Hi Dragon welcome to the nexus!

I can see where you are coming from in respect to how the world can look sometimes. The beauty of the outer world can sometimes be a definition of how we personally feel on the inside imo.

The crowded streets can be a harsh ugly place but there is plenty of beauty in the world.

Have you had any experience with dmt? Dmt could be the catalyst that opens the beauty on the inside and give you a better perspective on the outside world.

Peace