bigmack
Mack
Trip Report- the trip of all trips
I would like to firstly articulate the notion that I have never written a trip “report” before.... and so, in a sense this is something very new to me and I’m sorry If I don’t meet the expectations of what It is to formally recount an experience.
I’ve probably read close to every report on erowid,shroomery,dmt-nexus etc. (At least for the substances I have personally used over the years).
I’ve always been cautious going into an experience... trying my hardest to gather as many perspectives of what to expect, before indulging. That’s part of the responsibility of it all.
Throughout my twenty years of existence on this planet, I have made it my goal to experience everything to the fullest, I have lived life vivaciously, existentially, passionately.
I have felt the awesome static of neural pathways palpitating ferociously in my temporal lobes, I have walked along the twilight hand in hand with the darkest and brightest of things.
I have flooded receptors of all kinds opiod,serotonin,adrenaline,dopamine alike.
I have found tranquility in the most unexpected places.
I have taken every and any psychoactive substance in my reach...
but this one experience... truly, truly blew me out of the water.
Pre-conditions:
Mindset: I wasn’t particularly happy on this passing easter weekend. After wrestling with a two-year long addiction to daily 400mg doses of codeine both in the morning and at night, I had been attempting to find the spirit of ayahuasca for several weeks now. After attempt, after attempt of trial and error, hoping to have a revitalizing experience... I had found no such luck. At first I thought I wasn’t boiling the MHRB long enough, then I thought maybe I wasn’t using enough plant material, then I thought I wasn’t getting enough maoi potentiation. These ‘doubts’ would eventually lead me to my demise. Having no scale or way of measuring out my plants, I had been significantly increasing the amount of MHRB powder in my boiling pot. Taking several large fistfuls of meticulously shredded powder, thinking that even that was not enough to get the effects I desired... I began to boil all through the day, what would eventually translate into the most revolutionary experience of both the mind and soul.
Physical condition: I haven’t eaten anything for the last two days. I’m physically healthy and fit.
Setting: In my basement, alone.
Recent drug use: weekly experimentation with woodrose seeds, and daily codeine use. And I thought the occasional 10-12 seeds of woodrose was intense enough!!
Participant: Male, twenty years old, 135 pounds, no medical condtions.
List of drugs injested up until this experience: lsd,lsa,mescaline,psylocibin,mdma,meth,dmt(smoked),THC,caffeine,codeine,morphine,fentanyl,
oxycodone,muscimol,dextromethorphan,diazepam,diacetylmorphine,clonazepam,cocaine/crack,alcohol,absinthe,piperazines etc. etc. (‘ve basically used everything and anything that’s been raved about, but obviously the list isn’t entirely complete)
Bioassay:
As mentioned earlier, I had been foolishly messing around with the ayahuasca trip, scale-less.
My estimation based on how deeply disturbed and impacted by this experience that I was... I would assume I used upwards of 35 grams mimosa hostilis and five grams Syrian rue. Yeah, thats right. Thirty-five fucking grams.
So I started by taking the rue, I waited a good two hours after taking it before ingesting my boiled down, extremely darkened mimosa brew. I was actually surprised by how reduced in volume I managed to get the mimosa, maybe only 15ml’s!!
After the two hour mark, I injested the mimosa and got into some serous matches of online poker as I waited, unaware of what was about to happen.
Effects:
The entire concoction was taken at around 6pm, the sun was still peering through my basement window. I played poker for an easy two hours after the ingestion period. I got very, very sick for about a half an hour, but unlike my prior attempts with ayahuasca, surprisingly, never purged. This is probably what accounted for the intensity.
I had spoken to a friend in the dmt-nexus chat room before injesting, arrogantly declaring to him that I had not measured my plant material... and he/she was actually concerned for me. I assured him/her that: “It’ll be alright, I’m sure my body will expel the brew before too much dmt is absorbed, under the circumstances that maybe I have taken too much. I’m sure my system will spare me.”
I was wrong. Anyways, the sickness passed and after two hours, I thought I had failed at my aya experience, yet again.
The light body high I was experiencing had passed and I felt completely sober. I sighed and went upstairs to nibble on a cherry Danish. Yum.
After eating the Danish, I went back downstairs and turned on my electric piano and was surprised by how perfect and effective I was hitting the notes. Suddenly, in the middle of playing the piano, my hand began to cripple... like arthritis had made it’s way to my nerve endings. And that’s when an extremely overwhelming sense of fear hit me.
