The wonders and burden of ego.

[onethousandk]

Hi Everyone,

I'm joining the Nexus mostly to show my support, especially after the recent DDOS attacks that made me realize I did not appreciate what I had until it was gone (how many times do we learn this lesson?). I've lurked for a while and drawn lots of useful information from the site and now hope contribute back in some small way.

As for me personally, I stumbled onto psychedelics in my mid-20s after years of being afraid that using any drug would rob me of my most important virtue: intelligence. I have a long history of ego inflation due to my success in school and fell into the ivory tower cliche during high school. This combined with years of indoctrination by way of the D.A.R.E. program convinced me that drugs are bad, mmkay. Ever so slowly I learned the limits of knowledge and stopped being such a condescending prick as I realized that everyone is ignorant and everyone has so much to learn, not only about the world but themselves. After opening myself up to experiences with alcohol and cannabis I realized the spectrum that drugs sat on and decided I was much more interested in the mind-expanding/altering aspects of marijuana than I was in the self-indulgent/masturbatory aspect of drugs like alcohol. After weeks of reading over trip reports, dosages and anything else I could get my hands on, I tried mushrooms and had the first spiritual experience of my life. It brought into full focus the scale of the universe and my irrelevance in it; at the same time it brought profound happiness in the fact that I even existed. My experimentation and interest has been growing since then though the only other type of hallucinogen I've tried since is salvia. I read veraciously before trying new substances and when I first heard about DMT part of my research brought me here.

I've come to realize I do psychedelics for a variety of reasons, but mostly to learn. I have a keen interest in all of the sciences, but psychology in particular. The brain fascinates me. Still, my experience with mushrooms has taught me that mostly I just need to be open, willing to embrace new experiences and perspectives. Because of this I try to keep an open mind, even as I try to explore my psyche to gain a better understanding of consciousness. I recognize every trip is about subjective experience, but I'm still focused on finding tangible links between these trips and "reality" as we normally experience it. There has to be some signal in all of that noise.

 

[Ice]

D.A.R.E.... What a God-awful program!

I'll be interested to read any theories you have on tangible links between psychedelic states and perceived reality.

Good luck in your voyages!

 

[onethousandk]

I'll be interested to read any theories you have on tangible links between psychedelic states and perceived reality.

Well, my theories are fairly limited so far, in part because of my limited experience and in part because I know that as soon as I accept something as truth it closes me off to other observations. What I've learned so far is that psychedelic experiences generally fall into two categories: those that are ego heavy and those that are ego shattering. Because ego heavy trips have soooo much to do with the individual and is entirely subjective, it becomes difficult to pull out information between such vastly different experiences. Experiences that go beyond the ego however often share similar themes, the most prominent of which is a feeling of connectedness. My experience with mushrooms provides anecdotal evidence for this. But how do we move beyond something as vague as feeling more connected? I'm not terribly satisfied with the existing theories. The notion of a "shared universal database/network/thing" that some claim DMT gives them insight to seems interesting but unlikely. It would be relatively easy to test this and non-scientific attempts like the S.H.E. project here haven't given any indicators that they're on to something. I've also recently finished reading Jeremy Narby's "The Cosmic Serpent" which, while an interesting read for the evidence he uses, I think goes too far when he suggests that ayahuasca allows shaman to communicate with the consciousness of DNA. What it seems like to me is that psychedelics shift our perspective but that even when the ego is subsided we are intrinsically still creatures that thrive on pattern finding. I think this explains why so many drugs make music sound amazing: what is music but auditory patterns, repetitions of pleasing frequencies and oscillations? DMTs frequent connection with fractal patterning is the visual equivalent of this same theme. The cognitive version of this is the sense that we are all one being, that we are all connected in some way. The problem, of course, is that numerous psychological studies prove that we find patterns even when there aren't any so in a sense this brings us back to the question of noise vs signal. Still, I think there is something to it. Evolution and genetics has proven how intricately we're tied to the rest of the natural world. Physics and chemistry has shown us that we are literally made of star dust. There are plenty of reasons to feel connected to the universe.

Good luck in your voyages!

Thank you!

 

[ewok]

D.A.R.E= Drugs Are Recreational Enjoyment. Well that's what I got from the program, just made me aware of other "drugs" to try.

 

[Ice]

"But how do we move beyond something as vague as feeling more connected? I'm not terribly satisfied with the existing theories."
"The cognitive version of this is the sense that we are all one being, that we are all connected in some way."

Maybe instead of asking what is this "space" that we are connected to, which seems to be what a lot of people are intending to answer, we should ask why do we visit this "space" after shattering the ego, and why are we connected to it? What psychological processes could cause this? As a species, humans are noted as being extremely social creatures. Maybe that desire to connect with others is a basic psychological concept that emerges when we rid ourselves of all the filters we put onto reality and the ego games. It seems to me that when I lose my ego, all that is left is just "basic." Too basic to explain maybe?

