To lurk or not to lurk

[Held In Amber]

Hey there.
As someone with prior experience with psychedelics (shrooms, cannabis edibles, and LSD, and cactus someday when my cacti are ready), and yet no prior experience with DMT, I was kind of on the fence about interacting with the Nexus further. But hey, why not? I would like to try DMT someday, I enjoy growing my own psychoactives, and a large part of what I like about perusing the Nexus is how applicable many conversations are to the psychedelic experience more broadly, which I can often relate to regardless of having done DMT yet or not.

I'm actually currently on a break from taking psychedelics, and have been perusing the Nexus (along with some other sites) over the past few months for... perspective, I suppose? I dunno, maybe it's more just because of my persistent fascination with psychedelics, even as I need a break from actual usage of them. After being mistreated by a few people I previously trusted while on psychedelics, and having a friend who endangered themself, myself, and others while on psychedelics, I needed a break for a while. My need for a break was especially cemented when, shortly after all that, I tried for (and experienced) my strongest psychedelic trip to date while still (somewhat unknowingly, due to denial and gaslighting) processing those harms. That all definitely scared me off for a while.

Potential oversharing aside, that was all quite a few months ago now, and, having processed most of it, I've been wanting to interact more with the psychedelic forums I peruse. So, that's me, and hello!

 

[○]

Welcome to the nexus Held In Amber, nice to have you. :thumb_up:

 

[fink]

Hello friend, welcome

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Welcome! Please feel free to partake in the discussions about the proper and sustainable use of psychedelics. This sure is something where we can build a better future and culture for years to come as the psychedelic movement expands.

 

[Jupiter Man]

I don't know what country you're in, but there's not much reason to be scared. If you're in Northern America, most of the laws are for show.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Welcome.

Would you be willing to share more about the events that led to your psychedelic hiatus, and what you've learned during that time?

One love

 

[Held In Amber]

Thanks for the welcome, everyone.

And sure Voidmatrix, I can elaborate on that situation more. Though the whole thing makes me feel like a naïve child in hindsight. Apologies if the following is a bit long.

So, there's three main events to what happened. Three trips.
First, there was a camping trip where me and two friends took LSD. I took two tabs, and my friends took one each. About an hour after taking our tabs and chilling around our campsite, one friend wanted to take a walk on a nearby path. I said sure, but then was hit by a wave of psychedelia that made me need to sit down for a bit. I told them I needed to sit down for a few minutes, and that I'd join them after that. I expected they'd be back within maybe an hour tops. They were gone for 5 hours. Our water was in the locked car at that point, and they had taken the keys with them. Needless to say, it was not a fun time. I managed pretty well, but by the three hour mark I'd gotten very worried about them. And dehydrated. And it didn't help that the camping spot my friend picked was pretty close to 2 others. I had pretty bad social anxiety at that point even just sober, and the proximity made me anxious of people seeing us.

The second time, me and three friends (including the 2 from the camping trip) decided to have a trippy movie night together. All was well for about an hour and a half, until one friend decided that they wanted to drive to their other friend's apartment to hang with him and go swimming. Bear in mind, this friend who wanted to drive was on shrooms, 6 grams of shrooms specifically. We were all tripping on a similar dose, except one friend who took 3 grams. Basically, none of us had any business swimming, much less driving. I proceeded to tell that friend, multiple times, that it's a very bad idea and to not do it, but that friend kept arguing about it. I said they could get an Uber if they really wanted, and they still argued with me about that too. Eventually I faltered in my assertiveness, and they ended up driving over with our other 2 friends in tow. I then worried for the next three hours, after which they returned, thankfully both alive and without the police.

From just this, I've learned three things. One, people are more prone to putting themselves in danger while tripping than I previously thought. Two, what I considered a manageable dose was too high. Three, that friend was a bad one. I've learned more really, but these are the most easily conveyable things that come to mind. Mainly, I became aware of a lot of things I was doing wrong with how I handle giving mushrooms to others, some more obvious in hindsight, some less.

