Greetings.
I began my travels in 1974 with my friends. LSD-25. I was 16. My friends were largely looking to get high. I was not. This has never been about that for me.
I have used other agents of travel - psilocin, Mescaline via peyotl, and perhaps one or two others. I have played with the Unnamed and indeed these experiences may have saved me from destruction - a long story with which I shall not burden you.
In 1982 I had my first unpleasant trip. It was not nightmarish by any means but it was just this side of frightening. I was out in public with a friend to get some food - perhaps not the smartest idea, though I had been in public whilst traveling before and never had any troubles. I was laughing incessantly in the deli in Flushing, Queens, NYC. My friend admonished me to go outside and I did, sitting on a pile of newspapers dropped off for the news stand next door. I put my head down into my palms and suddenly shot stick straight up and was filled with fear. I cannot figure why this sudden turn, but that is what happened. The rest of the evening was spent keeping me from getting any worse and it took several days for me to feel reasonably normal again. I do not know if it was a change in me or bad material - perhaps both? I chose to look at it as God telling me that this path had shown me all that it could and that I would have try another. I complied until 2003.
In 2003 I smoked a heavy dose of 5-MEO in search of that thing once again. I needed it - to have a little conversation with God - to seek some help and understanding that I might navigate this world which at times satisfies my personal definition of hell. I very rapidly collapsed on my back and the moment I saw the bright galaxy before me I suspected I had made a terrible error. But in knew it would be over in 15 minutes or so. Turned out to have been about 1/2 an hour or more, but my sense of time had collapsed and so I waited. And waited. I was not afraid of anything that I had seen. I had been afraid of what I thought might happen - a reflection of my general state of mind at that time, I suspect.
My friend who was with me was very worried about me. In his words: "you were GONE". I heard not a single word he'd uttered during travel. I just wanted it to be over, but I cannot quite figure out why. There were not visions of death, or hell, no demons and devils, no war... just the galaxy before my eyes. I was unable to do anything because my fears had paralyzed me into inaction. It was white knuckles all the way.
When I came out of it, I was in tears. I was crying hysterically and all I could do was go on about wanting to be "real" and not a phony - a further reflection of my state of mind at that time. I do believe that this was a somewhat veiled expression of the real issue, which I will have to think about awhile now as I never really gave it much consideration.
I have always sought "God" - even at age three I clearly recall this quest. I am now 54. I have read godly amounts of philosophy and have cogitated upon metaphysical things extensively. This is my nature, perhaps in part because I do not understand the smallest item of consideration in this world. It is all an opaque mystery to me and while this existence may indeed be a "dream" as per the various mystical philosophical traditions, I believe there is still something real that lies just behind the appearances - something eternal.
I would like to remain on this quest, going beyond the mere meditations and musings - all suffering from their respective limitations. I am, sad to day, like the little violet written about by Gibran, who wanted to become a rose. I am the Doubting Thomas, sticking his fingers in the gaping wound. I just seem to be unable to leave this alone, yet there are people around me who do not wish to see anything bad happen to me, and even I do not want that.
So I guess my point here, beside introducing myself, is to solicit opinions as to whether I should give this yet another try or should I simply drop the matter entirely?
One other question: do north American varieties of mimosa contain DMT?
Thank you.
I began my travels in 1974 with my friends. LSD-25. I was 16. My friends were largely looking to get high. I was not. This has never been about that for me.
I have used other agents of travel - psilocin, Mescaline via peyotl, and perhaps one or two others. I have played with the Unnamed and indeed these experiences may have saved me from destruction - a long story with which I shall not burden you.
In 1982 I had my first unpleasant trip. It was not nightmarish by any means but it was just this side of frightening. I was out in public with a friend to get some food - perhaps not the smartest idea, though I had been in public whilst traveling before and never had any troubles. I was laughing incessantly in the deli in Flushing, Queens, NYC. My friend admonished me to go outside and I did, sitting on a pile of newspapers dropped off for the news stand next door. I put my head down into my palms and suddenly shot stick straight up and was filled with fear. I cannot figure why this sudden turn, but that is what happened. The rest of the evening was spent keeping me from getting any worse and it took several days for me to feel reasonably normal again. I do not know if it was a change in me or bad material - perhaps both? I chose to look at it as God telling me that this path had shown me all that it could and that I would have try another. I complied until 2003.
In 2003 I smoked a heavy dose of 5-MEO in search of that thing once again. I needed it - to have a little conversation with God - to seek some help and understanding that I might navigate this world which at times satisfies my personal definition of hell. I very rapidly collapsed on my back and the moment I saw the bright galaxy before me I suspected I had made a terrible error. But in knew it would be over in 15 minutes or so. Turned out to have been about 1/2 an hour or more, but my sense of time had collapsed and so I waited. And waited. I was not afraid of anything that I had seen. I had been afraid of what I thought might happen - a reflection of my general state of mind at that time, I suspect.
My friend who was with me was very worried about me. In his words: "you were GONE". I heard not a single word he'd uttered during travel. I just wanted it to be over, but I cannot quite figure out why. There were not visions of death, or hell, no demons and devils, no war... just the galaxy before my eyes. I was unable to do anything because my fears had paralyzed me into inaction. It was white knuckles all the way.
When I came out of it, I was in tears. I was crying hysterically and all I could do was go on about wanting to be "real" and not a phony - a further reflection of my state of mind at that time. I do believe that this was a somewhat veiled expression of the real issue, which I will have to think about awhile now as I never really gave it much consideration.
I have always sought "God" - even at age three I clearly recall this quest. I am now 54. I have read godly amounts of philosophy and have cogitated upon metaphysical things extensively. This is my nature, perhaps in part because I do not understand the smallest item of consideration in this world. It is all an opaque mystery to me and while this existence may indeed be a "dream" as per the various mystical philosophical traditions, I believe there is still something real that lies just behind the appearances - something eternal.
I would like to remain on this quest, going beyond the mere meditations and musings - all suffering from their respective limitations. I am, sad to day, like the little violet written about by Gibran, who wanted to become a rose. I am the Doubting Thomas, sticking his fingers in the gaping wound. I just seem to be unable to leave this alone, yet there are people around me who do not wish to see anything bad happen to me, and even I do not want that.
So I guess my point here, beside introducing myself, is to solicit opinions as to whether I should give this yet another try or should I simply drop the matter entirely?
One other question: do north American varieties of mimosa contain DMT?
Thank you.