I got up and walked to my bed, grabbed the biggest blanket I could find, pulled it over top of me and began to descend into the trip of my lifetime. All I can remember coming out of It was having repeated to myself over and over: “I deserve this. I deserve this.”
I don’t want to actually get into the details of the trip. Quite frankly, the ayahuasca experience seems to escape us, as we exit it.
However I will say this.
Yes, the elf/alien creature made it’s way into my basement. Yes, I thought I had died and emmigrated into a timeless void. Yes, there was ego-death... I cried profusely, and was shattered by a force that no word or form of communication could even begin to describe.
The trip was more intense than any prior substance use. It peaked for longer than anyone has ever articulated having happened to them (probably in the eight-hour range).
I came out of the trip at about 5am, feeling like I had regressed to the intelligence of a three-year old. I called my mother down to the basement where I had layed for ten hours straight heavily sedated by the experience.
She turned on the light and I begged her to turn it off, the luminescence burned my eyes.
She sat with me, and all I could say to her is: “mom, I have no idea what just happened to me. I can’t even understand anything right now.”
She asked me if I was afraid and I told her that no, I wasn’t. Just overwhelmed.
Well... eventually my cognitive functions returned to me, but it took a hell of a long time.
I would just like to express my concern for anyone seeking this medicine, please, please practice precision. I wouldn’t wish on to anyone what happened to me last night.
In conclusion,
I don’t think I’ll be returning to the psychedelic realm of dimethyltryptamine anytime soon, or that of any substance for that matter. I need a long vacation. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I need reality for once.
The last thing I would like to say is Terrance mckenna is right.... if you ever find yourself in an experience too powerful for words... if you ever find yourself plunging into a deep and dark obscurity of madness and incomprehensible fear... just sing. Lightly, loudly, humming, shouting... it matters not. Just sing your way through it... and you might actually immerse untarnished.
I love you ayahuasca. Thank you for giving me the trip of all trips, thank you for teaching me the necessity of responsibility
*Any comments are greatly appreciated*
peace
I would like to firstly articulate the notion that I have never written a trip “report” before.... and so, in a sense this is something very new to me and I’m sorry If I don’t meet the expectations of what It is to formally recount an experience.
I’ve probably read close to every report on erowid,shroomery,dmt-nexus etc. (At least for the substances I have personally used over the years).
I’ve always been cautious going into an experience... trying my hardest to gather as many perspectives of what to expect, before indulging. That’s part of the responsibility of it all.
Throughout my twenty years of existence on this planet, I have made it my goal to experience everything to the fullest, I have lived life vivaciously, existentially, passionately.
I have felt the awesome static of neural pathways palpitating ferociously in my temporal lobes, I have walked along the twilight hand in hand with the darkest and brightest of things.
I have flooded receptors of all kinds opiod,serotonin,adrenaline,dopamine alike.
I have found tranquility in the most unexpected places.
I have taken every and any psychoactive substance in my reach...
but this one experience... truly, truly blew me out of the water.
Pre-conditions:
Mindset: I wasn’t particularly happy on this passing easter weekend. After wrestling with a two-year long addiction to daily 400mg doses of codeine both in the morning and at night, I had been attempting to find the spirit of ayahuasca for several weeks now. After attempt, after attempt of trial and error, hoping to have a revitalizing experience... I had found no such luck. At first I thought I wasn’t boiling the MHRB long enough, then I thought maybe I wasn’t using enough plant material, then I thought I wasn’t getting enough maoi potentiation. These ‘doubts’ would eventually lead me to my demise. Having no scale or way of measuring out my plants, I had been significantly increasing the amount of MHRB powder in my boiling pot. Taking several large fistfuls of meticulously shredded powder, thinking that even that was not enough to get the effects I desired... I began to boil all through the day, what would eventually translate into the most revolutionary experience of both the mind and soul.
Physical condition: I haven’t eaten anything for the last two days. I’m physically healthy and fit.
Setting: In my basement, alone.
Recent drug use: weekly experimentation with woodrose seeds, and daily codeine use. And I thought the occasional 10-12 seeds of woodrose was intense enough!!
Participant: Male, twenty years old, 135 pounds, no medical condtions.
