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Part 4 - Ayahuasca

I see it's been a year and a half since I last posted my experiences. I'll have to update my story since much has happened since.

Despite my love/hate relationship with LSD, I've had quite some more experiences with it, both in private and social settings, and I've become capable of largely dismissing its negative effects such as paranoia. I now know very much when the time is right, when mindset and setting align in such a way that only psychedelics can unlock that feeling of "meant to be"-ness. Lately I'm having difficulties finding good acid, but that makes it all the more rewarding when I finally do. Besides, in my experience doing LSD too frequently takes away much of its magic. I've definitely come to appreciate it a lot and look forward to the few times a year I use it.

But as I mentioned above in this thread, my journey had only just begun. After reading these forums, I had obviously become fascinated with DMT. I still haven't done an extraction yet (since I'm currently sharing a house and I this is something I'd rather do when I have a place on my own) but I have done quite a few ayahuasca sessions.

As with many other people, my first few aya tryouts were failures, but I was determined to keep trying. And I'm glad I did. Because once I got the hang of it, I had discovered a teacher unlike any I'd ever had before. Whereas shrooms and LSD trips were mostly directed outwards, ayahuasca went completely inwards. Ayahuasca's visual and auditory effects were much weaker compared to other substances - almost absent even - and at first this disappointed me a bit. The reason I loved psychedelics so much at the time was because of their ability to amaze my sensoral perception as if I were a newborn child, and this horrible tasting tea just didn't seem to do such a thing. But after I got more acquainted with the stuff, a whole different kind of amazement was to reveal itself to me.

I was shocked not by my surroundings nor my perception of them, but by my thoughts. During my aya sessions, I would become aware of all kinds of things that I would normally do/think subconsciously. I began analyzing all these thoughts and actions. I began questioning them, questioning my entire personality, and by extension life as a whole. It dawned on me that most of our thoughts/actions indeed happened automatically, as governed by our selfish genes. Once more I felt - rather than simply understood - Darwinian theory of evolution by natural selection in action. Free will seemed almost non-existant in this cosmic game of struggle, survival and reproduction.

At first it was a hard pill to swallow that we are bound by our evolutionary history, that there is no escaping the program - and its inherent limits - we are born in. But over time, I've developed a profound gratefulness for these limits, for it is they that allow the exploration through the senses of the wonderful ecstacy that is existence. And I owe this appreciation completely to psychedelics, and going too far with them. I've had my share of high doses, including an aya session of 15g mimosa. The best part about these journeys isn't the time spent on the other side (in fact that part can be quite horrific); the best part is the return to this side. When I'm having a hard time during an experience and I feel like perhaps I've taken a bit too much, I am always so happy when the world slowly starts making sense again. That experience of having your mind and preconceptions completely shattered and then built up again from scratch, piece by piece, has now become the part I most appreciate about psychedelics. It's as close to rebirth as I'll ever get.

I'd like to end this update with a McKenna quote I've found to be particularly relevant:

"I'm not saying that there's something intrinsically good about terror. I'm saying that, granted the situation, if one is not terrified then one must be somewhat out of contact with the full dynamics of what is happening. To not be terrified means either that one is a fool or that one has taken a compound that paralyzes the ability to be terrified. I have nothing against hedonism, and I certainly bring something out of it. But the experience must move one's heart, and it will not move the heart unless it deals with the issues of life and death. If it deals with life and death it will move one to fear, it will move one to tears, it will move one to laughter."

So much for my ayahuasca update. Next update: cactus!

