, i felt the message was becoming more convoluted and i stopped thinking.
