----5 drops of acid `a 120µg
3-4 hours later 3g of mushrooms TKS (cubensis)----
PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: somewhat apprehensive
(physical condition) Set: good, no problems
Setting (location): outdoors camping
time of day: after breakfast, maybe 11:00 a.m.
recent drug use: three days earlier 4 drops of acid
last meal: bread and humus
PARTICIPANT
Gender: f
body weight: 48kg
known sensitivities: -
history of use: experienced
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): lsd, mushrooms (cubensis, thai koh samui)
Dose(s): 5 drops of acid (a 120µg) then 3 hours later 3g of mushrooms
Method of administration: drops on hand and eaten / mushrooms just eaten
EFFECTS
Administration time: T_1=0:00 T_2=3:00
Duration: ~ 6 hours ?
First effects: T=1:00
Peak: undeterminable
Come down:T=6:00
Baseline: T=10:00 ?
Intensity (overall): acid: 2 / shrooms: 3
Evaluation / notes: scary, dark, ...
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: acid:3 / shrooms: 1
Implesantness: acid:0 / shrooms:3
Visual Intensity: acid:1 / shrooms:2
AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 0
-------------------------
REPORT
I was anxious about eating the mushrooms originally and decided to go with just the acid for the time being, though initially I had wanted to mix. Since the acid was very manageable, 3-4 hours into the trip (I had no more anxiety, so) I ate the mushrooms.
They came on fairly fast; within 20 minutes I could feel a energy rising from the base of my spine to the top of my head, like a fast but low-amplitude vibration. When I started feeling nausea I thought it would pass as it usually does, fairly quickly, but it didn't. My head was spinning, I was seeing dmt-like visuals when I closed my eyes and I felt anger directed at me.
At this point I knew something wasn't right.
I was getting visions of mutilated, shaking humans and strange spirits swirling by. I was in a jungle-like scenario when I closed my eyes and there was a shaman standing a bit away from me. He told me the mushrooms gods were angry with me for taking them. That I was not being respectful enough with them.
I didn't know what to think. It was too late to say I was sorry as the trip was taking me deeper and deeper into a world that I wasn't supposed to be in, that was hostile towards me. I tried to understand at least what he meant. I seldomly think of myself being disrespectful to entheogens, nor taking them particularly lightly, but there was apparently more to it than just this. There was something about a context that was missing. This (this mushroom experience) was not something to just go explore blindly, there was real power in it, and I was foolishly opening up gateways to place I was unprepared to enter.
Nausea came in waves, the waves lasted long and I fought against the misery. I tried to avoid my eyes of the amputees shaking like something from jacob's ladder.
I felt like I was being pushed under, tears running down my face, the shaman appearing again and again, trying to instruct me. Trying to make sure I could make it out again maybe. He wasn't hostile, rather he was trying to help but it was not really in his power to.
At some point I lay there I began feeling terribly alone and something inside me opened up wide and let something in that should not have gotten in. It felt like an invasion of an evil presence, a spirit with the intent to kill. It had no power over me physically but I understood that it was still threatening me. It wanted me dead with all it's being. In Freudian psychology I would call this Thanathos. It was going to creep up on me, infiltrate my thoughts and actions and make me slip, make me accidentally or somehow otherwise kill myself.
I looked upwards where I could feel, but not see, it hovering over me. I didn't want it there but there was nothing I could do against it; I felt completely defenceless. The longer it stayed the more visions of my own death I was getting. Various ways of how I would end up dead by my own hands even though I didn't want to. I felt the satisfaction of the spirit presence as it watched me stare into the abyss and sink ever deeper.
This went on and on, almost endlessly. The nausea was gone for the time being but the darkness sucked me in. I tried to explain to the shaman that I understood, that I would not make the same mistake again, but there was nothing he could do. And so I began to accept my fate, accept the fact that I could not fight this darkness that had awakened inside of me, and that it would destroy me. Tears running down my face.
At some point, after what felt like many hours of agony a spark of light entered my being and I invented a hero within myself that had the potential to overcome this darkness. Initially I felt like the situation had been resolved but I realized soon it wasn't.
