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astraea

astraea

Rising Star
Hello, friends. :)

I decided to finally sign up - and I'm happy I did! I've been a lurker (years, off and on). I have been drawn to this amazing substance for a long time. I haven't even felt it yet, but it's already had a profound effect on me, if you will, and it commands my respect. The Spirit Molecule, which I read years ago, piqued my interest. Now, I love to soak up information about DMT online. I see it as an untapped resource full of potential for me.

I'll introduce myself, briefly. This may be a bit heavy and triggering to some folks, so I apologize in advance, and please don't read on if you are easily affected by mental health issues. I'm an artist who has struggled with depression her whole life. I lived a picture-perfect childhood, and yet I spent years dealing with the absolute misery of self-hatred. Suicide was never far off from my mind, even from a young age. I suffer from severe OCD (hair-pulling) and anxiety. I have seen psychologists, psychiatrists, and counselors off and on. I don't feel suicidal anymore, but nothing seems to really be helping me lately.

Now, my strengths are how intuitive I am. I have a very good ability to read people and perceive my surroundings. Since I spend a lot of time "in my head", so to speak, I feel like I also have heightened emotional awareness. This can translate toward good and bad, such as feelings of euphoria and feelings of complete sadness and loss of control. It's my own personal heaven and hell.

Despite all this, I would love to separate myself from my ego. I know hallucinogens are wonderful at accomplishing that. I've only dabbled in mild to moderate amounts, and have had good results -- a sense of "belonging", that there is something more, that life is worth living for... and the ability to strategize and cope with my mental health problems, because I've liberated myself, in a way.

So to wrap up this spiel, I'd like to say that I look forward to meeting you, and constructing a relationship with this site. I feel overwhelmed by all the information available, so my intent is to have real interaction with people who can become my guidance and support. This is why I'm here. :) And it's only the beginning of my journey.

All my best,

astraea
 
Welcome! You're at the right place and interested in the right medicine. Good luck and i hope you find/acheive what you're looking for.
 
Thank you for the warm welcome. :) Makes me feel happy! I have a good feeling that I'm on the right path. I will definitely update with my progress.
 
Your head the marriage of heaven and hell... a life shone through the lens of a jewel, euphoric, shattering, ravaged. beautiful.

You've not tried dmt..? What about mescaline?
Other people are good for loosing up the ego too, don't you think? Drugs or none. Just have to find the right ones, which is a bit of work, certainly. But worth it all.
And diet change, believe it or not.
Do you read many books? I read an article linking fiction readers to superior empathetic capacity and social intelligence. Though I don't recall wether they addressed the obvious chicken-egg question rising at once from that idea. Maybe there are things written in books that offer a certain complexity, depth and dimension to those with their integrity and feeling still in tact.

A little time ago I felt my ego as it were a prison, so I went on without it, thinking it left behind and gone. Not so.
To exist in this funny little world, one must have fibre, the necessary evil, blood and grit, to make it through at all. The gravity here, the weight so heavy, yes. But in remembering what you've glimpsed inside — that terrible light, the real burden comes into focus. Of a weight without compare. It drives you on and beckons, you are hungry, to live.

Thanks for giving us some of your time, astrea. I hope you will talk more about your process, and your healing.
 
Welcome. I wish you all the best.

Tread lightly, and try to approach this with caution and respect. It's powerful medicine to be sure.

Feel free to share some of your art!
 
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about this, thymamai. Thank you. I'm not sure if it was the same article you saw, but I have read something similar: that empathetic people tend to have higher emotional awareness and intelligence. This, in turn, can create both positive creativity and inner turmoil. Describes me in a nutshell! :) I do enjoy reading. I read more when I was younger, and it really helped to shape my development.

So far, no DMT, no mescaline; only psilocybin. And I've cut out most of the negative people in my life, thankfully. I know life is what we make of it, so I don't have time anymore to be around anybody who wants to bring me down. It's fantastic to be free from that burden. I've met so many wonderful folks going into this project.

I think you really encapsulated both the joys and pains of living for me, but I know, despite the hardships that I will persevere. I want to become a survivor. And most of all, I want to finally feel part of this fabric of space-time, instead of a listless spectator, trapped inside her own anguish.

I'm going to move beyond. I know it. This is only a tool, because I believe it will ultimately come from within.
 
Uncle Knucles, I'd be more than happy to share my work. :) I'm an expressionist and a colorist, so I look forward to what the visuals will have to offer me, and doing my best in reproducing them. I love to oil paint.

Thank you, I will be taking it slow. That is always good advice. I am sensitive, so I don't want to rush anything.

