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animus_ludicus

animus_ludicus

Rising Star
Don't you find it interesting how everything has to have a beginning, be it clear or not, but it can do well without an ending?

Everyone tries to simplify things as much as possible, efficiency being the supreme excuse.
Do not force your mind to think in a linear fashion, let it bloom, let it branch ad infinitum and span over multiple dimensions, let it reach for knowledge.
I would like to thank the people who made this forum, and the people who keep it alive. I've been on it for some time now, but only as a guest. The time has come to share my experiences with others.

For the sake of diversity I will try to keep it short and interesting.

...rewind to early years: at the age of four, someday in the month of july, everything changed. I was alone at home, my mother went shopping. She knew that if I had my cartoons running in the background I'd be a good boy and behave. Everything went accordingly. Somehow, after some time, I got into the bathroom. I noticed the mirror hanging over the sink. I've seen myself in the mirror many times before, but something was different now, a sudden urge overcame my mind to take a chair, place it in front of the sink and look into the mirror...I ended up staring myself in the eyes for quite a while. When I snapped out of it, it was like something was added in my mind. Memories, flashes so vivid I could see them before me as if I was looking outside the window, but strange and unfamiliar. I couldn't explain them to myself let alone to someone else.

...fast forward to the present: 17 years have passed in total chaos and disturbance of mind(vizions and flashes), a profound confusion of thoughts, where lines seemed to be parallel, never to meet, thus having no common point of intersection, just simple threads. But, as of late, my subconscious gradually zoomed out to let the big picture unfold. I was too close to the canvas and someone was pushing from behind making sure that I could not step back to have a look at the whole because I would not understand it let alone appreciate it.

Last year, in october, I started having these flashes of my subconscious giving me answers to some incredible questions. So I decided to take a pen ,a sheet of paper and try to interpret what I was being told, everything happened naturally as if I knew how to do it...here is what I ended up with, the impression was that this is the BASE or CORE of things that will come:

A single tree
with a single leaf
in the eternal fall
of times long gone.

Casting its broken shadow
onto the mighty meadow
that lies beneath,
in the scorching,
blistering heat.

It has seen the break of dawn and fall of night,
It has seen the birth and death of time...


As above
so below,
one might think...

behold the kingdom of the king
who wears the crown on its roots.
...................................................................................
Shed thy crown
and bow not to the light
as darkness throws its veil,
follow neither wrong nor right
and you shall prevail.


Then I heard about DMT and what it can do. I was immediately interested in it, to learn how it works and to use it ,to delve deeper, to understand my eternal soul and the mechanisms of the surrounding "reality". I hope I will find what I am seeking for and I also hope that you will help me if you can.

Thank you

Animus_ludicus
 
Until you learn how to make your own DMT, I'd say give a try to Salvia Divinorum, which may be still legal in the country you're living in. If she likes you, you won't need to look any further.
 
Unfortunately, I live in Germany at the moment for my studies(Salvia=Ilegal), but I am lucky enough to have studied chemistry more extensively in my country when I was in highschool(plus outside the school), so extracting DMT won't be a problem I guess haha:)(getting my hands on the ingredients maybe)...Salvia seems like a good option though(from what I heard--not much to be honest), as good ol' Holland is near:D, a short trip might solve that problem. If you could compare the two, how would you describe Salvia as opposed to DMT? I hope I didn't respond too late:/
 
Hi animus_ludicus,

Welcome to the Nexus. I wonder if you might be willing to tell us a bit more about yourself? The extent of your psychedelic experience to date, if any and how it has impacted you, if at all, something like that perhaps?

You indicated you had been here for awhile, so I presume you know about the wiki and all the subforums. All I can say is the closer I look, the deeper it goes.

Again, welcome.

Peace & Love
 
Yes, I am familiarised with the wiki and the subforums. Great job btw, the amount of information here is staggering, if not overwhelming. As for my experience with psychadelics, I haven't had any until now. What made me follow this path, or rather consider going down this road, was the incredible similarities between the things described in the trip reports of users and what I got during my meditations. I have studied(learned to some degree) the art of meditation since I was 14 years old. As I progressed and got better, I started developing my own technique which almost led to the "breakthrough"(into what you call hyperspace, I guess) the users describe in their trip reports. After every session of meditation in which I got close to that point(17 in total), I started writing down, imediately, what was coming into my mind, the analysis of the experience. Keep in mind that the sessions are intense, I start in the usual position of meditation(legs crossed etc) and end up in a coiled sleeping position when I "come back". For the normal breakthrough(I ended up calling it "first door" because I know I am close to the second one that you describe as the corridor to hyperspace) it takes about 30 minutes. After that I think I leave my body and travel through this vastness full with intricate fractal patterns and sounds , where time seems to be absent(although when I come back I see that it usually lasts 7-10 minutes). I also feel the presence of someone, a being that is constantly near me the whole way, she seems to be feminine. She somehow leads me throughout the journey, but when I get to the second door I always look back and see a line attached to me and my body and that is when I come back.

Then I started talking to a person I met, who told me about DMT and the nexus...I also shared some of my reports/poems just to find out that he posted here on the forum, back then...he was under the name of "maymay". Although I have nothing against him sharing my reports, I do have something against people who use them as their own and make up stories as to how they wrote them. The difference is clear, when you ask that person to explain the writings and the meanings behind the words, he cannot do it. As far as I know, he posted two of them. Not that it's a crime or anything, but for me these are like paintings for others, everytime I read them I get back the images from the experiences. It helps me keep track of them.

In the end, I just want to say that I am really fascinated about how similar the trip of a user and the "trip" I take are. That is why I want to research this substance thoroughly before I try it. I think(not quite sure yet) that it can take me way past the second door. As for the experience itself, from what I read, it is said that it's important to let go and observe. That would not be a problem for me as I underwent the ego death process. At least I think so, but never having tried DMT I cannot say for sure how I will react. Then again, it seems like it is very, very similar to what I do.

Thank you for your time and I hope I haven't bored you with details.
 
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