I saw the hero only half. Only part of him/her I saw. I saw a silhouette against a twilight-sky, a clenched fist at the side of this hero, a being that was able to break free. And as he/she came, the darkness seemed to recede.
I felt better for a while and decided to make my way to the bathroom which was quite a walk considering I was not at the height of my strength. I made it there feeling sick again, slightly paranoid. Went to the bathroom, got out and didn't have the strength to walk back to the tent. I waited staring out at the mountains, trying to find comfort in the view. Returned to the bathroom to purge. Waited some more, and finally, very slowly made my way back.
By the time I got back the nausea was so strong again, plus I was having problems breathing again as has happened to me before on a bad mushroom trip. I sat for another hour or so hugging my knees, half crying in misery, feeling the darkness reappear, feeling the hero waver. I could not decide which side would win, I did not understand how to give the hero or the light side my consent. I just felt the darkness tearing at me and a continuous struggle of this being (me/ the hero) against it.
I don't know who won, I doubt anyone did. I feel like this is just the beginning of a struggle that has yet to play out on the battle field of the astral plane (or wherever). I feel scared and reminded of the opening of John C. Lilly's book where he accidentally injected himself with some kind of bubbles of his vitamin injection - after a bad trip. And he attributed it to the bad trip having made him intentionally disregard the bubbles on the needle almost getting him killed. What is in store for me, I wonder? How can I overcome this tearing, tugging, relentless and utterly evil energy?
I don't know.
I find this experience particularly strange because of the shamanic elements in it. I don't usually think of psychedelics in shamanic terms, yet here were these spirits and an actual shaman, undeniably. I have some serious thinking to do as to the rest of it. While it's compelling to think of it as a real thing, I am trying to remain level-headed about it, trying to think of it more in psychological terms rather than in this magical sense. Some things in my life aren't ideal at the moment, in some respects I feel stuck and I guess having negative feelings from this on a trip isn't unusual.
If this persists with taking mushrooms I will have to take an extended break from them. Both with pharma and with acid I seem to be having more positive experiences. In the mean time I have to get un-stuck...
Thanks for reading.
Enoon
3-4 hours later 3g of mushrooms TKS (cubensis)----
PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: somewhat apprehensive
(physical condition) Set: good, no problems
Setting (location): outdoors camping
time of day: after breakfast, maybe 11:00 a.m.
recent drug use: three days earlier 4 drops of acid
last meal: bread and humus
PARTICIPANT
Gender: f
body weight: 48kg
known sensitivities: -
history of use: experienced
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): lsd, mushrooms (cubensis, thai koh samui)
Dose(s): 5 drops of acid (a 120µg) then 3 hours later 3g of mushrooms
Method of administration: drops on hand and eaten / mushrooms just eaten
EFFECTS
Administration time: T_1=0:00 T_2=3:00
Duration: ~ 6 hours ?
First effects: T=1:00
Peak: undeterminable
Come down:T=6:00
Baseline: T=10:00 ?
Intensity (overall): acid: 2 / shrooms: 3
Evaluation / notes: scary, dark, ...
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: acid:3 / shrooms: 1
Implesantness: acid:0 / shrooms:3
Visual Intensity: acid:1 / shrooms:2
AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 0
-------------------------
REPORT
I was anxious about eating the mushrooms originally and decided to go with just the acid for the time being, though initially I had wanted to mix. Since the acid was very manageable, 3-4 hours into the trip (I had no more anxiety, so) I ate the mushrooms.
They came on fairly fast; within 20 minutes I could feel a energy rising from the base of my spine to the top of my head, like a fast but low-amplitude vibration. When I started feeling nausea I thought it would pass as it usually does, fairly quickly, but it didn't. My head was spinning, I was seeing dmt-like visuals when I closed my eyes and I felt anger directed at me.
At this point I knew something wasn't right.
I was getting visions of mutilated, shaking humans and strange spirits swirling by. I was in a jungle-like scenario when I closed my eyes and there was a shaman standing a bit away from me. He told me the mushrooms gods were angry with me for taking them. That I was not being respectful enough with them.