This forum has been absolutely wonderful to me! Blessings!
 
I'm so excited, my GVG is on its way! I want a quality experience so I am pampering myself a little bit. :)
 
Welcome to the community!

And when you're feeling down... just remember everything that went into making your body was made by stars. Stars died so we could live.

Good luck on future endeavors! Looking forward to hearing about your progress
 
Thank you TheMindBender!! That is one of my favorite thoughts... it makes me feel really close with the Cosmos. :)
 
Greetings, astraea, it's nice to have you here. Thanks for sincerely sharing your ups and downs and your sensitive view of life.

Wish you good luck with the molecule and blissful states! :)
 
Thank you, drishti! Today was a wonderful day for me. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I feel lots of positive energy.
 
Hello astraea,

I too would like to personally welcome you to both the Nexus and the DMT realms. I was EXTREMELY impressed when I spent an hour or two with you in private chat last night. I'm no doctor or therapist or shaman or anything other than a wacky, middle aged crazy cat lady, BUT the stuff we talked about and what you wrote here resonated deeply with me. Seems to me you suffer as so many folks in modernity do from what the docs and therapists would call personality disorders. Rather than psychotic disorders.

But, unlike so many in modernity you exhibited a degree of intelligence and self-insight seldom seen by anyone (I feel) in today's world. Chatting with you was a breath of fresh air for me. I LOVED how when the clowns in chat were acting up basically not answering your questions and saying nothing but SMOALK MOAR that you were already ignoring them and deciding to find your own path. I loved that you spontaneously told me you were in no rush, wanted to take it easily, wanted to not take it too much, wanted to take plenty of time to integrate between trips. That you had been researching like crazy. That you were nearing the end of your first extraction. That you already had your GVG and torch. Actually, I was very impressed by just about everything you shared with me last night.

I think you are a great candidate for DMT. As I warned you, for those who do it right and enjoy it, it is hard not to get caught up in at least a bit of obsession about this most amazing molecule and the realms it catalyzes access to. But, if anyone is ready for this in advance (if that is at all possible) you struck me as that person.

It was a pleasure and an honor to meet you and I apologize for hogging your time. I am very very excited for you and hope that you will not hesitate to continue to do exactly what you've been doing - researching, asking questions and taking your time. I hope that you will become a significant presence here at the Nexus and I think I'll be checking into the chat room more frequently in upcoming days or weeks to see if you might be around.

Again, a most hearty welcome.

Peace & Love

P.S.: Mods, I have a good sense of what you think of me and I really don't care. Take a good look at this person. I recommend her for immediate and unconditional promotion.
 
astraea said:
And it's only the beginning of my journey.
Click to expand...
Only the beginning indeed. It's nice to have you around, astraea.

Don't be overwhelmed by information overload. I feel taking this road slow and steady is the proper approach. Wait till you have all your supplies and a good mind-state. The rewards are endless.

-a1pha
 
Pandora, your response made my day. I am thrilled and honored to be promoted! I didn't even know until I read what you wrote and then saw my little sprout was taken off! What a lovely surprise. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for nominating me. I was blessed to be able to talk to you last night, and have you at my side in terms of guiding me toward having a healthy direction and reasonable expectations with this. I treasure the conversation you had with me. I should be around chat, likely in the later hours of the Western Hemisphere. In the coming week, I hope to share my potentially life-changing experience with everybody, whether here on the forums and/or in the chat--I feel comfortable with both, and Pandora, if you see me around don't hesitate to PM me! :)

I can't say it enough: the community and outpouring of support around here drives me forward, and was exactly what I needed. I believe that life is what you make of it, so seeing what I asked for unfold before my eyes is surely something else, and it reinforces that this is the right thing to do at the right time for me. :)

I had a minor setback today. My GVG is waiting for me at the post office (signature confirmation). Unfortunately, I overestimated the time they close, so I was about an hour late when I got there. I'll be in first thing on Monday, and it's okay because my personal "project" won't be ready until then. :) I was just hoping to be able to get the hang of the GVG in advance. It will happen, in good time. Despite my excitement about this journey, I am doing my best by practicing patience and restraint.

a1pha, I'm pleased to meet you. I have admired your avatar from afar, by the way. :) Thank you for your welcome, and I promise to uphold the utmost respect for this. I think the idea of extraction aids in that attitude to some extent. It's hard for me to put into words, but I suppose it's like teaching me cultivation and care. Good things in life don't necessarily fall into one's lap, one must have to work toward a goal, and that journey will teach me many things along the way so that I am ultimately fulfilled.

All my best, to my newfound friends and those I have yet to meet,

astraea
 
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