formerly known as...
Rising Star
[color=orange:714e6cd4ef][/color:714e6cd4ef][size=9:714e6cd4ef][/size:714e6cd4ef][b:714e6cd4ef]A year ago I decided to up and leave my wife and two kids after coming to a point in my life that at the time,had me feeling that there was nothing left,I had seen,done and been through it all so there was nowhere left for me to go. Claustaphobia was a constant for me,and I couldn't shake an overwhelming urge to just SPLIT. I met a girl online(where else,right?)that was almost ten years my junior,and my ego led me to foolishly believe that this was what I wanted,despite the many negative effects it would(and did)have on my life. So I ran,tail between my knees like a scared little puppy into the home of a girl and her kid who still lived in a tiny,shithole of an apartment with her mother and douchebag brother who was trying to become a cop or a probation officer. At the time,I was operating a small-scale psilocybe set-up,and had been regularly extracting spice from MHRB,with great success,that I was giving out to fellow psyconauts or just turning on the unsuspecting stoner with it's powerful flash of magick and logos. I refused to make a penny(and still won't)from the spirit molecule,because to me this was like trying to profit off religion or faith,which to me is just flat-out BAD F@&KING KARMA. While staying with this girl,I got caught up in my own neurosis and narcissistic thought patterns which only made me blind,ignorant and uncaring to how this affected my wife,who stood by me since 1999 watching me go through heroin addiction,crack binges,rehab stints,courts,psychiatric stays etc. etc. and yet here I was not considering her feelings or pain. I also put my stepson and daughter(who,ironically,is named Karma)through alot of confusion and drama that they shouldn't have had to witness at such a young age and time of innocence in their lives. I smoked DMT nightly,asking the entities a different question each time in hopes that they might help lead my way,but being the mischevious bunch that they are,they would often play with my inquiries by twisting it around and offering solutions that only furthured my confusion. Sometimes,after breaking through the veil,like a divine ephiany the answer would be presented in big,bold neon letters that would flash throughout the ride,then suddenly crumble into billions of pixilated fragments through the air,leaving me even more confused than when I had begun. Of course,I knew this was their nature so I took it with a grain of salt,knowing that when the time was right the flash would come,and a correct choice would soon be made. For four months I stayed with this virtual stranger,miserable,confused and missing my family,especially my little princess Karma. Lots of unnecessary drama and hurt unfolded in this time that needs no elaboration as I'm sure many of us have been there before. Then finnaly one night,I did my nightly smoking ritual,sitting outside in the cold December New England air on a second floor deck that overlooked the suburban street below me. Instead of my usual vapourizing the tiny,waxy yellowish-orange crystals in my glass freebase bulb I decided to sandwich around 75mg. of spice between a layer of crushed Oaxacan Salvia leaves and a pinch of some 10x as well. I inhaled three large lungfulls and held them deeply,as I stared out into the starry night sky. As I exhaled the final hit,everything shattered into a million crystalline,prism like shards....my world,the outside,everything but my TRUE sense of self. I'm not talking about the facade most of us carry around each day,wearing them like masks to hide our fragile insides from the cruel and hard world,I'm speaking of the actual untainted and true "I" that we all have and hold onto tight,but yet so rarely see. The salvia was sucking me into it's pinwheel vortex of pins and needles,while the DMT gave my visions color and clarity. What was strange about this particular session,was that no question had been asked yet all the ones from before were being presented to me in single file,one right after another. I didn't want this feeling to end,it was as close to true bliss as one can probably get without acheiving total enlightnenment(or death). I came out of it and saw the ugliness of my strange and uncomfortable surrondings. I wanted to be back home,in the arms of the wife that I adore and the kids who need me the most. I soon made my way back,tail between my legs,after spending a week or so decompressing at my mothers. The first day back,I laid down in my bed and stayed there for the next two days,basking in the familiar sounds and warmth of the things that I much,much,much too often take for granted,even now. It's been quite a while since I ordered some bark though,I think maybe it's as good a time as any,don't you agree? 
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Glad you had a happy ending !! 
