Members of the previous forum can retrieve their temporary password here, (login and check your PM).

Reply to thread

Message

I had once a pharmahuasca of 200mg harmalaHCL, then an unknown time in between as it is too long ago, then followed by 450 mg freebase D that was due cleaning out a little container. All of the energy turned out as a suffering and I wished to be dead to make it stop.
The biggest mistake was that I was tired when embarking. I was not able to conduct the flow, like a little copper wire that got too much electricity trough it. I could only burn, for hours.

It was not only physically demolishing as a feeling but I got an answer to the question why I lived as a being in these realms, the key to my existing and that answer was everything I didn't want to hear because it was the most perverted reason imaginable, so there I got also a psychological whoopass as an extra push in pain valley.

I remember the phase to be able to determine a tree in the garden trough the window. I begged to "this realm" as if it was a raft while I was drowning in pain. Never before I had so much hope and relief to see a glimpse of this earthly layer. Since then I consider the thought that this earthly layer of existence, which we easily condemn due confinements and limitations, could as well be a safe "parking spot" to be in. With many limitations that act as safeguards rather than a jail. Because without limitations all is possible and that ain't necessarily nice.

Later I learned to integrate the lesson, especially the painful psychological one. As I look at it now, it was not fully wrong, it was poorly/one sided interpreted. During that trip I engaged in the worst possible interpretation. Probably that way it could feed itself in a self affirming circle, a self affirming truth, a looping effect. I made it worse than necessary and fueled the shock myself unaware.

Later, talking to buddies about their worst trips, the item of not being well rested or suffering from accumulated sleep deprivation, a disturbed bio rhythm ..., returned as a common ground. It's an ideal hummus for things going potentially south. Your armor is gone, your resilience is a rusty pile of gears.
Sometimes this might open doors positively too I'm sure of that, but it's a bit russian roulette with a bazooka.

Do I consider this a bad trip? Yeah and no, according how to label it. I did learn things otherwise impossible, insights that help me put things in perspective.
Would I do it again? Absolutely no, it was utter torment.

<blockquote data-quote="Jees" data-source="post: 3951454" data-attributes="member: 15603">I had once a pharmahuasca of 200mg harmalaHCL, then an unknown time in between as it is too long ago, then followed by 450 mg freebase D that was due cleaning out a little container. All of the energy turned out as a suffering and I wished to be dead to make it stop. The biggest mistake was that I was tired when embarking. I was not able to conduct the flow, like a little copper wire that got too much electricity trough it. I could only burn, for hours.It was not only physically demolishing as a feeling but I got an answer to the question why I lived as a being in these realms, the key to my existing and that answer was everything I didn&#039;t want to hear because it was the most perverted reason imaginable, so there I got also a psychological whoopass as an extra push in pain valley.I remember the phase to be able to determine a tree in the garden trough the window. I&nbsp; begged to &quot;this realm&quot; as if it was a raft while I was drowning in pain. Never before I had so much hope and relief to see a glimpse of this earthly layer. Since then I consider the thought that this earthly layer of existence, which we easily condemn due confinements and limitations, could as well be a safe &quot;parking spot&quot; to be in. With many limitations that act as safeguards rather than a jail. Because without limitations all is possible and that ain&#039;t necessarily nice. Later I learned to integrate the lesson, especially the painful psychological one. As I look at it now, it was not fully wrong, it was poorly/one sided interpreted. During that trip I engaged in the worst possible interpretation. Probably that way it could feed itself in a self affirming circle, a self affirming truth, a looping effect.&nbsp; I made it worse than necessary and fueled the shock myself unaware.Later, talking to buddies about their worst trips, the item of not being well rested or suffering from accumulated sleep deprivation, a disturbed bio rhythm ...,&nbsp; returned as a common ground. It&#039;s an ideal hummus for things going potentially south. Your armor is gone, your resilience is a rusty pile of gears. Sometimes this might open doors positively too I&#039;m sure of that, but it&#039;s a bit russian roulette with a bazooka.Do I consider this a bad trip? Yeah and no, according how to label it. I did learn things otherwise impossible, insights that help me put things in perspective.Would I do it again? Absolutely no, it was utter torment.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Jees, post: 3951454, member: 15603"] I had once a pharmahuasca of 200mg harmalaHCL, then an unknown time in between as it is too long ago, then followed by 450 mg freebase D that was due cleaning out a little container. All of the energy turned out as a suffering and I wished to be dead to make it stop. The biggest mistake was that I was tired when embarking. I was not able to conduct the flow, like a little copper wire that got too much electricity trough it. I could only burn, for hours. It was not only physically demolishing as a feeling but I got an answer to the question why I lived as a being in these realms, the key to my existing and that answer was everything I didn't want to hear because it was the most perverted reason imaginable, so there I got also a psychological whoopass as an extra push in pain valley. I remember the phase to be able to determine a tree in the garden trough the window. I begged to "this realm" as if it was a raft while I was drowning in pain. Never before I had so much hope and relief to see a glimpse of this earthly layer. Since then I consider the thought that this earthly layer of existence, which we easily condemn due confinements and limitations, could as well be a safe "parking spot" to be in. With many limitations that act as safeguards rather than a jail. Because without limitations all is possible and that ain't necessarily nice. Later I learned to integrate the lesson, especially the painful psychological one. As I look at it now, it was not fully wrong, it was poorly/one sided interpreted. During that trip I engaged in the worst possible interpretation. Probably that way it could feed itself in a self affirming circle, a self affirming truth, a looping effect. I made it worse than necessary and fueled the shock myself unaware. Later, talking to buddies about their worst trips, the item of not being well rested or suffering from accumulated sleep deprivation, a disturbed bio rhythm ..., returned as a common ground. It's an ideal hummus for things going potentially south. Your armor is gone, your resilience is a rusty pile of gears. Sometimes this might open doors positively too I'm sure of that, but it's a bit russian roulette with a bazooka. Do I consider this a bad trip? Yeah and no, according how to label it. I did learn things otherwise impossible, insights that help me put things in perspective. Would I do it again? Absolutely no, it was utter torment. [/QUOTE]