Jamie ONeil
Jamie O'Neil
This was only my second time smoking DMT. I've gained so much since I did it the first time, and was very nervous. As I took the pipe in my hand, my heart was thumping hard. I took several deep breaths to clam myself, not wanting to enter their world fearfully.
only had time for one hit, because before I could blow it out, the visions were forming.
As the same shape/patterns/visuals I feel I've seen on many times begin to take form, they begin showing many things - colors, shapes, patterns, bells and whistles and springs and their faces. It's all flashing before my eyes so, so quickly, at the speed of light. It's like they're going, Look at this, look at this, look at this." I see occasionally their faces, joker faces with spiral shaped eyes, laughing.
They keep showing me a word. I know the word. It's a word made up of words, and I've sang it a million times, but I can't say it or see it for long at a time. I'm trying to say or see it fully, and the word and the geometry and the colors are all coming together to one thing. I am supposed to ---what?--jump through? say it?
It's becoming a sort of portal and I think I'm supposed to jump through it or something. It's kind of mechanical and it it something that, when formed completely, with explode, and me along with it, I think. They keep egging me on - come one, come on. I don't know what held me back. I stopped, looked around, and began to see the room again. As I did that, I realized IT - it's all ONE THING. I realized ALL of it is one thing. I was hesitating before I (jumped?) and I checked on myself - where I was, those around me - and I began to hear the monitor again. Whenever my rational mind began thinking, the beeping of the monitor speeded up. Just like the first time.
I began to see all these pieces come together, and they all came together inside that portal. I wanted to jump through it, and as the others faded, they seemed to be holding it, going come on come on, but then I didn't know how to go through any more.
The first thing I remember saying was "I see."
I felt as though there was some lesson in the holding back. That the next time I smoke, my heart will be thumping even harder.
This is similar to the first time I smoked, but that time, this portal experience was very fast, at the beginning. After the portal formed, I exploded. That time, I chanted a phrase that the word is related to and the phrase was "This is going to be the most disgusting..." Then I exploded. This time, I didn't explode. They were waiting there, with their towels to clean me up, but I didn't explode. I think I was afraid. But I don't know what I was afraid of. Last time, after I exploded, I broke through to the most loving, peaceful place. This time, I stayed on this side of the portal. My friends in the room said I seemed to want to stay where I was.
THE WORD was important. I could see it and it's SO familiar. The pattern is familiar. I know all of it so well! I kept saying "The Word, the Word,." I saw it, too.
I think the language of that dimension is one for which our tongue, throat, voice box, are all inefficient. Perhaps that is why we choke or gag a little. Afterwards, when I tried to articulate what happened or what I saw, I kept feeling the same sensation in my throat. My daughter says she feels like they are trying to get her to throw up. I can see where she might interpret it that way, but I think they were trying to get me to say something, or express it (the Word?) and my human apparatus is inefficient.
I'm still blown away. I feel bad for not jumping or going, or whatever I didn't do. But I did see something really, really important. And, I also had the feeling that to receive the understanding I asked for, I needed to face whatever I must face for having stayed on this side - this time.
Here is what I really, really understood:
THERE IS ONLY ONE THING.
only had time for one hit, because before I could blow it out, the visions were forming.
As the same shape/patterns/visuals I feel I've seen on many times begin to take form, they begin showing many things - colors, shapes, patterns, bells and whistles and springs and their faces. It's all flashing before my eyes so, so quickly, at the speed of light. It's like they're going, Look at this, look at this, look at this." I see occasionally their faces, joker faces with spiral shaped eyes, laughing.
They keep showing me a word. I know the word. It's a word made up of words, and I've sang it a million times, but I can't say it or see it for long at a time. I'm trying to say or see it fully, and the word and the geometry and the colors are all coming together to one thing. I am supposed to ---what?--jump through? say it?
It's becoming a sort of portal and I think I'm supposed to jump through it or something. It's kind of mechanical and it it something that, when formed completely, with explode, and me along with it, I think. They keep egging me on - come one, come on. I don't know what held me back. I stopped, looked around, and began to see the room again. As I did that, I realized IT - it's all ONE THING. I realized ALL of it is one thing. I was hesitating before I (jumped?) and I checked on myself - where I was, those around me - and I began to hear the monitor again. Whenever my rational mind began thinking, the beeping of the monitor speeded up. Just like the first time.
I began to see all these pieces come together, and they all came together inside that portal. I wanted to jump through it, and as the others faded, they seemed to be holding it, going come on come on, but then I didn't know how to go through any more.
The first thing I remember saying was "I see."
I felt as though there was some lesson in the holding back. That the next time I smoke, my heart will be thumping even harder.
This is similar to the first time I smoked, but that time, this portal experience was very fast, at the beginning. After the portal formed, I exploded. That time, I chanted a phrase that the word is related to and the phrase was "This is going to be the most disgusting..." Then I exploded. This time, I didn't explode. They were waiting there, with their towels to clean me up, but I didn't explode. I think I was afraid. But I don't know what I was afraid of. Last time, after I exploded, I broke through to the most loving, peaceful place. This time, I stayed on this side of the portal. My friends in the room said I seemed to want to stay where I was.
THE WORD was important. I could see it and it's SO familiar. The pattern is familiar. I know all of it so well! I kept saying "The Word, the Word,." I saw it, too.
I think the language of that dimension is one for which our tongue, throat, voice box, are all inefficient. Perhaps that is why we choke or gag a little. Afterwards, when I tried to articulate what happened or what I saw, I kept feeling the same sensation in my throat. My daughter says she feels like they are trying to get her to throw up. I can see where she might interpret it that way, but I think they were trying to get me to say something, or express it (the Word?) and my human apparatus is inefficient.
I'm still blown away. I feel bad for not jumping or going, or whatever I didn't do. But I did see something really, really important. And, I also had the feeling that to receive the understanding I asked for, I needed to face whatever I must face for having stayed on this side - this time.
Here is what I really, really understood:
THERE IS ONLY ONE THING.