<blockquote data-quote="Spatial Dementia" data-source="post: 3304043" data-attributes="member: 3515">Part 4 - AyahuascaI see it&#039;s been a year and a half since I last posted my experiences. I&#039;ll have to update my story since much has happened since.Despite my love/hate relationship with LSD, I&#039;ve had quite some more experiences with it, both in private and social settings, and I&#039;ve become capable of largely dismissing its negative effects such as paranoia. I now know very much when the time is right, when mindset and setting align in such a way that only psychedelics can unlock that feeling of &quot;meant to be&quot;-ness. Lately I&#039;m having difficulties finding good acid, but that makes it all the more rewarding when I finally do. Besides, in my experience doing LSD too frequently takes away much of its magic. I&#039;ve definitely come to appreciate it a lot and look forward to the few times a year I use it.But as I mentioned above in this thread, my journey had only just begun. After reading these forums, I had obviously become fascinated with DMT. I still haven&#039;t done an extraction yet (since I&#039;m currently sharing a house and I this is something I&#039;d rather do when I have a place on my own) but I have done quite a few ayahuasca sessions.As with many other people, my first few aya tryouts were failures, but I was determined to keep trying. And I&#039;m glad I did. Because once I got the hang of it, I had discovered a teacher unlike any I&#039;d ever had before. Whereas shrooms and LSD trips were mostly directed outwards, ayahuasca went completely inwards. Ayahuasca&#039;s visual and auditory effects were much weaker compared to other substances - almost absent even - and at first this disappointed me a bit. The reason I loved psychedelics so much at the time was because of their ability to amaze my sensoral perception as if I were a newborn child, and this horrible tasting tea just didn&#039;t seem to do such a thing. But after I got more acquainted with the stuff, a whole different kind of amazement was to reveal itself to me.I was shocked not by my surroundings nor my perception of them, but by my thoughts. During my aya sessions, I would become aware of all kinds of things that I would normally do/think subconsciously. I began analyzing all these thoughts and actions. I began questioning them, questioning my entire personality, and by extension life as a whole. It dawned on me that most of our thoughts/actions indeed happened automatically, as governed by our selfish genes. Once more I felt - rather than simply understood - Darwinian theory of evolution by natural selection in action. Free will seemed almost non-existant in this cosmic game of struggle, survival and reproduction.At first it was a hard pill to swallow that we are bound by our evolutionary history, that there is no escaping the program - and its inherent limits - we are born in. But over time, I&#039;ve developed a profound gratefulness for these limits, for it is they that allow the exploration through the senses of the wonderful ecstacy that is existence. And I owe this appreciation completely to psychedelics, and going too far with them. I&#039;ve had my share of high doses, including an aya session of 15g mimosa. The best part about these journeys isn&#039;t the time spent on the other side (in fact that part can be quite horrific); the best part is the return to this side. When I&#039;m having a hard time during an experience and I feel like perhaps I&#039;ve taken a bit too much, I am always so happy when the world slowly starts making sense again. That experience of having your mind and preconceptions completely shattered and then built up again from scratch, piece by piece, has now become the part I most appreciate about psychedelics. It&#039;s as close to rebirth as I&#039;ll ever get.I&#039;d like to end this update with a McKenna quote I&#039;ve found to be particularly relevant:&quot;I&#039;m not saying that there&#039;s something intrinsically good about terror. I&#039;m saying that, granted the situation, if one is not terrified then one must be somewhat out of contact with the full dynamics of what is happening. To not be terrified means either that one is a fool or that one has taken a compound that paralyzes the ability to be terrified. I have nothing against hedonism, and I certainly bring something out of it. But the experience must move one&#039;s heart, and it will not move the heart unless it deals with the issues of life and death. If it deals with life and death it will move one to fear, it will move one to tears, it will move one to laughter.&quot;So much for my ayahuasca update. Next update: cactus!</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Spatial Dementia, post: 3304043, member: 3515"] [u]Part 4 - Ayahuasca[/u] I see it's been a year and a half since I last posted my experiences. I'll have to update my story since much has happened since. Despite my love/hate relationship with LSD, I've had quite some more experiences with it, both in private and social settings, and I've become capable of largely dismissing its negative effects such as paranoia. I now know very much when the time is right, when mindset and setting align in such a way that only psychedelics can unlock that feeling of "meant to be"-ness. Lately I'm having difficulties finding good acid, but that makes it all the more rewarding when I finally do. Besides, in my experience doing LSD too frequently takes away much of its magic. I've definitely come to appreciate it a lot and look forward to the few times a year I use it. But as I mentioned above in this thread, my journey had only just begun. After reading these forums, I had obviously become fascinated with DMT. I still haven't done an extraction yet (since I'm currently sharing a house and I this is something I'd rather do when I have a place on my own) but I have done quite a few ayahuasca sessions. As with many other people, my first few aya tryouts were failures, but I was determined to keep trying. And I'm glad I did. Because once I got the hang of it, I had discovered a teacher unlike any I'd ever had before. Whereas shrooms and LSD trips were mostly directed outwards, ayahuasca went completely inwards. Ayahuasca's visual and auditory effects were much weaker compared to other substances - almost absent even - and at first this disappointed me a bit. The reason I loved psychedelics so much at the time was because of their ability to amaze my sensoral perception as if I were a newborn child, and this horrible tasting tea just didn't seem to do such a thing. But after I got more acquainted with the stuff, a whole different kind of amazement was to reveal itself to me. I was shocked not by my surroundings nor my perception of them, but by my thoughts. During my aya sessions, I would become aware of all kinds of things that I would normally do/think subconsciously. I began analyzing all these thoughts and actions. I began questioning them, questioning my entire personality, and by extension life as a whole. It dawned on me that most of our thoughts/actions indeed happened automatically, as governed by our selfish genes. Once more I felt - rather than simply understood - Darwinian theory of evolution by natural selection in action. Free will seemed almost non-existant in this cosmic game of struggle, survival and reproduction. At first it was a hard pill to swallow that we are bound by our evolutionary history, that there is no escaping the program - and its inherent limits - we are born in. But over time, I've developed a profound gratefulness for these limits, for it is they that allow the exploration through the senses of the wonderful ecstacy that is existence. And I owe this appreciation completely to psychedelics, and going too far with them. I've had my share of high doses, including an aya session of 15g mimosa. The best part about these journeys isn't the time spent on the other side (in fact that part can be quite horrific); the best part is the return to this side. When I'm having a hard time during an experience and I feel like perhaps I've taken a bit too much, I am always so happy when the world slowly starts making sense again. That experience of having your mind and preconceptions completely shattered and then built up again from scratch, piece by piece, has now become the part I most appreciate about psychedelics. It's as close to rebirth as I'll ever get. I'd like to end this update with a McKenna quote I've found to be particularly relevant: [i]"I'm not saying that there's something intrinsically good about terror. I'm saying that, granted the situation, if one is not terrified then one must be somewhat out of contact with the full dynamics of what is happening. To not be terrified means either that one is a fool or that one has taken a compound that paralyzes the ability to be terrified. I have nothing against hedonism, and I certainly bring something out of it. But the experience must move one's heart, and it will not move the heart unless it deals with the issues of life and death. If it deals with life and death it will move one to fear, it will move one to tears, it will move one to laughter."[/i] So much for my ayahuasca update. Next update: cactus! [/QUOTE]