But the cherry on top was, like I said, while still processing these bad experiences (but not fully realizing the harms that they caused to my psyche) I decided to try for my strongest trip yet. A whole flush of fresh mushrooms, cooked into a meal. I had the idea for this trip for a while, but the timing was very unfortunate. But though the trip was very difficult, and cemented my need for a hiatus, it went well all things considered. The fuller story of this trip is one for another time though. The relevant realizations are as follows. First, the come down from a very lonely and mind-shaking experience is a lot harder when you've recently started to let go of your only in-person friend group (another much more flagrant and non-psychedelic related breach of trust happened after the events of those other two trips). Second, I started to accept just how traumatic those other two trips were for me. Third, after that trip, I realized I could now get into a psychedelic headspace while completely sober. This is what really scared me at first, as I was concerned I may have shroomed myself into a latent psychosis, mainly because the first few times this happened was in the form of random flashbacks. I was worried that they would progress into something worse, or that my mental situation really was worse and I just was already delusional enough to not notice. But, now, I don't really have flashbacks anymore, and if I do they are pretty easy to manage and dispel. And being able to look back over the year since, I can see that they never did progress into anything more than what they were at the beginning; a very trippy headspace with some visual distortions. An interesting and perhaps positive facet of this though, is that I can now see what people mean when they say that psychedelic-like states can be achieved through sober meditation.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Thank you so much for sharing.

As we can see here, psychedelics not only allow us to work on ourselves and our external worlds but also assist us in discerning health and value of our relationships to others. While psychedelics are great tools for deeper work, that isn't a priority to a great many who take them, which leads to situations such as the three you've described. I am glad that you have had the necessary realizations that will help you grow and move forward in this crazy comedic fiasco we call life.

One love

 

[Icyseeker]

Good that you learned your lesson. I used to be a lot more liberal with who I tripped with. However, after I learned just how personal the experience is now only take psychedelics with close friends. (Or at concerts.)

Anyway welcome to the Nexus.

 

[Voidmatrix]

I don't know what country you're in, but there's not much reason to be scared. If you're in Northern America, most of the laws are for show.

I just noticed this and find it to be a dangerous rhetoric.

Please be aware of the laws and bylaws in your locality and act accordingly [a message for everyone and I'm not saying to avoid psychedelics with this statement nor am I encouraging you to do them].

One love

 

[Held In Amber]

As we can see here, psychedelics not only allow us to work on ourselves and our external worlds but also assist us in discerning health and value of our relationships to others. While psychedelics are great tools for deeper work, that isn't a priority to a great many who take them, which leads to situations such as the three you've described.

One of the things I've noticed is how few of the people I've introduced to psychedelics seem to want to do any research on them prior to consumption. Quite concerning and baffling, to me at least. I even tried to give them some resources for basic information, but they never seemed to look at them. One friend (not even mentioned here, that was a whole nother ordeal) couldn't even bear poking around the Shroomery a bit. Honestly, being willing to do some amount of personal research should've been the bare minimum requirement for me to share psychedelics with them, otherwise they're just setting themselves up to be unsafe. But I think I was overly eager to share my yields back then, partly out of hope they could see the same beauty and benefit of them that I did, and partly because it was kind of lonely being the only person I knew who was into psychedelics. A l a s. I guess it'll have to remain my extra-private personal thing for now, only to be discussed on internet forums.

 

[Voidmatrix]

As we can see here, psychedelics not only allow us to work on ourselves and our external worlds but also assist us in discerning health and value of our relationships to others. While psychedelics are great tools for deeper work, that isn't a priority to a great many who take them, which leads to situations such as the three you've described.

One of the things I've noticed is how few of the people I've introduced to psychedelics seem to want to do any research on them prior to consumption. Quite concerning and baffling, to me at least. I even tried to give them some resources for basic information, but they never seemed to look at them. One friend (not even mentioned here, that was a whole nother ordeal) couldn't even bear poking around the Shroomery a bit. Honestly, being willing to do some amount of personal research should've been the bare minimum requirement for me to share psychedelics with them, otherwise they're just setting themselves up to be unsafe. But I think I was overly eager to share my yields back then, partly out of hope they could see the same beauty and benefit of them that I did, and partly because it was kind of lonely being the only person I knew who was into psychedelics. A l a s. I guess it'll have to remain my extra-private personal thing for now, only to be discussed on internet forums.

Bear in mind, most people are addicted to their convenience and comfort. Doing research is antithetical to what most people want to do with their time, even if it's for their benefit in something they'll be engaging in.

And don't worry, your secret is safe with us

One love