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THE LOOP

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Runwithme

Rising Star
hello, guys. I didn't have a good trip yesterday. Basically this is what I was most afraid of. Which is interesting but it also was really frightening. it was just my second time i took dmt.
We took it twice. At the first dose of 35 mg I was totally excited because it was so beautiful. I didn't have a breakthrough again but the patterns and colors I was drawn through were super beautiful. And behind the patterns I saw the universe. And I thought to myself "omg" I had to go there, but at the same time I knew that the dose was not enough. After one hour I took the second dose of 50mg.
That went off again with the blatant patterns only then it all became so blatantly fast. and then a kind of spiral formed in front of me and the music we were listening to dissolved into single tones. And then I was in this spiral and everything was repeated over and over again. And then, of course, there was panic that I would stay here forever. I don't know how long that went on. Time and space and music were completely dissolved. I think I had this "Ego Death" and fought against it instead of letting it happen. In my panic I opened my eyes and asked my friend how long I had been away. His words were repeated endlessly. " 4 minutes, 4 minutes... "
At that moment I didn't know what 4 minutes meant anymore. Whether this is long or short. When I looked at him he looked like an alien. With big dark eyes and very scary. Then I closed my eyes again and then the repetitions started from the beginning but also everything somehow backwards in time. I then grabbed his hand and it felt like stone. Completely inhuman. Oh dear, I thought I will go crazy. Then I noticed that it slowly stops and after about 7 minutes the spit was over.
And today I am just super sad on the one hand that I had no nice experience of which most talk. But I think the experience should also tell me something. Maybe that I am also caught in a loop in real life. The work that I don't really enjoy and in which I am stuck. And so on.
I would have liked to have seen other beings and worlds. But as everyone says they take dmt more often. You get the experience you need and not the experience you want. I don't know if I can ever take it again or dare it. Probably my bad experience was also due to the lack of letting me fall. I fought so hard against it and therefore everything became even worse.
What do you think? the dose may have been too high or too low. Unfortunately, I can't describe everything that I saw any more, because I forgot almost everything again. But it was basically all mathematics and together and into each other. In any case not beautiful. just confused.
Or is that just where you have to go before the breakthrough and if you don't manage to let go you just can't get any further?
looking forward to some answers of u! Peace and love!
 
I'm curious what more experienced travelers have to say on this too. From my inexperienced perspective (3 successful aya trips), and what I'd try personally, is to use lower doses to build up positive emotions towards using DMT again. This won't eliminate the fear of a higher dose, but if you gradually increase it in very small steps, you won't be able to draw a line in the sand and tell yourself "this will be the one that causes a bad trip" because just 1 mg less you had a good one.

Also, don't forget that negative trips are part of the whole picture. They are just as needed and important to experience as the good ones. I've had dark encounters 2 out of 3 times so far, but they were growth experiences for me. They were so powerful that they took my legs out from me when I was kneeling over my bucket, arms gone too, just collapse into nothingness and darkness. There's more that is unspeakable. But there was a turning point in those trips too, just had to endure the darkness.

Good luck!
 
I think many people who experiment with psychedelics like DMT will have experienced something simmilar. I even had such an experience with LSD, somewhere in januari. In that last case it was because it hit me much harder than expected, wich totally caught me by surprise.

You have to be willing to let go, but that apparently requires the very strong, clear and outspoken intent to do so. And it is something you should remind yourself of, every time.

I've experienced this myself several times. Taking a lighter dose of something, without this willingness to just let it happen, is often scarier than a heavier dose of the same thing when you're properly prepared and totally open to it.
 
One thing that changed it for me was to embrace the “scary part” and interpret it as excitement instead of fear or anxiety. Also I have had no meeting of entities yet either. All my breakthroughs are very “feely” and emotional compared to being talked to by others. I had an ego death of my wife where any little thing that bothers me about our day to day lives dissolved, and I saw her true inner soul. The twin flame I was connected to revealed herself visually right in front of me. Way more profound and meaningful to my real life than any entity could give me by the way. Dmt is a tool in which you must understand how to operate. It does no good to try and use a hammer on a screw. Embrace the fear and keep learning.
Safe travels
 
The probability of tougher journeys in the earlier stages is 2 be expected if you unfamiliar with Set and Setting. Also when you try to chase the prior journey this can happen as it did to me.

I just try to learn each time from my experiences take from it what i can and explore.

This is just the human ego trying to control what it can. (the chase of the last trip)


"The more you just let go to the experience and flow the more it will take you to where you wanna go."
 
Hello Runwithme,

I'm in a similar place. Nothing I have experienced with LSD or mushrooms prepared me for DMT. There's great advice here, and I am going to try lower (vaped) dosages until I am ready to explore further. I railed my breakthrough dose, and it scared the sh*t out of me. I am going to try to get comfortable in the waiting room, and go from there.
 
I think that, because the DMT experience is opening up your mind to so many new and complex visions, emotions, states of mind, etc., that it is only natural to be overwhelmed at the beginning, and feel anxious, or afraid. It is a lot to process.

Before my first ten or so journeys, I was anxious, even scared, to be overwhelmed again, by the rush and explosion of the spice in my brain. But after that, now, I am completely relaxed, with some needling anticipation. But nowhere near my initial panic-like anxiety that made it hard to breathe.

You kind of become familiar with the freight train that runs aver you and the exploded world that you find yourself in when it has passed. And, for me, it is always a pleasure now, to be there for those amazing fleeting moments.
 
Runwithme, from your description it's pretty clear you're talking about smoked/vaped dmt. Like Gus I had three journeys with ayahuasca many years ago, 1 was good, the other 2 weren't really bad but just overwhelming. More recently, over a decade after that trio of aya trips, I have had three journeys with an ayahuasca analogue. I tried 5g of jurema and found it to be amazing, but a bit overwhelming. So next I tried 3g, a bit UNDERwhelming. Next I went back to 5g and it seemed about right. I plan to stick with 4-6g until I feel confident in that dimension, then maybe try 7, but gradually. As Gus states, I think calibrating the proper dosage is crucial, but so are set and setting. Dosage X might seem perfect one time but then because of poor planning with the context the same might seem bad next time. All three things, dosage, set and setting, should be considered.

I am wondering though about smoked vs oral, and perhaps more experienced members who have tried both methods can explain. Is it harder to dial in an appropriate dosage with smoked/vaped dmt? Even drunk as a tea I find the onset and acceleration of dmt to be pretty intense, so I can only imagine if too high a dosage were smoked it would be even more disorientating. Am I wrong?
 
Runwithme, don't take it personally. Maybe you had to purge some fear? Maybe a lot of things? I don't see any sense in worrying about it. It is the luck of the draw. Can you accept the experience and move on from it? Perhaps, give yourself some time to integrate and calm down from the emotional aspect of the loop.

Personally, I have learned to accept anything that comes up with as much courage as I can muster. During the experience it can seem like an eternity of being broken, the thing is that it reassembles you right back, perfectly, who you are. Perhaps the lesson is to become more flexible. Allow your experience to twist and move and do what it needs to do. Allow it to be free without any judgment about it, without trying to change it or escape it. Accept it, completely, with the utmost gratitude! Gratitude is a game changer! Many negativities cannot exist within the same space as gratitude. It is the most powerful medicine of them all!
 
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