I'll come back to this, I'm late for work. haha.

 

[onethousandk]

I think getting out of the mindset that it is a place or "space" that we're connecting to is a good start. Whatever it is, I doubt it's much like a three dimensional object. I'm curious to hear your thoughts further on this.

 

[Spock's Brain]

"THUMBS UP," on the arrival of onethousandk.

 

[Ice]

I use the term space vaguely; it could be another dimensional space or just a void we fill with our subconscious. It could be something else entirely. I know from a few ego-shattering mushroom trips that the space I(also used vaguely) occupied seemed infinite, not only directionally but dimensionally and emotionally as well. It was almost a personal place. I haven't experienced DMT yet so I am still ignorant to the space that it will send me.

I am still early in the process of experimentation; what I think about it all is not stable and is mostly pieces of an idea floating around in my head. I mostly just have a lot of questions right now.

What are your thoughts on the space or whatever it is? Do you think it is universal or individualistic?

 

[endlessness]

Welcome to the Nexus!

I appreciate your way of thinking reasonably and critically

Im wondering your experience with DMT, oral or vapped, and extractions...

Hope to see you around more often

 

[onethousandk]

I am still early in the process of experimentation; what I think about it all is not stable and is mostly pieces of an idea floating around in my head. I mostly just have a lot of questions right now.

Yes, yes and yes. This is pretty much where I'm at.

What are your thoughts on the space or whatever it is? Do you think it is universal or individualistic?

That is the million dollar question, isn't it? My short answer is: I have no clue because I have so little information to go on. The last week or so has been very interesting to me because I've had a series of fortunate events: I finished one and began another book that both challenged my understanding of consciousness (I mentioned The Cosmic Serpent, Proust Was a Neuroscientist is the other though the concepts behind several other books float in my mind too). This was followed be two very interesting discussions, one with an old friend and one with a new, both on choice, consciousness, free will and the patterns of nature. This was all round up with a mushroom trip yesterday that has me reexamining so much of what I know. I'll save those thoughts for now though and put on my materialist hat instead. There's very little indication outside of the subjective lens that indicates psychedelic experiences can be shared. There's no indication that people can say, take DMT or a high dose of mushrooms, enter a trance like state and then communicate with each other. There's also very little to support the idea that communication occurs with other entities while in these states. Shamans claim they communicate with nature. Others claim they can talk to transdimensional beings. Unfortunately none of them can substantiate what they see/hear/feel. None of them come back with new information that can be shared and harnessed by others. All of this leads me to believe it's a very individualistic process. Sure we share some of the same icons in our visions, but that's because we're all human and aren't as different or unique as some like to think. So in all likelyhood it's like a funhouse mirror: we see something different and it offers a new perspective, but it's just a warping of reality.

That being said, there are some things about psychedelics that get at the heart of the question: what is consciousness? How do you quantify the subjective experience? So far we can't and it may be that though psychedelics offer a warped perspective of reality, they reveal that even our sober experience is a distortion of the Truth.

 

[onethousandk]

Welcome to the Nexus!

I appreciate your way of thinking reasonably and critically

Im wondering your experience with DMT, oral or vapped, and extractions...

Hope to see you around more often

I have not tried DMT yet. I've done a successful A/B but I did all of my research on extraction and not enough on proper smoking so most of it dripped into my pipe and I got barely more than a brief feeling that something was happening and then it was gone. I'm about to finish my second batch and use a different pipe this time around.

I'm curious about ayahuasca, but given the time and energy commitment I think it will be a while longer before I have the proper set and setting. Several similarly minded friends have shown interest in the experience so we may get together at some point.

And thank you!

 

[onethousandk]

Maybe instead of asking what is this "space" that we are connected to, which seems to be what a lot of people are intending to answer, we should ask why do we visit this "space" after shattering the ego, and why are we connected to it? What psychological processes could cause this? As a species, humans are noted as being extremely social creatures. Maybe that desire to connect with others is a basic psychological concept that emerges when we rid ourselves of all the filters we put onto reality and the ego games. It seems to me that when I lose my ego, all that is left is just "basic." Too basic to explain maybe?

I had a chance to re-read your post and think it holds more in it than I initially caught on to. You are right that we are extremely social creatures and I hadn't properly considered that a SENSE of connectedness might just be the manifestation of a DESIRE for connectedness. There have long been debates on what these basic underlying pillars of humanity are and more and more science points towards empathy as a central tenant. Empathy is impossible without a sense of similarity or a sense of commonality.The question of course remains is this real or imagined?

I still think we can tease out some objective scientific truth from experiences that claim a sense of genuine connectivity as opposed to a psychological manifestation of the idea. A simple idea for an experiment that I've had is putting a participant in some type of sensory deprivation helmet and test to see if they could notice if a person (or perhaps group of people) came up behind them during the experiment or not. Obviously you would have a control sober group and then different groups testing various psychedelics and see if the results are more than chance noise.