Part 2

So even though after my last experience shrooms were no longer a party drug to me, I did use them on another party occasion. It was an indoor electro event, and I was expecting to have as much fun as I had on the festival. It turned out to be a huge disappointment, but nonetheless one from which I yet again learned a great deal. First and foremost I realised that festivals are not the same as indoor parties. Whilst on psychedelics, an essential condition (at least to me) is that I need to feel at ease at all times. I like to have everything I could possibly want during my trip immediately at hand, so that when I feel a need for it, not too much effort is required. These are simple things, such as a relaxing joint, a sip of cool water, or being able to sit and rest my feet for a while. If it takes too much effort, I tend to stress out and become so focused on this one thing that I stop enjoying myself until I get it. Anyway, these conditions were not met at this party. Because it was a big event with many different halls, there was a huge audience, so there were waiting lines everywhere (at the entrance, halls, bar, toilets...), the halls were so crowded that you almost couldn't move, resulting in an insanely hot temperature, and to top it off there wasn't a single place to sit. To have a moment of coolness, you needed to return to the main hall, meaning you had to wait in line another 30 minutes to enjoy the shows again. I'm sure I don't need to explain the horrors of standing in a tightly packed waiting line whilst tripping. It was the exact opposite of a festival, where you can just go from show to show as you please, find some less crowded areas, and take all the time you want to chill on the cool grass, toke a joint, and just appreciatingly observe everything going on. Completely disgusted by the anti-chillness, me and the friend I was there with left the event around midnight, returning home on foot, determined to have a grand adventure on the way. It took us two hours, and we had (lots) more fun on that walk than we had inside.

So despite of not having enjoyed the party, I am still grateful for this experience, for it taught me the importance of a chill setting and the right mindset. My previous experiences had all been very positive, and it was only through having a negative experience that I realised what constitutes a good one. Psychedelics by themselves are not a guarantee for a good time (as opposed to hedonistic drugs such as ecstacy, which I've done years ago but now consider to be too easy). Whether one has a good time or not depends almost entirely on what one makes of it, how one shapes the experience and how one handles it. Psychedelics require some effort from its user, and this made me appreciate them even further. Only the worthy will reap the full rewards. It might be a bit elitist, but in this case I believe that to be a good thing. Having learned this, I knew that I was still not worthy enough. I'd had some fun and revelations, sure, but I was certain there were still many lessons to be learned; pieces that, once fallen into place, would result in an even more mind-blowing psychedelic experience, which would in turn result in a better understanding of myself and all of existence. I felt like my quest had only just begun, and this amazed me, for the possibilities seemed infinite.

Then came the ban on shrooms in the Netherlands, where I had always got them from. I still remember the feeling that came over me when I heard that news. A feeling of unjustness, as if I were robbed of one of my vital organs. Up until my discovery of shrooms, I would occasionally go through periods during which I just wasn't motivated to keep going. The shrooms had put me on a lifelong quest for enlightenment, and I've never felt depressed ever since (PS: I've since discovered other motivations too, so it's not like I solely live my life from trip to trip, but it's the shrooms that were the turning point, and for that I am forever in their debt). The psychedelic experience had had such a huge positive impact on my life, I would not simply give it up because some ignorant authority had decided for me that "psychedelics = drugs, drugs = bad, ergo psychedelics = bad". So the moment the opportunity arose, I got myself some LSD.

Obviously, to be continued...