I didn't know what to think. It was too late to say I was sorry as the trip was taking me deeper and deeper into a world that I wasn't supposed to be in, that was hostile towards me. I tried to understand at least what he meant. I seldomly think of myself being disrespectful to entheogens, nor taking them particularly lightly, but there was apparently more to it than just this. There was something about a context that was missing. This (this mushroom experience) was not something to just go explore blindly, there was real power in it, and I was foolishly opening up gateways to place I was unprepared to enter.
Nausea came in waves, the waves lasted long and I fought against the misery. I tried to avoid my eyes of the amputees shaking like something from jacob's ladder.
I felt like I was being pushed under, tears running down my face, the shaman appearing again and again, trying to instruct me. Trying to make sure I could make it out again maybe. He wasn't hostile, rather he was trying to help but it was not really in his power to.
At some point I lay there I began feeling terribly alone and something inside me opened up wide and let something in that should not have gotten in. It felt like an invasion of an evil presence, a spirit with the intent to kill. It had no power over me physically but I understood that it was still threatening me. It wanted me dead with all it's being. In Freudian psychology I would call this Thanathos. It was going to creep up on me, infiltrate my thoughts and actions and make me slip, make me accidentally or somehow otherwise kill myself.
I looked upwards where I could feel, but not see, it hovering over me. I didn't want it there but there was nothing I could do against it; I felt completely defenceless. The longer it stayed the more visions of my own death I was getting. Various ways of how I would end up dead by my own hands even though I didn't want to. I felt the satisfaction of the spirit presence as it watched me stare into the abyss and sink ever deeper.
This went on and on, almost endlessly. The nausea was gone for the time being but the darkness sucked me in. I tried to explain to the shaman that I understood, that I would not make the same mistake again, but there was nothing he could do. And so I began to accept my fate, accept the fact that I could not fight this darkness that had awakened inside of me, and that it would destroy me. Tears running down my face.
At some point, after what felt like many hours of agony a spark of light entered my being and I invented a hero within myself that had the potential to overcome this darkness. Initially I felt like the situation had been resolved but I realized soon it wasn't.
I saw the hero only half. Only part of him/her I saw. I saw a silhouette against a twilight-sky, a clenched fist at the side of this hero, a being that was able to break free. And as he/she came, the darkness seemed to recede.
I felt better for a while and decided to make my way to the bathroom which was quite a walk considering I was not at the height of my strength. I made it there feeling sick again, slightly paranoid. Went to the bathroom, got out and didn't have the strength to walk back to the tent. I waited staring out at the mountains, trying to find comfort in the view. Returned to the bathroom to purge. Waited some more, and finally, very slowly made my way back.
By the time I got back the nausea was so strong again, plus I was having problems breathing again as has happened to me before on a bad mushroom trip. I sat for another hour or so hugging my knees, half crying in misery, feeling the darkness reappear, feeling the hero waver. I could not decide which side would win, I did not understand how to give the hero or the light side my consent. I just felt the darkness tearing at me and a continuous struggle of this being (me/ the hero) against it.
I don't know who won, I doubt anyone did. I feel like this is just the beginning of a struggle that has yet to play out on the battle field of the astral plane (or wherever). I feel scared and reminded of the opening of John C. Lilly's book where he accidentally injected himself with some kind of bubbles of his vitamin injection - after a bad trip. And he attributed it to the bad trip having made him intentionally disregard the bubbles on the needle almost getting him killed. What is in store for me, I wonder? How can I overcome this tearing, tugging, relentless and utterly evil energy?
I don't know.
I find this experience particularly strange because of the shamanic elements in it. I don't usually think of psychedelics in shamanic terms, yet here were these spirits and an actual shaman, undeniably. I have some serious thinking to do as to the rest of it. While it's compelling to think of it as a real thing, I am trying to remain level-headed about it, trying to think of it more in psychological terms rather than in this magical sense. Some things in my life aren't ideal at the moment, in some respects I feel stuck and I guess having negative feelings from this on a trip isn't unusual.
If this persists with taking mushrooms I will have to take an extended break from them. Both with pharma and with acid I seem to be having more positive experiences. In the mean time I have to get un-stuck...
Thanks for reading.
Enoon
:lol: