This Side of the Yawning Grave

[Palmer Eldritch]

Going into this experience I was experiencing some "negative" emotions that I wanted to explore more deeply.

I took sublingual harmalas about a half hour before I began smoking some DMT-citrate e-juice.

I started with a few hits and let myself settle in this modified hyperspace reality. I took a couple more to where I felt really close to a full breakthrough, then leaned back into the experience. I didn't want to blast off, just yet. I took a few more hits here and there as I started leveling back down to maintain a similar state for an extended period.

I dug into the core of the emotions I was feeling, examining their roots and how they affect my thinking and behavior, and how the emotions flow together. I sank into the negativity of these feelings. It was a vast chasm of loneliness and desperation. I felt these things fully, felt them in my body, felt the heaviness and the sadness of it all. It was incredibly painful.

None of what I experienced was new, but I had been subconsciously avoiding these emotions. Bringing it to the surface was like opening the floodgates. And while the experience was painful, it was not negative. Quite the opposite. Feeling these emotions and digging through their origins and terminations was enlightening to say the least. There's still work to be done integrating and possibly through additional trips, but this was powerful healing.

After swimming through the Marianas Trench of pain, I wanted to end the night a little lighter, so why not blast off while I still have the benefit of harmalas. And let me say it was wonderful! It was light and playful and pure joy.

At times, I felt like I was in a room with people I knew (family or friends? people I was close to anyway). They were sitting on either side of me in my peripheral view. When I turned to face them, they transformed into whatever little alien creatures they were. It was like a fun little game for them. And me too!

One of them even teased me with something "frightening". I don't particularly care for insects, bordering on almost phobia sometimes. One of the little creatures showed me a handful of insects. Or maybe it was made of insects and it took off its alien suit to show me its true nature. Then it transformed back. It wasn't scary or unpleasant. It was like it was trying to take something modestly unpleasant and turn it into something fun and light. I think we laughed at the absurdity of it together.

There were more creatures and they were all very playful. I thought it was the first time I'd seen the alien entities in a trip, but some of them came out that I recognized from previous trips, I just hadn't recognized that they were entities at the time. They laughed at me for not recognizing them then. It felt like a mini reunion with friends I hadn't seen in a long time.

 

[Pandora]

Palmer Eldritch,

Wow great report on a profound experience. Thank you so much for sharing.

I have been trying to gut up for a vaporhuasca experience and your report is inspirational.

Speaking about inspiration that's the only word that comes to mind on how you dealt with your falling into the depths of the negative emotions. How you just took it in and dealt with it. Although I am really into visuals I have always felt that a lot of what a DMT trip is about is the feelings and how it opens us up to ourselves and so much more.

Good old DMT, if we even do it partially right tends to show us hell before heaven instead of the other way around in my experience.

Finally regarding the very end of your report, I am fascinated with the phenomena of state specific memories. It sounds like you got a good dose of them. My husband explains them like this, "it's only when I'm really drunk that I remember all the bar jokes that I've been told."

It was only in the hyperspatial state that you remembered that you had encountered these entities before. I am fascinated by this and the fact that our minds appear to actually be partitioned.

I do know you are facing existential issues much more raw and in the face than almost everyone here including my husband who is 73 years old and a survivor of both cancer and stroke.

I just want to say that I for one am gratified that you are on this side of the yawning grave still. Your presence here enriches us and enriches the Nexus in ways we have yet to understand and will continue to ripple I am confident most likely beyond the existence of all of us in this realm.

Thank You.

 

[Palmer Eldritch]

Pandora, thank you for the kind words and thoughtful reply. I was debating NOT posting this report, so I'm glad someone got some value out of it.

How you just took it in and dealt with it. Although I am really into visuals I have always felt that a lot of what a DMT trip is about is the feelings and how it opens us up to ourselves and so much more.

It was like, I wanted to explore these feelings and to do so, I had to feel them fully. And the deeper I got into understanding, the more I had to feel. While it was almost overwhelmingly painful, I never reached a point where I wanted to stop exploring. The insight was worth the cost of admission, so to speak.

Good old DMT, if we even do it partially right tends to show us hell before heaven instead of the other way around in my experience.

In this instance, I kind of asked for it by diving head first into the pain. But the spirit molecule was kind enough to give me a soft landing with the breakthrough afterward.

It was only in the hyperspatial state that you remembered that you had encountered these entities before. I am fascinated by this and the fact that our minds appear to actually be partitioned.

It was very interesting. It's like many of my previous trips were so alienating that I didn't remember the....aliens. But seriously, the harmala really created space to see and explore and remember in a way I'm not used to with smoked DMT.

I have been trying to gut up for a vaporhuasca experience and your report is inspirational.

I really appreciated having the cartridge and e-juice. When I did my pharma sesh a few weeks back, I vaped some spice out of a dab pen when I was coming down, and I immediately blasted off with a very small amount. I like that the cartridge gives you a little more control with harmalas involved. Doubt it would be strong enough to get much of a trip on its own though.