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To pay my respects

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AndInTheEnd12345

Rising Star
Greetings, fellow wanderers and explorers of the unknown!

I am here to make my first post, after roughly a year of perusing through the vast collection of wisdom shared so graciously by the wonderful people of this forum. I humbly present myself to you as the young, inexperienced individual that I am, in the hopes that you may help me on the sometimes confusing path toward self-awareness and enlightenment.

I am but 20 years old. I have ambitiously, perhaps foolishly, spent the past 2 years following the path down the rabbit hole with little resistance. In fact, I threw myself down the damn thing. I lost sight of the reason I began exploring psychedelics, not that teenagers on acid really ever have a good grasp of what they're doing to themselves.

Last December, I completed my first extraction of DMT using the PDF version of Whatchamacallit's STB Tek (I liked the pictures included). I think I used a half-kilo of root bark and yielded 2-3 grams of light-yellow product. While I'd read a good deal about it online, I still had no idea what I was getting into. But I tried it anyway, took 4-5 times of sub-breakthrough experiences before I realized that I was NOT ready for this. My sense of anything spiritual or meaningful had been previously shattered by a terrible experience that left me feeling lost and hopeless. I know that this warning is given by many here, time and time again, but I want to reiterate: DMT is NOT for the broken-hearted or the weak of mind. It will NOT give you new purpose if you do not already have a firm grasp of what reality is to you. If you are not yet comfortable in your own skin, which isn't something to be ashamed of, DMT can further cloud your perception of yourself and make it impossible to integrate the experience in your daily life in a helfpul way.

During my frantic scramble to find meaning, God, or some holy grail that would give me immediate access to all parts of my psyche, I actually did the opposite. For a little while, I lost touch with myself. I acknowledge my mistakes and my arrogance. I am no longer in a rush, but I do not wish for my life to come to a standstill. I approached the DMT universe too quickly, while standing on unsteady ground, and I thankfully only got a glimpse of the harm that could have come to me by doing so. I have plenty of DMT and changa set aside for the right time, and while I am eager to explore, I will never again attempt to jump into this without a parachute.

Now I have learned some lessons and I am starting to live a healthier lifestyle, both physically and mentally. Now, I want to learn as much about myself and my part in this universe as I can, and I understand that this is something within me that psychedelics can only catalyze, not create without any work from myself.

I don't want to ramble or make people read something too lengthy, but I have some hardcore ADHD and this is the only way I knew how to introduce myself, by trying to give a full picture of why I have joined this website. So I'll stop right there and see what happens, gotta study for this damn Differential Equations class...

I pay my respects to the mystery, and look forward to a long and rewarding relationship with the other members of this forum.

Have a fantastic day!
 
Welcome to the Nexus :)

With dmt, patience is most definitely virtuous and as you said, there is no shame in taking your time to build the relationship.

You said you've taken a lot of acid; what other psychedelic experience do you have?

Once again, welcome and we look forward to hearing more from ya.
 
My experience with psychedelics began around 2 years ago. At the time, it was difficult for me to find legitimate "hippie drugs" so I started researching 2C-X substances, which... I have most likely put down permanently. They tend to wear my mind/body down without much insight gained. I have since done LSD 6 or so times, mushrooms 3-4 times, and 4-Aco-DMT somewhere between 10-15 times. I've also tried salvia, MDMA, opium, and cocaine with much lesser frequency.
 
Yo MelCat, serious props on your "Good Vibes" link. Kinda made my day :lol:

Also, guys, I apologize in advance if I say something wrong or offensive because I didn't mean to. I read tons of forums but posting on them is a different art form altogether. I have read the guidelines and I'm gonna do my best to follow them correctly, so just lemme know if I make some mistakes along the way!
 
We all need good vibes! :D Glad you enjoyed it.

The attitude page will keep you out of any trouble for the most part. As long as you're putting an effort into being respectful and not giving bad advice, you should be good.

I have yet to try 4-aco-dmt.. I assume you enjoyed it since you did it so many times?

Have you tried oral dmt with harmalas yet? If you're down to extract something new, rue or caapi would definitely be my suggestion.
 
4-aco-dmt is quite amazing. For the inexperienced user, its pretty hard to tell apart from psilocybin. After many trips with it, however, its obvious that it can show you something quite different from mushrooms. Its a similar feeling, but it comes up faster and gentler (in my opinion), doesn't give me the same bloated stomach feeling that mushrooms sometimes do, and leaves you with an afterglow that reminded me a lot of my limited experience with low-dose DMT.

I have not tried any form of DMT besides freebase on top of a layer of cannabis, but I have changa that I bought from a trusted source. I know that buying is discouraged here vs. extraction but the specific formula used in this changa is supposed to be excellent, so I couldn't resist. I also have a source for pharmayahuasca in pill form, which I may try before I delve back into smoking DMT
 
Welcome, and no rush at all. The universe will provide the necessary path for you to follow, you just have to keep your eyes open for it. That said, I wouldn't sit around waiting to be "ready" for anything... If you are on a healthy mind-body-spirit path then keeping your intentions pure will get you plenty ready in no time at all. Listen to your heart and you'll know.

If you're actually ADHD or have a hard time reading, I definitely suggest the audio route. There's some great philosophy out there... for some reason I feel compelled to recommend "Do you do it or does it do you?" by Alan Watts. It's 4 discs and can be had on Amazon used for pretty cheap. Much more applicable to life than differential equations, too :p
 
SammaSam,

I am certainly interested in learning about my path through literature, though I can use either audiobooks or books with no problem.

I feel as though many obstacles have forced me away from my intended path in life and clouded my vision. Some of them have been easily recognizable, more concrete problems, such as quitting daily cigarette use or letting myself give up when it comes to academics. But some obstacles remain elusive, I do not know what it is that stops me from being the person that I want to be. Perhaps fear of failure, I'm not sure. Anyway, I intend to find out and I appreciate your help on my journey.

More suggestions for books to read, especially ones that will help me become more aware of my inner function, are welcome and encouraged

Thank you!
 
I always HIGHLY recommend The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer... it's Jnana yoga written as a logic bomb and boy does it do the trick. DM me with your email address and I'll send you a list and some links. In the meantime, although this may be hard to fathom, you are NEVER not "on the path". Finding the path is realizing that you are already standing on the path, and that the answer you have been seeking has been in your hand the whole time you were looking for it. Just a thought :)
 
Welcome, AndInTheEnd!

It is good to see someone approaching psychedelics with the right attitude and spirit. You mentioned being not ready for this experience; it is totally understandable. Sometimes one needs to find "a center in themselves" before they are ready for jumping off the edge of the universe. You need to be very sure of who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, and be very versed in traversing the "other realm". I know that for myself, I was NOT anywhere close to that point at your age, and I am very grateful that I met spice when I did, and not any time sooner. Perhaps the same is true of you (though I don't know, this is merely a guess).

I would advise making some kind of progress in the areas you are weak in before exploring any further. This will help round you out as an individual, and will allow you to confidently approach the spice for wisdom. Just remember that everything it shows you is an extension of who YOU are. The good, the bad, the amazing and the horrific. All stems from within your soul, and your journey is merely a look into your own existence. Also, the next time you journey off into the Void, take some time beforehand to meditate and focus on your intentions. WHY are you taking this journey? What answers are you seeking? Proper preparation helps integrate the experience into your life, and allows you to have a meaningful journey.

I really enjoyed your post and I hope all goes well in your search for enlightenment!

Much love,

Electric
 
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