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The shadowman has been slain

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Phlux-

Phlux-

The Root
OG Pioneer
For a long time now, iv been harassed by some negativity - a shadowman
He has no face - no definition - no depth - no voice - its as if there is an outline of a person filled with nothingness.
He hides in this green, red, black and yellow net - the black is darker than pure darkness.
I had decided - to kill this man - end this fear as it was ruining me somewhat.

Earlier that day - i had drunk lots of whiskey with a friend(out of character for me)
i decided that today was the day to do something about this.

I consumed 4.5g potent ralphsters cubensis, 125mg MDMA, waited for it to come on then when the time came - i said to my friend "if i start acting strange or saying weird shit - just be understanding" - he said - "dont worry buddy i got ur back" - i sat up and got prepped for battle.
started streching my arms out - clicking every bone warming every muscle - i knew i was ready when my normally very predominant veins on my forearms went deep - under the skin - to prevent damage while in battle.

peaking i smoked 120mg DMT in 5-6 consecutive huge puffs - as it was mixed with caapi leaf and mullien - i was hitting the pipe like a chillum.

I ran into battle fists clenched - i saw the man and tried to attack - going for the killshot but as soon as i made first impact i was hit by the truth - understanding of who he was - what he was there for - he was more of a knot than anything else - i untied it thru understanding - which caused euphoria - i felt like the day before i fractured my skull(when i was 12 it broke and i was unafected in any way whatsoever except for i felt like i had suddenly grown up and no longer craved doing things like climbing trees etc) - like a kid agian - hopefully im free.

I now no longer smoke bong flatout - therefore im no longer the procrastinating nonsense i was before.
 
oh 1 thing - the lights were going crazy - they dont do that - they never have.
as i prepped - rubbing my palms together working my energy from my stomach to my fists - the lights started flickering - then dropping current and going dim - once it was over it stopped - and it wasnt me trippin out - i wasnt even the one that pointed it out.
 
this many days later and my veins are still inside and wont come out - im stuck in battle mode
 
Phlux- said:
this many days later and my veins are still inside and wont come out - im stuck in battle mode and fsckin out somewhat.
Click to expand...

what do you mean by your veins are still inside and wont come out,do you mean physically or psychologically ?
 
Phlux- said:
I consumed 4.5g potent ralphsters cubensis, 125mg MDMA, waited for it to come on then when the time came - i said to my friend "if i start acting strange or saying weird shit - just be understanding" - he said - "dont worry buddy i got ur back" - i sat up and got prepped for battle.

peaking i smoked 120mg DMT in 5-6 consecutive huge puffs - as it was mixed with caapi leaf and mullien - i was hitting the pipe like a chillum.
Click to expand...



Phlux- said:
I ran into battle fists clenched - i saw the man and tried to attack - going for the killshot but as soon as i made first impact i was hit by the truth - understanding of who he was - what he was there for - he was more of a knot than anything else - i untied it thru understanding - which caused euphoria - i felt like the day before i fractured my skull(when i was 12 it broke and i was unafected in any way whatsoever except for i felt like i had suddenly grown up and no longer craved doing things like climbing trees etc) - like a kid agian - hopefully im free.

I now no longer smoke bong flatout - therefore im no longer the procrastinating nonsense i was before.
Click to expand...

you are my hero! i love the fact that you prepared for battle but as soon a s you threw the fist blow then you got hit with the truth!
maybe this shadow man is your ego? not necessarily an entity but something that you have been holding onto for a while. i noticed you mentioned a traumatic experience when you where 12? maybe this tension was pent up inside of you? or you were realizing how ugly this shadow man was a void in your life. i noticed you said you untied him as he was a net in your subconscious. this makes me think that this is you letting go of your ego. I'm not here to judge but i have the same problem. i have been dealing with the loss of my daughter (not death but adoption) it is been plaguing me and my self for ever. but the further i go deep to rid this feeling of emptiness the more i get filled with the scene of security that she is the best place ever! i feel let go of my worries that she will not understand why i made my decision. i use MDMA when i smoke dmt some time as well to prepare me for a ground shattering realizations that would usually baffle me.i feel that we all need just one good serotonin release to understand that there is more to this than just existing. i felt so pent up in my own head and worried about my ego for to long then one day i did as you did as well. i prepared for battle. and i found that it was not a battle that i needed, it was a more deep understanding of my self! you r "self" is the most interesting person you can ever meet! you are the gateway to your self. you just need to learn how to communicate with parts of you mind/body/soul that you have never have before. and this untying concept really moves me. the idea that we are all tied up in what other ppl think and do aka the ego again and we need to untie and release our ego and become with every thing rather than our selfishness lifestyles.
keep on with it man see how far it really goes.
 
sig - physically - my veins are now buried rather deep in my arms - before they were almost external - sitting very visible.
my body is very responsive and im very concious of it - so this has been very noticable - even my friends noticed - when they see me they say - haha still got the lightie arms for ur fight?

i know its not my ego - but i know it is a part of me that needs work - its just kinda cryptic
 
Phlux,

You may be free... or not. These "things" (I call them Eguns) are very resilient. And one day,perhaps when you least expect it, it may come again. Getting rid of such an entity, once it encroaches, unfortunately takes some effort. Yet I never heard of such an extreme measure! I would pass out if I used such a mix for sure.

If you really looked into its eyes and witness its dark soul you may in fact be free. And if you dared doing it... Respect!
 
it took 2 years for me to decide it was time to fight it.
it takes a lot of pushing for me to make a decision - but then its final.
if i see that dude again - i will charge full force and destroy him - i dont like him and i dont like the fact that he exists - its my experience of reality - so i have some control.
its from me too - so im hurting no one - just removing thorns.
 
so - this hatted man is still around - jeez im swinging between thinkin he is gone and not knowing.
maybe its just memory of him but it doesnt feel like it.

this dude feels like some old man that lives in a log cabin and hunts some small furry creatures for their skins - he always wears a hat.
i decided to make some nice bufo for my next hunt - im amazed at my change in stance - i used to feel such fear - now when i see him all my senses increase instantly, i go into hunting mode and i get ready to attack.

im not quite sure what to think - i dont even need to trip to get a sense of him it seems - last night i took no hallucinogen but could see his outline a bit still.
 
Phlux- said:
so - this hatted man is still around - jeez im swinging between thinkin he is gone and not knowing.
maybe its just memory of him but it doesnt feel like it.
Click to expand...

Yes, thats what I thought. Form your description it REALLY looks like an Egun. Please take a look at this link, for a brief introduction on the subject. Eguns can be very nasty. Other cultures have given it different names as they are present everywhere.

I know of actually a possible way to get rid of it, and I have seen this happening. Try to find a Santo Daime session near you. Santo Daime is a religion that incorporates many characteristics from native Amazonian Indians and Afro-Brazilian cults. Going to a few Sessions, if the "Madrinha" or "Padrinho" of your Church is experienced, she or he will be able to "clean you up". And you will find very experienced travelers there, that simply never, ever post on forums. As a bonus you will get several Daime servings!

A group ritual is sometimes invaluable for accomplishing certain things.
 
Phlux- What was the knot / shadowman related to? You kept experiencing him recurringly on your sessions??

Also, as an aside, Is it mullein leaf or mullein flowers? SWIM is gonna make some changa with salvia splenden's or blue lotus blossom. (just for the hippie factor)
 
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