List of drugs injested up until this experience: lsd,lsa,mescaline,psylocibin,mdma,meth,dmt(smoked),THC,caffeine,codeine,morphine,fentanyl,
oxycodone,muscimol,dextromethorphan,diazepam,diacetylmorphine,clonazepam,cocaine/crack,alcohol,absinthe,piperazines etc. etc. (‘ve basically used everything and anything that’s been raved about, but obviously the list isn’t entirely complete)
Bioassay:
As mentioned earlier, I had been foolishly messing around with the ayahuasca trip, scale-less.
My estimation based on how deeply disturbed and impacted by this experience that I was... I would assume I used upwards of 35 grams mimosa hostilis and five grams Syrian rue. Yeah, thats right. Thirty-five fucking grams.
So I started by taking the rue, I waited a good two hours after taking it before ingesting my boiled down, extremely darkened mimosa brew. I was actually surprised by how reduced in volume I managed to get the mimosa, maybe only 15ml’s!!
After the two hour mark, I injested the mimosa and got into some serous matches of online poker as I waited, unaware of what was about to happen.
Effects:
The entire concoction was taken at around 6pm, the sun was still peering through my basement window. I played poker for an easy two hours after the ingestion period. I got very, very sick for about a half an hour, but unlike my prior attempts with ayahuasca, surprisingly, never purged. This is probably what accounted for the intensity.
I had spoken to a friend in the dmt-nexus chat room before injesting, arrogantly declaring to him that I had not measured my plant material... and he/she was actually concerned for me. I assured him/her that: “It’ll be alright, I’m sure my body will expel the brew before too much dmt is absorbed, under the circumstances that maybe I have taken too much. I’m sure my system will spare me.”
I was wrong. Anyways, the sickness passed and after two hours, I thought I had failed at my aya experience, yet again.
The light body high I was experiencing had passed and I felt completely sober. I sighed and went upstairs to nibble on a cherry Danish. Yum.
After eating the Danish, I went back downstairs and turned on my electric piano and was surprised by how perfect and effective I was hitting the notes. Suddenly, in the middle of playing the piano, my hand began to cripple... like arthritis had made it’s way to my nerve endings. And that’s when an extremely overwhelming sense of fear hit me.
I got up and walked to my bed, grabbed the biggest blanket I could find, pulled it over top of me and began to descend into the trip of my lifetime. All I can remember coming out of It was having repeated to myself over and over: “I deserve this. I deserve this.”
I don’t want to actually get into the details of the trip. Quite frankly, the ayahuasca experience seems to escape us, as we exit it.
However I will say this.
Yes, the elf/alien creature made it’s way into my basement. Yes, I thought I had died and emmigrated into a timeless void. Yes, there was ego-death... I cried profusely, and was shattered by a force that no word or form of communication could even begin to describe.
The trip was more intense than any prior substance use. It peaked for longer than anyone has ever articulated having happened to them (probably in the eight-hour range).
I came out of the trip at about 5am, feeling like I had regressed to the intelligence of a three-year old. I called my mother down to the basement where I had layed for ten hours straight heavily sedated by the experience.
She turned on the light and I begged her to turn it off, the luminescence burned my eyes.
She sat with me, and all I could say to her is: “mom, I have no idea what just happened to me. I can’t even understand anything right now.”
She asked me if I was afraid and I told her that no, I wasn’t. Just overwhelmed.
Well... eventually my cognitive functions returned to me, but it took a hell of a long time.
I would just like to express my concern for anyone seeking this medicine, please, please practice precision. I wouldn’t wish on to anyone what happened to me last night.
In conclusion,
I don’t think I’ll be returning to the psychedelic realm of dimethyltryptamine anytime soon, or that of any substance for that matter. I need a long vacation. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I need reality for once.
The last thing I would like to say is Terrance mckenna is right.... if you ever find yourself in an experience too powerful for words... if you ever find yourself plunging into a deep and dark obscurity of madness and incomprehensible fear... just sing. Lightly, loudly, humming, shouting... it matters not. Just sing your way through it... and you might actually immerse untarnished.
I love you ayahuasca. Thank you for giving me the trip of all trips, thank you for teaching me the necessity of responsibility
*Any comments are greatly appreciated*
peace
But please..be more careful next time! This happens often with pharmahuasca- where you have a couple disappointing "dud" experiences, and then crank the dosage up way too high when aiming to correct it later.. when really its just technique that is off. I know you said they didn't work, but what kind of doses were you taking before this attempt? 
