Tuarana
Rising Star
Hello you lovely psychonauts!
I'm 24, unemployed, broke, in the process of being diagnosed with M.S., still live with my parents and have absolutely no motivation or direction in life. And I'm (almost) OK with it all!
My Story:
I lost nearly all the sight in my left eye over Christmas last year (optical neuritis) amongst some other fairly nasty symptoms of MS too (tremors, depression, constant fatigue, lack of balance, memory loss, speech problems). Long story short - I was that depressed and felt that isolated from the world I never had the motivation to do anything about any of it. I met up with my on-again-off-again girlfriend (and at one point - fiance) and found that her and her son were the only two people that I had any want to be around, she gave me a reason to take a proactive step in my health. Honestly, if I hadn't of bumped into her randomly on a night out and met up after I don't think I would be here today.
Not long after this I had a profound spiritual experience - I had recently started on prozac (cant remember the pharma name for it) and had been out smoking a few bowls with my (ex)friends. I only had a couple seeing as I was on these pills and didn't want to risk any weird side effects. Everything was fine until I got to my driveway, all of a sudden it felt like the world was going to end. Not just my world but the whole rock, it was just that horrible feeling that you know some shit is going to go down. It was as if someone had funneled all the negative energy they could find into my head. Needless to say I was a bit freaked.
I stopped taking those evil pills not long after, I stopped smoking weed in a recreational way, cut myself off from the negative people in my life, learned how to meditate (which I took to life a duck to water), spent some time at a Buddhist retreat and started smoking weed/edibles in a meditative way. That was all 3 months ago.
Over these last few months I've learned to accept myself and my own worldview:
- to live for my needs (food, water, shelter, love) and to acknowledge my wants but not to be ruled by them.
- when dealing with minds there is no such thing as right or wrong, black or white, there is only grey perception.
- not to live in fear of anything, fear is only a product of our perceptions.
- break everything down to its most simple point/purpose - a car is just a fast way to get you from A to B, a shoe is just something that keeps the jaggy things off your feet, Beyonce is just a woman with a big ass who can sing, a football game is just the same played in a stadium filled with 40,000 people as when it's played in a local park. These things are only made more when people want them to be.
- The most important thing I think I've realised is that the truth is the only thing that really matters. It will rarely be what you want but it will always be what you need.
Before my spiritual experience I was reading a lot of Graham Hancock's work and his stuff on Ayahuasca grabbed my attention. I think I've come far enough as a person to try this sacred drink and hopefully find out more of the truth of it all, what our world is really about and what our consciousness is really capable of.
Was this a bit much for an intro essay? lol
Peace and love to you all
I'm 24, unemployed, broke, in the process of being diagnosed with M.S., still live with my parents and have absolutely no motivation or direction in life. And I'm (almost) OK with it all!
My Story:
I lost nearly all the sight in my left eye over Christmas last year (optical neuritis) amongst some other fairly nasty symptoms of MS too (tremors, depression, constant fatigue, lack of balance, memory loss, speech problems). Long story short - I was that depressed and felt that isolated from the world I never had the motivation to do anything about any of it. I met up with my on-again-off-again girlfriend (and at one point - fiance) and found that her and her son were the only two people that I had any want to be around, she gave me a reason to take a proactive step in my health. Honestly, if I hadn't of bumped into her randomly on a night out and met up after I don't think I would be here today.
Not long after this I had a profound spiritual experience - I had recently started on prozac (cant remember the pharma name for it) and had been out smoking a few bowls with my (ex)friends. I only had a couple seeing as I was on these pills and didn't want to risk any weird side effects. Everything was fine until I got to my driveway, all of a sudden it felt like the world was going to end. Not just my world but the whole rock, it was just that horrible feeling that you know some shit is going to go down. It was as if someone had funneled all the negative energy they could find into my head. Needless to say I was a bit freaked.
I stopped taking those evil pills not long after, I stopped smoking weed in a recreational way, cut myself off from the negative people in my life, learned how to meditate (which I took to life a duck to water), spent some time at a Buddhist retreat and started smoking weed/edibles in a meditative way. That was all 3 months ago.
Over these last few months I've learned to accept myself and my own worldview:
- to live for my needs (food, water, shelter, love) and to acknowledge my wants but not to be ruled by them.
- when dealing with minds there is no such thing as right or wrong, black or white, there is only grey perception.
- not to live in fear of anything, fear is only a product of our perceptions.
- break everything down to its most simple point/purpose - a car is just a fast way to get you from A to B, a shoe is just something that keeps the jaggy things off your feet, Beyonce is just a woman with a big ass who can sing, a football game is just the same played in a stadium filled with 40,000 people as when it's played in a local park. These things are only made more when people want them to be.
- The most important thing I think I've realised is that the truth is the only thing that really matters. It will rarely be what you want but it will always be what you need.
Before my spiritual experience I was reading a lot of Graham Hancock's work and his stuff on Ayahuasca grabbed my attention. I think I've come far enough as a person to try this sacred drink and hopefully find out more of the truth of it all, what our world is really about and what our consciousness is really capable of.
Was this a bit much for an intro essay? lol
Peace and love to you all
